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Depression and Suicide If you or a loved one is feeling depressed or suicidal, you are not alone. Talk with other users about your feelings here.

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*Rainbow*Rider* Offline
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Someone say something - July 29th 2010, 11:32 PM

I hate nights like this.

Last night my friend and I had a big heart to heart. He spilt his soul out for me to catch and put back together and I couldn't and I could just feel it slipping through my fingers, then I felt myself go too and I couldn't catch it.

We held hands and held each other. We cried into each other. I felt so safe for once. I felt like I could talk about these things instead of stifle them and drink and smoke and laugh and pretend they're not there. Thing is now the gates are open and I haven't let my guard down like that for a while. I haven't felt safe or close to another person like that for ages. All I want is to go back in time and freeze it there.

Its like all my issues have been triggered.



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Re: . - July 30th 2010, 12:03 AM

Any input. Any words. I know I'm not making sense. I just want to scream and curl up.



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Re: . - July 30th 2010, 12:14 AM

Sometimes screaming at the world isn't a bad thing.

And it's definetly okay to not make sense.
Is it not possible for you to find your way back to where you feel safe without turning back time?



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Re: . - July 30th 2010, 12:27 AM

The reason I felt so safe was because I was with him and it was like 5am and we'd both spilt our guts out. The sun was coming up. I just felt physically and emotionally 100% safe.



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Re: . - July 30th 2010, 02:11 AM

Honest to god. Anyone at all. Please.
I've read through the reasons to live thing twice now and written my own list then binned it.

I know Im not going to do anything. I dont think I will. It would be so selfish. We've had too much death around here as it is.

I feel like my heart and soul and head are going to explode.



If the world is a cold place
Make it your business to start some fires




   
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Re: . - July 30th 2010, 04:23 AM

It sounds you got a whole lot of things all out at once, that had built up on your mind, and it's overwhelmed you.
Is it possible you can talk to your friend again sometime? Maybe you could get more off your mind or he could help you feel secure again. It might also help knowing you can have someone to talk to.

Try to keep in mind that you are a strong person. You've come as far as you have despite all your issues and you can beat them. You don't need drinking or smoking or pretending they don't exist. It's ok to feel the way you do, sometimes it can really help to get these things out.

Also noticed your blog, sorry for the slow reply, really hope you're ok.


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Re: . - July 30th 2010, 07:01 PM

I was going to say the same above.

Since you've both spoken wouldn't you continue to feel safe with him?
If so wouldn't it be a good idea to seek him out?

Don't forget that strength can be found in other people when you need it most. Relying on someone else for help isn't weak, is what I'm trying to say.



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