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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
Disclosure. Offline
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Unhappy FML. - July 21st 2010, 09:56 AM

This thread has been labeled as triggering by the original poster or by a Moderator. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

OK, so I know that I said I'll be on every so often because of my studies and what not. But I've been having a hard time. Now I know the reason in why some kids, teenagers and adults kill themselves because of stress; I'm SO stressed out about my exams coming up. I'm just tired of everything that's happening in my life at the moment. I just want to go to some place where no-one will be able to disturb me and just remain there. I don't want to have to feel this pain or stress anymore. I just want to get a life and move out of home so I won't have to deal with the fucking shit at home. I fucking hate my life so much. I see how everyone has so much more potiential then me in life. People say that I have potiential to do well in life as well but all I think to myself is "Fuck you, stop fucking telling me that. I know what I'm good at and what I'm potientially able to do." I feel so worthless and I constantly tell myself that I'm stupid and will fail in life. I see everyone have so much more friends than me. When I'm feeling in a shit mood or need help with something, I set my status as "Needs to talk to someone" but no-one fucking bothers to comment or message me asking how I am because no-one fucking cares. I was just talking to one of my friends on MSN about what was going on and he said that he was folding up the clothes and that he was on the phone, asking me if he could get back to me shortly. I know I'm being a fucking bitch and being selfish but I think that sometimes people don't have time for me. I want to be a somebody in life. I want to be known for something. I want to be known for being an actor, musician, author, DJ, surfer, photographer or dirtbiker. I want to be famous. I want to be needed in someones life. I want to be loved and to love back. I want to be that girl that when a guy looks at me, his world is complete.
Another thing is that the guy I made out with ages ago, I really miss. The link is below:

http://www.teenhelp.org/forums/f9-re...t-should-i-do/

http://www.teenhelp.org/forums/f9-re...e-obessed-him/

What happened was he asked for my ex-best friends number so I gave it to him. They naturally started texting each other then she told me she liked him. I told her not to get involved with him because he's a jerk, a user, player and he'll hurt her. But she didn't listen to me because she thought she was right (she even told me that). Then on one school night, at 7pm, she turned up at my door-step. I was completely oblivious to the fact that she wanted to come...she didn't even tell me that she was coming over. So when I went downstairs to talk to her, I saw his car parked at the front of my house. I felt so angry. I asked her what was going on but she didn't answer me probably. I asked her to go get him so I could talk to him. She went to go and get him but she got in the car and he drove off. I was completely stunned and angry. I went back inside and went to look at my phone. Because I hadn't checked or used it for a couple of days, I saw that I had 7 messages. 5 of them were from my friend, the other 2 were from this guy. The messages from my friend read, asking me why I had given her number to him, am I going out with him, how long does he normally take to reply to a message, to stop talking shit about him and to call her. I was completely and utterly stumped. Then the other 2 messages from the guy read, asking why I was talking shit and that I was a fucking joke because apparently I had said shit about him to my friend. I was completely hurt and angry that I had received these messages after all I did was give him my friends number. So I decided to call him. Apparently, according to him, I had told my friend that I had told HER that the night he came over, we had not only made out and kissed, but also rooted, had sex, fingered and I gave him a head job. All I told her was that we had made out and kissed. Now when I say make out, it was pretty much snogging. Now I don't know where the fuck she got all the other shit from, probably pulled it out of her ass, but he started to abuse me because of it and my friend had the fucking guts to tell me to stop talking shit about him when she was fully aware that I had never said shit about him. But we talked about it after I had a full go at both at them and we got over it...or so I thought. At 10:30pm, after I had finished talking to my friend for the last time that night because I went off to bed, my phone rang. It was him. I asked him what was going on. He said that I had taken it to fucking far and that he was taking it to the cops because apparently the last time I had talked to my friend, I had told her that he records having sex with girls and puts them on the internet. I was completely and utterly shocked, mad and scared. I was just so angry and hurt that someone would say something like that about anyone. But lucky he didn't and he said that he didn't want to talk to my friend or I again which was understandable.
But now I actually miss him! I want to send him a Facebook message but I don't know what to say. This happened in June and yet I know he won't talk to me, he'll probably think I'm harassing him and will take it to the police. Sorry it's so long but I don't know what to do.
Thanks for the help.


   
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Re: FML. - July 21st 2010, 03:25 PM

heyhey, it's normal for someone to be under the kind of stress that you're in now really..
maybe instead of lumping everything together and concluding that there's simply just too much to handle, try looking at one issue at a time so that it's easier to tackle them all eventually. think about how you view your examinations... is it so necessary for you to get so stressed over them? it's a sure thing to get stressed, but from my experience, being stressed only reduces my grades. it's a state of mind really, something you can change though the fact that you've exams can't be changed.
i used to think like you... putting all the fault on myself, on my person, on watever it means to be me. but i realised that, really, no other person is perfect, and you can't expect ppl to always be there to listen selflessly. you've to start thinking that each individual problem is one on its own. as in, it has nothing to do with you. if anything, all the stresses come along like this not because of you, but of some other force (luck or God, whichever you believe).
so, don't let these things bring you down. (:



and the voice of truth tells me a different story
the voice of truth says "do not be afraid"
   
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Re: FML. - July 21st 2010, 05:26 PM

Honestly, it sounds like you miss the guy because you want someone to love and care about you. Unfortunately it seems like he was only after one thing in the first place, he messed up your friendship, hurt you, accused you of things, and it's more than possible he would do it again. There definitely isn't any long-term relationship potential there at all and you really deserve far better.

Sorry to hear you're feeling stressed too. Exams can be hellish, but the most important thing is to remember they wont last forever, and before you know, they'll be done and behind you. I know you don't like to believe you'll do well in life, but maybe people say it to you because they believe it. Telling yourself negative things will only make you feel worse. You have lots of really great ambitions. If you're confident and try, you can do anything you want in life. Home life might be awful, but you wont be stuck there forever.

Sorry you find it hard to find people to talk to too. Friends should be there for you when you feel down. Everyone deserves support, and you aren't being selfish at all reaching out for it. A lot more people care than you think though, don't give up. Really hope things get better.


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