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fakeasmilex3 Offline
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Name: Jenna
Age: 26
Gender: Female
Location: United States

Posts: 34
Blog Entries: 8
Join Date: February 23rd 2010

Unhappy what has my life become - August 12th 2010, 01:57 AM

This thread has been labeled as triggering by the original poster or by a Moderator. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

i look and i cannot believe what my life has become. i cry and feel down; its just a 'normal' part of my day. swalling multiple tablets, pills, and capsules that i feel like do nothing for me, twice daily. the casual trips to the emergency room for psychiatric evaluations and being admitted for suicidal thoughts. how im just constantly fighting not to relapse and slice my thigh or wrist open again. i go to day programs and talk to certain people about previous admissions like its nothing weird or out of ordinary. im struggling to keep old friends. my past constantly enters my mind and i cant let some of it go, i try my best. ive been hurt, used, walked over, left, lied to so many times. just what has this all come through. im pathetic. i just, i dont think i can do this much longer anymore. the sweet shiny sliver of metal.. i want it..
   
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katniss Offline
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Name: Sarah
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Gender: Female
Location: Ohio is for Lovers

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Re: what has my life become - August 12th 2010, 01:59 PM

Jenna: First of all, being brave enough to post your story here proves that you are NOT pathetic. A lot of us here can relate to the pills, to the therapy, to the addiction that cutting becomes. I am definitely aware.
I know it can be difficult to keep old friends when you are going through such a rough time... personally I've alienated myself so much that my friends forget about me. Just make an effort to talk to them, your friends care about you.
And I don't know how long it's been since you've cut, but no matter if it's three hours, three days, weeks, months - I'm proud of you. It's such a difficult addiction to break, I can't stop for more than a few hours. So I want you to know that I think it's great that you've been able to. I think everyone who quits is still going to think about cutting from time to time, it's only natural.
If you need someone to talk to, feel free to PM me. I can try to understand what you're going through.. sometimes just talking things out can help.
I hope things get better for you.
   
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