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Depression and Suicide If you or a loved one is feeling depressed or suicidal, you are not alone. Talk with other users about your feelings here.

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HopelessVictim Offline
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Off And On - August 4th 2010, 10:56 PM

This thread has been labeled as triggering by the original poster or by a Moderator. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

I have been this way for far too long. For over two years I have had on and off depression. Usually the periods of depression last anywhere from three weeks to nine months. I know that I need to get myself back to the way I used to be, back before I ever had to worry about whether or not I would someday snap and commit suicide. However, I've tried to be happy, I really have, but I always fail. It's as if I have no control over my emotions. I'm sick of it, I really am. I want it to end, but I don't want suicide to be they way it happens. I just don't know what to do, I just don't. My home life isn't too great, my parents drink and get into fights. When they do this, I have to lock myself in my room all day to avoid confrontation, and I often feel trapped and isolated that way. However, that's the only way I can avoid them, and I know I would only grow to be more depressed if I get into fights with them.

I just don't know what I should do anymore. I've done things like force myself to think positive thoughts, ect. but it never worked...I've always gone back to being depressed and alone. There are days when I know that they should be good days but I still get depressed and I feel like there is no way out. I've thought about starting to cut for so long and even though I always try my best to avoid those thoughts, they always creep their way back into my mind. The alternatives don't work anymore. For the thousandth time, I just don't know what to do. I feel trapped in my own dark abyss. I can't seem to get out. Please help. I'm desprate.


8262010
The Day I First Cut Myself...
   
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Jacksonian Offline
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Re: Off And On - August 4th 2010, 11:45 PM

First of all try and make the best of all situations. Secondly don't try too hard. There is a difference between trying too hard and try the right way. So just try and make the best of every opportunity in life and spending life well but don't try and force things to go well.


I came here to help out, so if you wanna talk or just need someone to bounce ideas or issues off of or something else then send me a message and I will reply as soon as I can.
   
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Re: Off And On - August 5th 2010, 03:12 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Jacksonian View Post
First of all try and make the best of all situations. Secondly don't try too hard. There is a difference between trying too hard and try the right way. So just try and make the best of every opportunity in life and spending life well but don't try and force things to go well.
Make the best of all situations, hmm...I don't mean to sound rude, but if your mom is drunk and yelling at you to stop being a bitch when you haven't done anything, how do you make the best of that? If your dad is drunk off his ass and is angry because your 23-year-old brother wanted to visit you, how do you make the best of that?

Don't try too hard...try the right way. Just what exactly is this right way?

Make the best of every opportunity in life. Opportunities? What opportunities? I never get to see any of these "opportunities" that you speak of.

Try not to force things to go well. What else can I do? Everything turns into shit when I don't.



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HopelessVictim Offline
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Re: Off And On - August 5th 2010, 09:28 PM

Please dear God and Goddess, please make this terrible pain stop...


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Re: Off And On - August 5th 2010, 09:44 PM

hey... i can relate i have to lock myself in my room bc my moms bf picks fights with me ...he just gets in my face and i try to defuse the situation but i cant and then the cops come... anyways i draw and i have this whole blue fase thing were aall my work is tribal and heavy ink blow and dark sillowetes because thats how it gets its like oil it just covers you and suffocates you.... it dosnt get better all at once but maby if you pm me about wat its like at your house day to day ...maby it can help to talk
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Re: Off And On - August 6th 2010, 01:52 PM

Thanks
I draw too, it's just that I've been stuck on what to draw lately, I think I will try drawing tribal and dark silloettes, ect. because I've always liked those.
I'll PM you too


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Re: Off And On - August 6th 2010, 09:38 PM

Hi April. I am sorry you are going through such a rough time right now, it sounds really difficult. I can't begin to understand your situation since I've never had to deal with a similar situation, but I do want to help in any way I can. I have suffered from depression for about six years now, so I do understand that. I wish there was something I could say, some secret that would make you feel better - but there isn't
I find the best way I can cope is just to distract myself. It's sort of like the drawing - which I think is a great idea! I also write a lot... do you do that? It can be really helpful sometimes to just get all your bad feelings out on to paper. It's sort of cleansing, for me at least.
If you ever need someone to talk to, feel free to PM me anytime.
   
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HopelessVictim Offline
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Re: Off And On - August 6th 2010, 10:15 PM

Thank you katniss
Yes, I draw and I write, so I know that feeling of distraction from the rest of the world and how good it feels to write your feelings on paper. I wish I could do it all the time, actually. I feel like doing it right now, actually. It's about the only thing I have to make me feel better. However, sometimes it doesn't work, although most of the time it does. Plus, I can't do it all the time, but I do draw and write whenever I have the chance. However, my feelings are so intense that I sometimes scare myself with what I write.


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Re: Off And On - August 7th 2010, 01:25 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by HopelessVictim View Post
Make the best of all situations, hmm...I don't mean to sound rude, but if your mom is drunk and yelling at you to stop being a bitch when you haven't done anything, how do you make the best of that? If your dad is drunk off his ass and is angry because your 23-year-old brother wanted to visit you, how do you make the best of that?

Don't try too hard...try the right way. Just what exactly is this right way?

Make the best of every opportunity in life. Opportunities? What opportunities? I never get to see any of these "opportunities" that you speak of.

Try not to force things to go well. What else can I do? Everything turns into shit when I don't.

Well, there is always a good way to go about bad situations. First of all, stay away from drunk people. If your parents are drunk don't say anything to make them angry, watch your words and behave well. If they are calling you names, don't respond. Is there something you can do during that time to shift your focus away from the bad situation ? E.g do something you love, or if its a school night do your homework, or work on getting better grades by studying (I know it sounds geekish, but you want a good life later on, it will have to start from within you). If you look closely then you can figure something out.

Trying the right way ? This means not stressing on making things work right. Cause yu can't control everything, you don't have power over everything, so if you set your goals on making everything go right, it may lead you to crash and burn when even the smallest thing goes awry, then you lose everything else you built mentally.

Opportunities come by, they may be rare but there is always a time when you can do something more. These opportunities are for your future, they may not come now, but later they will come, so remember to take them but first you have to keep watch and notice them.

Once again, try not to force things to go well. Cause you can't control everything especially interactions with other people cause they can do whatever they want, and sometimes it affects you. So setting out to force things to work well may not turn out well and when it doesn't work well, you will be in pain.

NB : By what you are going through, you need to see if there is a way you can live well. If things are hard, start out slow doing things for yourself, slowly becoming independent.

NB 2 : I come from Africa, people drunk is something which is last on a long line of trouble, and them being drunk is not even the problem. I was blessed but I also wasted some really good chances, for you, there is always a way to make things better, some are long term solutions others are short term solutions, so you just need to keep watch.


I came here to help out, so if you wanna talk or just need someone to bounce ideas or issues off of or something else then send me a message and I will reply as soon as I can.

Last edited by Jacksonian; August 7th 2010 at 01:26 AM. Reason: Addition.
   
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