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Depression and Suicide If you or a loved one is feeling depressed or suicidal, you are not alone. Talk with other users about your feelings here.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
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i feel worthless... :'l - August 2nd 2010, 01:17 AM


im sick of this.

i have 3 little brothers.
my moms not around anymore.

my dad asks his parents and brother in law to help us,
and because i go to what they refer to as a 'mental school',
and because i dont go to thei rhouse anymore because it makes me feel suicidle, grieving, it hurts me to go to my grandparents house,
they refuse to do anything for me.
but for my three little brothers they'll pay for anything, they'll pay for anything for my dad, whatever. asking for 20 dollars is aparently too much when they pay 200 for my brothers golf lessons and then another 50 for all their haircuts and offer to buy my dad a new stereo and are paying half of our rent. :'|

we're moving in a couple days and theyre helping out a bunch, but everyone just leaves me to fall on my ass
i go to counseling and im on anti depressants but none of its helping anymore.
i feel worthless.

i used to babysit but no one seems to need a babysitter anymore.

yes, i should be greatful for water and a roof over my head, but half the time we dont even have water or food.
we're on foodstamps, and our water gets shut off every couple months.

and the foodstamps got shut off.

sometimes i wish i would just die.
im worthless.

every time i try to calmly explain to my dad or anyone else how i feel,
it ends up biting me in the ass and they go tell myc ounseler im more fucked up than they thought i was,

and ITS NOT TRUE. they misunderstand. i try to have calm conversations with them, then they throw shit in my face that i dont need to hear.
its a bunch of lies.
and the little bit of truth they do tell me,
i dont need to hear!
im fucking fourteen!
i dont need to hear that our powers getting shut off or that my moms on fucking meth.

i just want someone to show me that they care :'|
but aparently im not good enough for that.
and all my brothers, who ive raised 4 years of my life due to my dads braintumor and my moms drugs and her in and out of mental hospitals and stuff, are.

i get no thanks for that. NONE.
then they take all my brothers away from me.

my little brother right now just came up to me instead of my dad!
hes 9. hes sobbing cause he hurt his arm, and my dad was right there.

LIFE IS FUCKING HELL!
-.-

nothing i do is enough for anyone.. i havent SH'ed in about a month.....
i know its not the answer.. im trying really hard not to, i had my 11 year old brother hide all my sharps, but if i get any more desperate i'll end up using my fingernails or somthing :'| i feel numb.

i need to feel somthing.

im sobbing right now, and my family doesnt care.
:'|
i give up on life.
im tired of trying to be happy for people.
it just doesnt work anymore.
then i try to be myself, and other people get pissed with me and tell me im not acting like i should or whatever.

IM SORRY IM NOT ENOUGH FOR MY FUCKING SELFISH ASS FAMILY.
:'|


"Be kinder than necessary, for everyone is fighting some kind of battle." <3


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  (#2 (permalink)) Old
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Re: i feel worthless... :'l - August 2nd 2010, 01:38 AM

You aren't worthless. Your family is just stupid. You are a great person. You lr brothers look up to you. There is a reason why your little brother came to you instead of your father. It's because he knows you can fix it. He trusts you. In a way you are the mother. Even though that isn't fair to you. And if you were worthless do you think you brother would have hid the sharp objects for you. It's obvious that your brothers love you. If the rest of your family does oh well. There isn't anything to change. If you need something and you can't get it see if your brothers can get it for you. A family is supposed to stick together no matter what. Your family doesn't understand that. You are a wonderful person who is worth a lot to her younger siblings. If you ever need to talk pm me.


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  (#3 (permalink)) Old
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Re: i feel worthless... :'l - August 2nd 2010, 03:15 AM

thanks.. i needed to hear that.


"Be kinder than necessary, for everyone is fighting some kind of battle." <3


Feel free to PM/VM me if you ever need someone to talk to, or just want someone to listen. I'm also always up for making new friends.
   
  (#4 (permalink)) Old
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Re: i feel worthless... :'l - August 2nd 2010, 05:36 AM

YOU ARE NOT WORHTLESS your just amazing see your brother came to you. you are better than your dad so please call me any time/? please call i need to help someone feeling a bit worthles myself [Edited]

Last edited by eunoia; August 2nd 2010 at 05:57 AM. Reason: It is unsafe to post your phone number on the Internet.
   
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Re: i feel worthless... :'l - August 2nd 2010, 05:54 AM

hey. i understand that sometimes in the heat of all things.. sometimes people just take and dont appreciate. Which is something not respectable and not justified and not good by any means. I am just going to say that i respect you so much for what you did and what you're going to presevere and continue doing.. stuff has been so hard for you. But just remember that stuff that's feeling like it cant get any worse, can definitely get a lot better.

Try talking with the brothers and stuff and tell them stuff is hard on you. I think that you definitely deserve all the respect and appreciation you can get from this.. ONLY A FEW people in the world can get through with your responsibility and do it because it is very hard. YOU'RE FOURTEEN! damn fourteen. and you've to do all this. You've probably got patience on the level of a saint, or even more. Just to let you know i'm proud of you, and so should everyone you know be. remember you should be proud of yourself.. you deserve to be.

And maybe you could find and do stuff that you yourself really like. I know that for now it seems hard to be happy, but if you find something that you yourself are really passionate about and stick with it (like maybe dancing, or music or anything similar) then i think you'll be on the right track.

I know it all seems very hard, but we all have faith in you. Hold on.. because i know eventually, stuff's definitely gonna get better.

We'll be there to listen and support you. that much is assured!


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  (#6 (permalink)) Old
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Re: i feel worthless... :'l - August 2nd 2010, 05:58 AM

thankyou so much.. that means alot.. yea im really into music.. i play guitar, bass, piano, and write songs and stuff... its pretty much my world outside of my brothers. Ive lost all of my friends, and most of the activities i used to do, because of my depression.. im trying to work my way back into the activities, and make new friends.. but its still hard, yaknow? im not the parent here.. i should have never had that responsibility. but i didnt have much of a choice, if i didnt step up to the plate, god only knows where my brothers would be now..

thanks lizzy and darren.. (:


"Be kinder than necessary, for everyone is fighting some kind of battle." <3


Feel free to PM/VM me if you ever need someone to talk to, or just want someone to listen. I'm also always up for making new friends.
   
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Re: i feel worthless... :'l - August 2nd 2010, 06:00 AM

no problem so are you feeling any better?
   
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Re: i feel worthless... :'l - August 2nd 2010, 06:01 AM

yea im feeling a little better. im able to calm down now that everyone in my house is asleep.


"Be kinder than necessary, for everyone is fighting some kind of battle." <3


Feel free to PM/VM me if you ever need someone to talk to, or just want someone to listen. I'm also always up for making new friends.
   
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Re: i feel worthless... :'l - August 2nd 2010, 06:04 AM

good thanks for the advice on my post by the way
   
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Re: i feel worthless... :'l - August 2nd 2010, 06:12 AM

your welcome.. [:


"Be kinder than necessary, for everyone is fighting some kind of battle." <3


Feel free to PM/VM me if you ever need someone to talk to, or just want someone to listen. I'm also always up for making new friends.
   
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Re: i feel worthless... :'l - August 2nd 2010, 08:55 AM

you're very welcome. just remember that with new activities come more new things to look forward to. you can do this! i'm so proud and respectful of you for being so responsible!


Those who have went through more pain than everyone else, and want to protect anyone and everyone they know and care for from that pain, are stronger than everyone.

we come, we help, we stick and never leave. pm me anytimeee!

Official member of the completely Unofficial free hugs Club !

I'm firing mah Hugs!
   
  (#12 (permalink)) Old
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Re: i feel worthless... :'l - August 2nd 2010, 10:47 AM

thanks darrenboy, (:that means alot.


"Be kinder than necessary, for everyone is fighting some kind of battle." <3


Feel free to PM/VM me if you ever need someone to talk to, or just want someone to listen. I'm also always up for making new friends.
   
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