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Depression and Suicide If you or a loved one is feeling depressed or suicidal, you are not alone. Talk with other users about your feelings here.

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for so long ive tried.. - August 1st 2010, 02:07 AM

to hang out with some friends, to hang out with a girl i like, to move on in life and do better by me...

I see people who have good homes and jobs, they smoke weed, drink alot,drugs... and more.. and I play It by the truth.. I have not taken a drink of alchohal in my life, not a puff of a sig. or any drugs..

I cant seam to make any real friends, I have no one In person I can accually open up to and talk to...

I wake up every morning looking in the mirror at the cuts and scars asking myself why should i live today, when i should be asking who do I hang out with today, right?...

just depressed and dont know what to do.. this has been an ongoing thing for a few years... just dont know what to do anymore...


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Re: for so long ive tried.. - August 1st 2010, 02:11 AM

i give up.


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Re: for so long ive tried.. - August 1st 2010, 02:46 AM

Jason,

Please do not give up. I know how difficult it can be to not have a lot of friends; to not have those people you can confide in but you can find them with time. It took me years to find the friends I have now. Those years were hell but I am glad I waited it out.

Now, do you have any friends at all? If so maybe you could explain to them the predicament you are in and ask them to introduce you to some of their friends? I did this with one of my friends and it helped. I met some people and in the future we might end up hanging out together.

If you are in high school I would suggest that you join some clubs at your school. I know my high school had a number of clubs that interested me but I was always too scared to join. I always kind of regretted it because there really was nothing to fear and I found out that quite a few people met their good friends in the clubs.

Colleges should also have some clubs but depending on your class schedule you might not be able to attend them. I know that there is a club or two I would like to look into at my college but my class schedule is always getting in the way. However, you should still look into it just to see.

Also, in classes you should try to talk more. Start by asking about the class; maybe you could ask for help with something or ask how they are liking the class and go from there. It can be scary but with time it tends to get easier and easier.

Are you into religion? If so maybe you could consider getting into a church youth group. I am looking into this as well. I am hoping to broaden my horizons so to speak. I know not all people are into church but I figured I would mention this just in case you are.

Please hang in there because there is always hope for a better tomorrow. Things may be bad now but within a few weeks, months etc it can and probably will get better. And don't give up on finding friends because that will happen too. Sometimes we have to wait a long time to get the things we really want; and by waiting it is ten times better.

If you need anything feel free to pm me.

Jenna


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Re: for so long ive tried.. - August 1st 2010, 03:07 AM

I do not believe there Is a god, he would have done something good to me for what Ive done.. up to the age of 15 I would go to church EVERY single sunday never missed It.. more of my grandmother forcing me to go, but I enjoyed It. was not really a choice though lol..

I dropped out of school at 14(after passing the 6th grade) because of family financial situations.. couldnt afford to go to school.

I honestly ask myself every day why I should live that day, over the last 2 yyears or so I have been running out of reasons and fast..


im down to the friendship I have with this 1 girl.. Im 18 she Is 24, has a boyfriend and has kids with him.. Yes I realise she Is older than me, I find It odd I really like her.. Yes I know I have almost a 1% chance with her In life, but we hang out once every 2 weeks or so.. and when we do we have alot of fun..


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Re: for so long ive tried.. - August 1st 2010, 03:25 AM

I understand your feelings about god. I used to feel the same way. I am not going to try to persuade you one way or another on that issue because I know it is a sensitive one. I think it is a good way to meet people, reevaluate your relationship with god and in some ways church and all that can give you some new meaning into life and new coping skills. However it has to be something that you want and like I said not all people are into church.

You dropped out at 14; have you considered going back to get your GED? I know a number of people who have done that and I think they have classes that they offer to help people pass. That might open up the door for you meeting people.

What about a job? Have you thought of getting a job? A lot of my friends have built friendships with co-workers. It also might do you some good to have some where to go to de-stress. While a lot of people would say working is definitely not a de-stressor I found that when I was working I would go in and feel a little less stressed because all I could think about was the job at hand.

Lastly, as for that girl, while there might not be chance for you guys to be more than friends there might be a chance for her to introduce you to some people. Maybe one day when you two are hanging out you can sit down and explain to her the difficulties you are having when it comes to finding friends and maybe you could ask her if she could introduce you to some people?

As for her age, there is nothing wrong with that at all. The youngest friend I have is 23 and the oldest is 31. I get along better with older people because they are more mature and what not. Age is just a number in a lot of ways.

I hope this helped and if you need anything feel free to pm me.

Jenna


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Re: for so long ive tried.. - August 1st 2010, 03:35 AM

I have friends that age as old as 62 lol.. but her I really like, like really really like..

Although ive dropped out of school I can get my GED no problem, Its just a matter of time and money..

I dont feal comfortable going out places like clubs or movies and all, im not shy at all, just confidence issues.. I have a really small case of acne, but It still really REALLY bothers me, im slightly overweight, 6ft1 and im [weight number removed].. not a good combination really..ive tried so many acne products so many weight loss guides I cant seam to help find anything..

I guess maybe I get so depressed cause of that..
I do have some friends, just my co-workers really..
I met her at my job to be exact haha..
A few years ago I would cut myself to releave stress.. boy did It work so much..
but It started to effect me In ways that others noticed and I did not want It to be noticed. I guess CPS found out(I was around 16 at the time) And I didnt want to get taken away from my parents, I talked with the CPS agent that was on my case I guess, and begged them not to do anything.. I made her(the agent) A promise that I would never In my life do It again.. did I do It again? No. Will I do It again? No.
Do I want to do It again? Oh so badly.

I just dont know what to do anymore and It Is really starting to catch up with me!

well seeing you ditched me(lol) I am going to go to bed as well..have not slept In 29 hours I think sleep Is important isnt it?
I will log on sometime tomorrow. Night to all ive made it through another day..

*Sees you online so I wait for a few minutes lol*


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Last edited by Gaia; August 1st 2010 at 10:30 AM. Reason: removing weight number.
   
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Re: for so long ive tried.. - August 1st 2010, 07:08 AM

jason.

I understand how much of a shitty time you have been through. I also know how it feels like having stuff like acne and all that which makes you feel slightly unconfident in yourself... and more.

But lets face it.. there's more to talking to people and being confident than looking good like one of those victoria secret's models.. I think that you are one of those people who're very hard to come by. You're definitely going to be a really good listener, and i can tell that you're sensitive to other people's feelings as well. Someone like you has such a potential to have a good time ahead ... dont doubt yourself. Just remember that the first step to improve everything is always the hardest but after you try and succeed at least a little, remember that even from there, it can always get better.

dont give up, and remember that all of us are going to be here to support you, whatever it takes.I definitely believe that you're going to get the good times.. and basically all the smiles and happiness you truly deserve oh, and it'll feel so good. trust me on that.

remember to keep smiling dude! and ohh yea.. consider me a friend as well.


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Re: for so long ive tried.. - August 1st 2010, 03:28 PM

the red text that says [weight number removed] is longer than the accually weight lol that just made me look bigger lol. I didnt realise we couldnt put the number so I apologize. lets just say slightly over weight.

So I fealt a little better last night when I went to bed, slept about 2 hours last night , and watched the clock roll minute by minute.

things ive wanted to do, things ive always dreamed of doing, are so far out of grasp by the time I accually get there my life Is done and over with. my step brothers all have joined the airforce, that has been a life long dream of mine. Yet there Is no chance I will ever be getting into the airforce.

I wanted to join the airforce because I look at my step brothers as an idol, I see them as heroes, someone to look up to.. I look at my dad, been in the army since he was 18(retired vietnam vet now) my grandfather in the military since he was 17.. and so on.. It seams every male in my family has been in the military and I dont even get the chance to join. They have all done what they chose to do, yet what I want to do Is soo far out of reach.

A slight of good news, this girl I like called me up at 6:00 this morning and asked If I wanted to go to church and then her friends-sons, birthday party with her.. I said yea, Im only going to church because she wants me to go with her not because I feal the need to go to church so dont get them mixed up....seriously though.. only cause she wants me..to go with her.. yes I am happy she called and wants to hang out lol but that still doesnt make my day that much better..
shit i guess it does..

BUT STILL the fact that I cannot do what I want to do in the future, the carreer I want to take. Since as long as I can remember I would always say I want to join the airforce.. Remember In school they ask you what you want to be when you grow up? I always said and chose the airforce.. school papers to prove It...

Well she just pulled up so I am out of here. I will log on later.


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Re: for so long ive tried.. - August 1st 2010, 04:55 PM

sometimes things do not go the way we want them to.. but just remember that there might be other things that can grab your lifelong interest. And besides that its quite obvious that the girl asking you out made your day quite a bit . So remember that there are loads of stuff that can certainly make your day and everything better. I think that you should go out more often.. and then certainly spend more time enjoying and being happy.

Well.. cause being happy is a good thing. If i were you i'll do what i myself said as well.

Hope all is well. I'm certainly ready and up for helping out and listening !


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Re: for so long ive tried.. - August 2nd 2010, 02:43 PM

days like yesterday, I left at 10:35am and didnt get back until the this morning at 3:00.. we were out all day yesterday, those very rare days are what keep me saying yes, just 1 more day, yes just 1 more day,


I dont have people to go out with, I dont feal comfortable meeting new people because of the things mentioned above, Its not the fact im worried how people see me, its how I see me. The most Important person that should have an effect on you based on your appearance Is yourself, and It drops my confidence to rock bottom lows.


I still feal uncomfortable around her and she notices It, and has told me I need to relax around her..
So I took a leap of faith and told her I really, really really liked her. I told her I know she has a boyfriend and kids with him, and I dont plan on getting In the way. I just want her to know that I liked her so much, and wanted to hang out with her still. I told her boyfriend that as well over the phone.

The boyfriend Is in more of a mood he would still like to put me in a choke hold until my face chances colors, but he knows that Im not getting in the way of their relationship...

But with her when I told her, It turned out far different... She gave me a hug and said she It happy I told her, and she thinks I am cool and likes me as well.(more than friends but not a couple lol) and kissed me on my cheek and said thank you..

Got back home, laid down In bed, looked up at the ceiling and said oh shit.

then the day Is done and wont be like that again for like a billion years...


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Re: for so long ive tried.. - August 2nd 2010, 06:15 PM

better days than that are coming and remember that your appearance is something special, and to tell you the truth.. you're wonderful in your own way. However you think you look, that is the plain fact behind it all.

DO NO doubt that, and remember that you deserve the best. You deserve all the affection and good things in the world.

I'm hoping stuff gets better from here on out. And dont be afraid of people.. because i know that there are a lot of people out there who would love to meet, help and support you throughout everything you do. i am CONFIDENT that you deserve the best and most wonderful of experiences, and NOTHING can take that away from you!


Those who have went through more pain than everyone else, and want to protect anyone and everyone they know and care for from that pain, are stronger than everyone.

we come, we help, we stick and never leave. pm me anytimeee!

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