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Depression and Suicide If you or a loved one is feeling depressed or suicidal, you are not alone. Talk with other users about your feelings here.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
itsmekt Offline
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I told my friend - July 25th 2010, 06:25 AM

Today I was with one of my good friends and I told her I thought I was depressed. She's the only person that I've told. I was so scared that she would think I was a freak. But she told me she wouldn't judge me.

The thing is I didn't tell her the extent of my depression and I think she thinks it's just a phase. I didn't tell her I was self-injuring. Or that I sometimes wonder if I should just kill myself.

I think if she knew that it might totally overwhelm her. Plus I don't think she could understand me. Like I don't think she'd understand my feelings of sadness or emptiness or hopelessness.

Don't get me wrong she was great about what I told her. But she has a lot going on in her life that she tells me about and I don't think she could handle my problems as well.

I have a couple other close friends and a close family but or some reason I feel alone and I don't know who to talk to. I don't think counseling or therapy is an option because my family doesn't have much money and I think that it would cost way too much.

I just don't know what to do or who to turn to. But I'm tired of feeling like this and I wish I could just be happy.
   
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Re: I told my friend - July 25th 2010, 07:48 PM

By confiding in her and letting her know whats going on with you, that in no way means that she will be taking on your problems as her own. It means that you are going to her for advice, support, friendship, guidance, etc.
Remember, no one is responsible for your actions except yourself.
Tell your family and close friends whats going on and what youre feeling. They love you and really care about you. Of corse they wouldnt think badly about you! If anything, they would be concerned and would want to help!
No problem was ever solved by remaining quiet.
When someone is depressed, they cant just wish they arent depressed and have it happen overnight. You have to do the emotional and therapeutic work to get there. But dont be overwhelmed. Remember, Rome wasnt built in a day.
Just take one step, and then take another, and then another. It may take some time, but you will get to the place you want to be at. But you wont get there if you decide to stop moving.
There is nothing wrong with looking for help.
For example, I used to be EXTREMELY depressed and suicidal. Without the help of my family, friends and my therapist, I would NEVER be at the point I am now.
If you ask for help, then you will receive it.

I hope this helped!
   
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Re: I told my friend - July 26th 2010, 12:06 AM

I know I probably should ask for help. But it's just hard. I feel like my family expects me to be better than depression. And my friends won't want to hang out anymore if they knew what I was like. It sometimes feels like it won't be worth the trouble.
Plus it feels like since it's my problem I should be able to solve it on my own.

But what you said definitely makes sense and I'm going to try to talk to people more even if it take a while.

Thank you
   
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Re: I told my friend - July 26th 2010, 03:27 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by itsmekt View Post
I know I probably should ask for help. But it's just hard. I feel like my family expects me to be better than depression. And my friends won't want to hang out anymore if they knew what I was like.
I couldn't help but feel a bit of deja vu at that sentence- you're echoing the sentiments that I had (they keep coming round occasionally e.g. I can't quit my job that I hate because my family will think I failed) and I can tell you now that you might be surprised by what your family actually thinks. Sure, my dad acted a bit funny about my depression, he tried to be understanding but he didn't really get it- but not once did he think that I was better than depression or that I should just get over it.

And my mum, who is the overachiever of the family, turned into a mind reader and started to guess what I was thinking before I even said it (e.g. "You don't want to quit because you think you failed, right?") and she was so supportive. It was really funny because normally we fight like cat and dog but I guess it's the important things that really matter.

As for my friends, I knew that one of my friends would understand where I was coming from (she's in denial about her own depression) but I wasn't sure about the other one. So I just mentioned it casually, she asked if I was getting help, I said yes, she nodded and said ok, and we didn't speak about it again, nothing changed. But we had been friends for over 5 years so I knew I could trust them completely.

I feel kinda bad for talking about myself so much, but what I'm trying to say is that you don't know how people will react until you tell them. I would be a bit more cautious about telling your friends than your family (you don't want them to gossip about it), but I would definitely tell your closest family member soon. And just think- if one of your friends came up to you and told you they were depressed, how would you react? Maybe they wouldn't expect that reaction from you either.

PM me anytime
   
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Re: I told my friend - July 26th 2010, 04:19 AM

Thank you!

Definitely don't feel bad about talking about yourself. It helps me feel less alone and like someone else knows what I'm going through.

I really like what you said about how I would react to my friend telling me their depressed. It totally makes sense. I'm kind of assuming the worst but I guess I don't know how people will react and they might be totally great about it.

So I'm trying to work up the courage to tell someone else and hopefully I will in the next couple days. Thanks again
   
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Re: I told my friend - July 26th 2010, 04:37 AM

Hey,

I think it is great that you told your friend a little something about what is going on. I know that must have been hard.

I know that confiding in friends can be hard and a part of you is worried you might overwhelm her but what if you confiding in her makes her feel better? I know when my friends confide in me I feel better because it allows me to see that they trust me and want me to support them in your struggles. Maybe your friend will feel the same way?

Another thing to consider is to just take it slow while telling her. You told her that you have been feeling sad etc and she was there and supported you. In a while you might start feeling a little more comfortable with telling her more.

I know that with me it took me a while to confide in my friends about some of the stuff going on in my life. One of my friends I just kind of threw it all at him to test the waters etc. However another one of my friends took a while. I had been wanting to confide in him for a while but I wasn't sure the extent of our friendship and I was scared. Slowly we got closer and closer and we both confided a lot of different things to each other. Of course there was and still is a part of me that worries I will overwhelm him but I have to leave it up to him to tell me if he needs to take a breather.

Telling people about our issues is hard because we don't think they can understand or we think they might ostracize us but something I have learned is that we all have our struggles. And more people can understand what we are struggling with then we give them credit.

Sometimes we just have to take a leap and hope for the best. And, the fact that your friend has confided in you about stuff seems to show that she trusts you and cares for you. Which implies that she must cherish your guys friendship and she would probably want to support you through all of this.

Please hang in there and if you need anything feel free to pm me.

Jenna


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Re: I told my friend - July 26th 2010, 04:52 AM

Thank you for all the support and help!

You guys are the best. Seriously
   
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Re: I told my friend - July 26th 2010, 08:31 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by itsmekt View Post
I know I probably should ask for help. But it's just hard. I feel like my family expects me to be better than depression. And my friends won't want to hang out anymore if they knew what I was like. It sometimes feels like it won't be worth the trouble.
Plus it feels like since it's my problem I should be able to solve it on my own.

But what you said definitely makes sense and I'm going to try to talk to people more even if it take a while.

Thank you

Its totally understandable thats its hard. But like I said, your family LOVES you. Parents do tend to have certain expectations from their kids. Thats just the way they think- if they dont expect anything at all, then they wouldnt be very loving and they would be shitty parents. By expecting things, that means that they want you to have goals in your life and to have a good life, successful, thriving life.
   
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Re: I told my friend - August 4th 2010, 03:18 AM

I was in your boat about 2 yrs ago I couldnt tell my family bc we were to close and i thought if i told them then they would lose respect for me but i was sent a friend who understood andlisten to me and if ur close friend is a real friend she will be der for u to
   
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Re: I told my friend - August 4th 2010, 06:10 AM

When did you start feeling this way? I have been through some similar emotions and I felt the same way, I felt that there was no way that someone could understand the extent of pain that someone feels when they come to the point of wondering if their life is worth it or not. What do you think would make you happy if you could have anything in the world happen? What do you think would help you feel better? Are there certain issues that you are battling that are hurting you?
   
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