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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
rabbit-32 Offline
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Name: Gina Maria
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Exclamation 30 days. my mind has no control - July 20th 2010, 06:24 AM

This thread has been labeled as triggering by the original poster or by a Moderator. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

i dont know where this goes...or if this is going to make sense to any soul on this earth but i need to say it, it has been on my mind soo long..its happening and i need to let someone know..I NEED SOME HELP.. so here it goess.

my mind.i feel like it doesnt work right. i think things that are wierd and confuseing, tbh i cant make up my mind. i dont know whats real, what to belive, what not. i dont know if the life im living is even a life worth any thought. i understand that this world is bubbeling in its own destruction, but where i put myself in this world leaves me in wonder. people are worthless. i am worthless.
if i look at life at religious standpoint,what im supposed to belive, what i was taught to belive, what i do belive most of the time..we are here to serve God
but if i look at life through my brain, what i see..black and white...crystal clear..this life is nothing. its meaningless. we live an empty life. i lie. we WILL be forgotten. we will be turned into grass dirt w/e else...a empty cycle that starts over and over for no reason
what should i belive? i know its my choice. but what is the right choice?

why do we suffer and inflict evil on each other? why i cant controll what happens to me? the hurt the painnn...oh why i cant control my mind, what i think? we are not in control of anything. one snap and we lose control. and then others must control us.. we are forced into a state of control thats safe for everyone else so they think they have ccontrol of something when they dont even have control of themselves.. who are we? a number the government gives, a name our parents give us, a face among faves..or are we more?..are we less?. WE ARE NOTHING.
to not be able to think straight. to not make up my mind because i Just Dont Know. i cant grasp anything out of the picture im painted to see. it just doesnt work. it doesnt make sense.i cant even grasp the picture in front of my eyes. i cant stay postive for llong because I KNOW its not right. i am losing my mind and ALL sense of control and i dont know how to deal with this life anymore.

if i talk to someone about it-they think im crazyy,they'll lock me up..shove meds down my throat, controll me..but in my mind the problem is not solved..they cant solve somethign i know is a lie.
who do i go to? there is nobody. this is hopeless.
if i give up..what do i accoplish? Nothing. but if i stay here..what do i accomplish? also Nothing. either way i accomplish nothing..either way. but do i stay here and suffer..watch all the fake people and live a lie..or do i end it quickly and it all goes black where its over. never again.
what do i needd???

why am i a hypocrite..tellling people life is beautiful when i know its all nothiing? a long future to nothingness..maybe filled with good moments..that NOONE will remember after 100 years. is that worth living?

maybe i need to find answers..maybe i need someone to understand. but i will search for a light, to stay postive. but i cant go on living like this. i need someone..or something..anything that can get my mind straight again..if i dont succeed. im left with no choice. i will not live like this any longer.

if anyone understands just one bit, can someone pleeeasee help me


Pm me about anything&everything


   
  (#2 (permalink)) Old
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Re: 30 days. my mind has no control - July 21st 2010, 01:18 AM

Gina,

You are not worthless at all. Life is what you want it to be. There is no right or wrong. It's what you want it to be, and what you make it to be. If you look at life like you are right now, yes it may seem that way. But if you look at it from a different point of view it's completely different. Like since I have my life to live, I'm going to help others improve their lives, just have fun and try to be happy, or just live in the present moment. It's important not to worry about the past or look too far ahead. Just live in the present, and be in the present moment. It's okay if you can't make up your mind. A lot of people who are depressed have that same feeling. You can't control what's happening to you because you can't control what other people do. You can only control what YOU do and how that will affect others.

We are not nothing. We are what we make ourselves be. We can be a leader, a fighter, and helper, anything you set your mind to. People won't think you're crazy if you talk about it. Trust me, there's a lot more people then you know feeling the same way. People cannot control you, you can only control yourself. It's important to talk to others about this. Especially if you feel you cannot make your own decisions. You want to make sure you aren't making the wrong ones that can affect you for the rest of your life. You did the right thing by asking for help here, so take it one step more and reach out to someone in your life you trust. If you stay here, you can accomplish everything you set your mind to! That's so much to live for! It's okay if you can't decide now what you want to do. You have your whole life to decide! Life is worth living.

You are telling people life is beautiful because you know, deep down inside, that it is. You may not consiously be thinking that, but you still know it. You can live this life, you can find answers. You just have to search. And you can do that. You can do anything you set your mind to. You have choices in your life, and it's what YOU choose, not what someone else chooses for you. You control your life. Believe in yourself, picture yourself succeeding, have faith in the world that you will get where you want to be. Keep your head held high and don't be afraid to ask people for help. I'm always here to talk.

Hang in there,
Alessa


Whatever it is, chances are I've been there.
If I can make it out, you can too.
   
  (#3 (permalink)) Old
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Re: 30 days. my mind has no control - July 21st 2010, 03:51 AM

Hey,

You know Alessa kind of said everything I wanted to say.

We cannot control how other people live their lives and we cannot control certain things about out own lives but in the end we can make our life good. We our the only ones who can control whether or not we experience happiness. Yes, there are going to be times when someone or something takes away that ability but if we fight we can get back that happiness. We lose control at times but we can fight and win back that control. We just can't lose hope of winning it back.

I want to help people because that makes me happy. I want to turn my struggles into something good and I think I can do that by becoming a therapist. Doing this will help me fulfill my purpose in life and accomplishing that goal helps me to keep fighting. We make life what we want to.

Sure you can look at life as an endless cycle of nothingness and to an extent that is true but at the same time within that nothingness is beauty. The world is a beautiful place. It is full of nothingness and beauty. Sometimes you have to look past that nothingness and grab onto the beauty.

As for talking to people about this; I don't think they would lock you away. That is something you are struggling with, trying to understand etc and I know there are quite a few people who could understand where you are coming from.

Don't be afraid to communicate because communication helps quite a bit when we are struggling or confused.

I hope this helped and if you need anything please feel free to pm me.

Jenna


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  (#4 (permalink)) Old
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Re: 30 days. my mind has no control - July 21st 2010, 04:07 AM

Honey, everything will work out. Alessa said everything I had wanted to say, but here, let's just go through this real fast.

First off, you admitted you had a problem. Now that you're on rock bottom, you have two options. Dig a hole [which, it's hard to dig a hole on rocks] or climb out. And you've given us the invitation to help you out, which means you're not gonna climb on your own. We're gonna pull you out, but it's a tag team effort.

Second, your beliefs are your beliefs, yes. But, I was in this same situation not too long ago, and since I turned to God, I've felt so much better. You have to mean every thing you say to Him, and you have to let Him take the pain away.

Third, life is beautiful, and so are you. We're all worth something, and we're all going to change lives. You mean the world to me, and I love you so much, and I don't even know you! But I do know that your existence will change my life as much as everyone else's. You're beautiful, and you're strong for not giving up. And there's always something to look forward to. If you ever need someone to rant to or talk to, just PM me. I promise that I'm here. Jesus loves you, so do I, and I know you have potential. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise - even your mind. It's your heart that matters.


I can feel you all around me
Thickening the air I'm breathing
Holding on to what I'm feeling
Savoring this heart that's healing <3
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