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Depression and Suicide If you or a loved one is feeling depressed or suicidal, you are not alone. Talk with other users about your feelings here.

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sofusemil Offline
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Question need help for my friend - July 26th 2010, 08:20 AM

i have a friend whos relly depressed most of the time and cuts herself from time to time and is starting to talk about how nice it would be to be dead, i need someone who can tell me what i should do
   
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Re: need help for my friend - July 26th 2010, 09:35 AM

Hi,
Im Rachel
First of all I want you to know your not alone. It can be so very hard to have a depressed friend.
Now one thing I want you to know, is that you should never ever promise to keep this to your self. Your friend needs your help and even more now that she is talking about being dead.
She may have asked you not to tell any one BUT suicide is an extremly horrible situation! Stop and think how you would feel if she killed herself and you didnt tell any one.
I know that it feels like you are betraying her by telling someone but please consider how horrible things may turn out if your friend doesnt get help. I urge you to go to a trusted adulted and tell them about this friend. It could be a teacher or your parents or her parents.
I wish all the best
Feel free to pm me any time
Good Luck,
Love,
Rach


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Re: need help for my friend - July 27th 2010, 04:51 AM

hey ive struggled with depression for 2 years. i know i only talked about it to my best friend...so ovbiously your friend trusts you. i know medicine helped me...is she on anything? if she is then u should tell her to keep looking for the right medicine for her. i went thru 5 different anti depressants b4 i started to see results. Also, i wanted to die too....that dosent automatically mean suicide. for a long time i just wished one day i wouldnt wake up. I agree that you do need to tell someone who can help her tho if she starts talking about seuicide. as for cutting... well i know it is an addiction. luckily i have very strong will power so i was able to quit whenever i wanted to. Encourage her to talk to you instead of cutting. she really needs a friend right now. i know i probably would still be hopelessly depressed if my best friend didnt help me thru it. hope this helps
   
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Re: need help for my friend - July 27th 2010, 08:41 PM

Hi there. I think it is wonderful that you are so diligent and caring to have noticed that something isn't right with your friend! A lot of people might have just brushed these things off as her being melodramatic, when in reality, this is something that really needs to be taken seriously! Good for you!

The first thing I would advise you to do is talk with your friend. Let her know what you've noticed and that you're concerned about her. If she wants to talk, listen intently and without passing judgment. She probably needs someone she can trust and be open with at this time in her life. Try your best to provide her with a shoulder to lean on.

However, bear in mind that there is a fine line between being a shoulder to lean on and being that person's savior. It wouldn't be fair for you to have to take all of this upon yourself. You can listen and be there for your friend, but keep in mind that you cannot solve all her problems. You cannot magically make it all okay, no matter how hard you try. Let her know that you care, that you want to listen, but also remember to set your boundaries! If you find she is beginning to drag you down with her, it might be time a little break. Say something along the lines of, "Wow, I'm really glad you feel you can trust me with all of this. However, these are some pretty heavy issues, and I think I just need some to time to digest it all."

Keep in mind that you need to take care of yourself first before you can take care of anyone else. Make sure you have someone to turn to as well with all of the confusing feelings that might emerge from this experience.

The next thing I'd encourage you to do is save any text messages, emails, IMs, etc. where your friend is expressing depressive feelings, such as wanting to die or self-harm, or where she is just feeling down overall. Take these and go to a trusted adult. Remember how I said you can't solve all her problems on her own? This is true. It sounds like your friend might benefit from professional aid, and the adult(s) you decide to disclose this information with will see to it that she gets the help she needs. This step is extremely important.

I'm sorry all of this has happened to you, but it is wonderful that you were able to come forward and ask for help. That is a huge accomplishment! You should be very proud of yourself.

Take care! xx I hope everything works out!
   
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