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Here we go again.. - August 11th 2010, 06:31 PM

I dont know what's wrong with me. I should be happy right ? My family loves me, so does my friends and things are normal.. i guess. I've just been feeling alone lately again, maybe cause it seems like everyone i know is changing, maybe its me who is changing, i dont know. i dont know why i'm writing this either. Possibly just to write, maybe get it off my chest, maybe hope it will just all go away once i hit the submit button.
Anyways is it odd i've been just emotionless lately ? well i shouldn't say that. the only emotions i've felt lately is pain and sadness. i know i can cry still. As i've gotten better at that it seems i've gotten worse at smiling. It's like smiling is something i need to learn all over again. Sure i can control the muscles on my face to form a smile but of course its fake. not real. when do you ever see a real smile anymore ?
I could go on and on but whats the point ha. all i've been doing is tying to busy myself as im starting to fight the urge of hurting myself again. i just keep thinking maybe thats the release i need to feel but i dont want to at the same time i want it more than anything ? is that possible ? i guess so. Well i'll stop writing now, thanks if you actually read this. Hope your day goes better than mine.
   
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Re: Here we go again.. - August 11th 2010, 10:37 PM

Hey there,

It sounds as if you are dealing with a lot at the moment and I am sorry to hear that. I really hope that you keep hanging on because things can get better with time.

Do you know why these changes in your behavior have occured? Did something happen recently that led to this or was it small events that added up? I think it is important for you to figure out the reasons behind your feelings so that you can come to terms with them, learn how to fix them or learn to better deal with them. Once you can figure out the reasons behind your feelings you can deal with them and eventually these intense feelings might go away.

I know that figuring out the reasons behind these issues is not always easy so I am going to encourage you to journal. I sometimes have trouble identifying why I get sad and journaling helps be figure it out. I just write what I am feeling, what has been going on in my life etc and eventually I figure things out about my sadness and can start to cope with it and eventually I start to feel better. So, maybe journaling will help you?

Remember that when you are journaling it does not have to be perfect. Don't write it as if it is a school paper, don't think out what you want to write, instead just write what you are feeling. This, I have found, helps me to better deal with emotions and really does help me better figure out the issues behind my feelings.

Do you have people in your life you could talk to? A friend? A family member? Another trusted person? If so I would highly recommend that you reach out to them. It is not fair for you to have to go through this alone. And, when people are struggling with sadness it really does help for them to have a support network. It helps them to not feel so alone. Maybe it will help you?

Do you have a therapist? If not I would encourage you to seek one. I know talking to a complete stranger about your feelings can be hard but if you find the right therapist they can be really helpful. If you are completely open and honest with them about what is going on in your life they can help you cope and they can give you someone safe to talk to and they can help you find some positive coping skills.

As for hurting yourself, I am not sure if you mean self harm or suicide but either way I am going to encourage you to look at the alternatives to self harm. I know that when I was really struggling with self harm and suicidal ideation the alternatives helped to distract me. Sometimes when you cannot wave a magic wand and make the feelings just disappear distractions are the next best thing. Maybe the alternatives will help you with that?

Here is the link:

http://www.teenhelp.org/forums/f12-self-harm/t9418-alternatives-self-harm/

I hope that this helped and if you need anything please feel free to pm me.

Jenna


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Re: Here we go again.. - August 13th 2010, 06:37 AM

I'm not really why this seems to be happening. I might start journaling, that sounds like it might be helpful. And no i dont really have anyone i can talk to, my parents would just make me go see a therapist again [so yes i have had one] and none of my friends really know about all of this. I've gotten good at hiding my true emotions. I have seen the alternatives to self harm but sometimes they arent enough :l and i dont feel like i want to commit suicide right now but i just dont know.

Thanks for actually reading my post though and responding^^
   
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Re: Here we go again.. - August 13th 2010, 11:33 PM

Hey there,

No problem. I was happy to read your post. I hope it helped.

Do you think it would be a bad idea for your parents to send you to a therapist? It might not hurt to try again?

As for the alternatives, they don't always work but the point of using them is to get your body to recognize that it doesn't have to turn to Self harm as a coping skill. It takes a while but it can help over time. I know it took me a good two years to really have them work every time. It is worth the time though, I promise.

If you ever need to chat feel free to pm me.


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