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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
awesomism Offline
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Name: Marisa
Age: 24
Gender: Female
Location: California

Posts: 10
Join Date: July 27th 2010

Thumbs down i want to die - August 5th 2010, 04:35 AM

My life seems like there is nothing to look forward to anymore. My dad is out of the country so my sister is watching me. Letís just say here is the scenario my sister is 20------ she has been partying every night since my dad left. My dad is gone for 3 weeks and is all the way across the world from me. My sister is underage to be drinking but she has been going around that rule. She has been getting intoxicated the last 3 nights. I feel like I am living a dream because at 1:30 am she and her so called friends were blasting backstreet boys. She has been very rude to me and also very mean. I try and have a basic small talk conversation with her and she just starts being so mean to me and tells me I get what ever I want which is so not true. We used to get along so well but we are going down scale and I am feeling very suicidal this evening and she does not even care she rather be partying with her friends and forget to watch her 14 year old sister. At the moment I really just want to die I have nothing to live for any more. I wish I owned a gun so I could just kill my self instantly. I have really bad depression and my health is not the greatest at the moment. I have been self injuring my body for almost two years now. I have less than 24 hours self injury free and I feel like I am probable going to harm my body tonight. I have so much stress and no one cares how I feel. I actually have written a list to see who would care if I ended up killing my self and only 7 people would be very hurt by it and about 40 people would care less. So the fact that not many people would care any ways make me want to hurt my self even more. I just canít keep living like this my life is unmanageable. My dad is pretty close to me but he is oblivious to how I am feeling and does not know how he can help me so that makes me feel worst and I feel like no one can help me any ways. I miss my dad a lot and I know that I am probable going to die before he gets back anyways because I am done fighting this battle that never ends. I hate my life and could care less if I end it tonight. My sister is at the community pool partying and basically I am at my house stuck being her slave. If I say no I donít want to do that she starts screaming in my face what is fucking wrong with me that my own sister fucking hates me. I just want to end my fucking life so bad I am tired of living like this.
  (#2 (permalink)) Old
~*Rach*~ Offline
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Re: i want to die - August 5th 2010, 05:09 AM

Hey Marisa,
Im Rachel.
Im sorry to hear you are having such a hard time! I wish I could tell you something that would take that pain away, but I cant, no one can...
I want you to know you arent alone...Life isnt easy...god of all people I know that.
I want you to close your eyes.... think about why you came to teenhelp???
We all came for a reason... I came because I couldnt make sense of who i was...... I came because my life was in a mess.... I didnt know where else to go.
Did you come because you wanted our help??
We are all here for a reason.... I want to help you and Im sure there is many more people on this site that DONT WANT YOU TO DIE.
I dont know where you live or whether you have close friends around you... If you do....please go to them! tell them how you are feeling...They would rather deal with pain together than not have you at all.
If you dont have anyone.... please call a help line....and if you fell so unsafe.....please just call an ambulance...
Could you call your Dad??? Talk to him???
Does any one know how you feel???

I wish I could be there....... To hug and look after you... but I cant.... Im sorry
Feel free to pm me ANY TIME!!!

You are gorgous! Always remember that
Feel Free to PM me any time.
"The fear of fighting is a fighting fear"
  (#3 (permalink)) Old
Keyblade Offline
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Re: i want to die - August 5th 2010, 05:44 AM

Hey, i know how you feel. You feel like that life isnt worth living, that sumday you want to kill urself and no one would care. Or even runaway and go sumwhere to where no one will find you. To where you feel like nothing. But don't think that at all. I'm also very depressed too. I've had multiple times where I jst wanted to go and die. But ever since my grandma passed away, I always hav her telling me, asking me, if what im doin is right. To this day im still sad, but not sad enough to kill myself. Ur sister seems like a straight up bitch. A good solution to ur problem would be to talk to sumone about this. Like a guidance consulor at school. Or since ur sick living with her, y not move in with a close relative, or ask one of ur friends if u can stay over their house for a while until ur dad gets back. And once he does, sit down and talk with him about how U feel and how ur sister treated u. Ur dad will be very happy that you told him this. I hope this helps
  (#4 (permalink)) Old
Random_Hero Offline
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Name: armand
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Location: louisiana

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Join Date: February 12th 2009

Re: i want to die - August 5th 2010, 05:52 AM

hey im the youngest in my family... i hated it your absolutly right ....when the older sibling is in controle its the most unstable thing ever...all mysister would do was get messed up and have a bunch of freinds and she would be a huge bitch to me.... people told me one day we would get allong but i never beleived it till she moved out and started a family....now she is a grown up who dosnt have time to be a bitch ....she actualy treats me like a human being....i guess i am trying to say that she wont always be so self centered about her actions and how they effect you... ...its not you its her becoming an adult ....most people are erational assholes at this stage...please hang in ther... i realy hope this helped... if you need to talk or text just send me a pm and i mean that i wanna help
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