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Le Papillon Offline
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never ending darkness - July 24th 2010, 10:45 PM

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i cant get away from all of this pain. i just cant. i cant stop thinking about everything ive done to them, everything everyone else has done to me, and i. just. cant. get. out! it keeps dragging me deeper and deeper, and i cant climb my way out anymore. if im not in one of my guilty states, im in one of my major depressive states, and vice versa. or im in both. its a never ending cycle of dark thoughts that i cant break free from! i miss life from two/three years ago, and i know i cant have it back. but i cant let go, and it just keeps me going on and on in this never ending circle. i cant take it anymore! its like nothing is worth it. never was, never will be. i cant live with all this guilt, all this pain, but i cant let go of life. i dont know what to do. dont know how to get out of this. please, someone, help me.


formerly snowstorm, GoneBeyondRepair, and Breathless in Love
Repose en Paix, Grandad/mom H., Sito, Nay, Mary, Aunt S., Peter, Katie, Lexi, Mrs. Radoye, Mandii, Trevor, Megan, Uncle T., Erika, Aunt R., Braxton, Connie, Adam, Grandpa, Buttons ♥
The world will bleed its bloody tale. People will throw their stones. But the one thing you must always remember is:
You no longer walk alone.
-Blake Bliss
   
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Katrina Offline
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Re: never ending darkness - July 25th 2010, 02:25 PM

Hey Jordan.

I imagine you'll probably hear this a lot, particularly on a site like this, but we say it because it's true - talking about what you're going through really DOES help. Bottling up how you feel can't be good, right? Logically speaking, it's totally counterproductive. So, with that thought in mind, I'll ask you what's going on?

The thing about dealing with things that happened in the past is that unfortunately, you can't change them. You can either live in the past and kind of be a little bit stuck in all the guilt and grief you went through, or you can try to focus and channel that energy into making today and "tomorrow" (metaphorically, I guess) better!

If you haven't talked to some sort of counselor, I might recommend that! They probably have guidance counselors (or something similar) where you go to school, right? People who want to help you feel your very best, and it's a FREE service, which is awesome and hard to beat.

Regardless of where you are in your recovery, I'm sending positive thoughts and love your way. Take good care of yourself.



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Le Papillon Offline
a secret you can keep
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Location: Horrorwood

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Re: never ending darkness - July 25th 2010, 08:30 PM

hi Katrina. i dont really 'bottle it up.' i write what i feel down, and i try to deal with everything, but on my own time, im my room, alone. i mean, i cant tell my parents that almost a year ago my best friend who had moved away years before had killed herself because of a promise i didnt keep. i cant tell them im going into eighth grade without a single friend there to support me, everyone hates me, and they all make my life miserable. i mean, they cant even tell that they themselves are hurting me, even though ive tried to tell them a million times before. and my sister just adds to it as well. i can never get this pain away from me, its like an uncurable desease. i know the past is the past, and i cant change it, but i keep wishing for it. wishing for when i had the streanght to be happy, to smile for more than a milisecond or less. i try to focas on my future, i already have my education and career all planned out, well, unless something happens and it must change. but, i cant make myself any better, it seems like when i try, i just make it all worse. counclers freak me out. especialy the one at school. and i tried talking to him once, but he payed no attention to what i was saying, and was absolutly a total looser face. i just wich it were all eisier.


formerly snowstorm, GoneBeyondRepair, and Breathless in Love
Repose en Paix, Grandad/mom H., Sito, Nay, Mary, Aunt S., Peter, Katie, Lexi, Mrs. Radoye, Mandii, Trevor, Megan, Uncle T., Erika, Aunt R., Braxton, Connie, Adam, Grandpa, Buttons ♥
The world will bleed its bloody tale. People will throw their stones. But the one thing you must always remember is:
You no longer walk alone.
-Blake Bliss
   
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