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Depression and Suicide If you or a loved one is feeling depressed or suicidal, you are not alone. Talk with other users about your feelings here.

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Ella.x Offline
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Running out of options - August 15th 2010, 06:25 PM

I honestly don't know how much longer I can take this. I'm stuck in a dead-end job in a warehouse. I used to have ambitions. I used to have the potential to do something with my life. This time last year, I was preparing to move away to university. I've thrown it all away now. I failed out of uni because I was too depressed to get out of bed and go to lectures. I didn't even go to half of my exams. The worst thing is knowing that I did this to myself. I hate myself for how pathetic I've let myself become.

I'm constantly exhausted because I can't sleep. I'm not eating properly. I drink too much. Now my kidneys have started hurting (I have polycystic Kidney Disease) towards the end of my shifts because of the physical strain on my body from all of this, and all I can think is that the pain is only going to get worse as time goes on until I'm in constant pain and have to have a transplant, so what is the point in letting it get to that stage. Why not kill myself now?

I'm on antidepressants and mood stabilisers. I see a psychiatrist every couple of months and I see a counsellor every 3-4 weeks. None of it's wokring. I honestly don't know what to do. I don't know how to make myself better. Someone please help me.
   
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Re: Running out of options - August 15th 2010, 08:28 PM

i know how you feel but, trust me i know how you feel even though you are depressed you can get the help you need maybe try going to see your therapist more often like maybe every week or every other week but there are reasons that you should live because there are people who care about you, they wouldnt want to just leave now and i know that i dont know you that well but i can tell you have the poteintal to become someone you just need the help now and it is hard at first but, in the end you will become more.

i beilve in you please get the help now, have you told your therapist how you have been feeling lately maybe you two can talk more often?

You can always PM me, i am here for you

Theresa
   
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Re: Running out of options - August 15th 2010, 08:39 PM

Hey there,

That all sounds stuff but I am encouraging you to hang on because it can get better. Life has its many ups and downs and sometimes the downs are so unbearable that we want to let go but then the ups come and it makes holding on through those downs worth it.

Can you slowly work your way back into school? You are having trouble with your kidneys so maybe the first thing to do would be to chat with a doctor and see what they have to say about it? Once you get your medical issues controlled a little bit better maybe you could go down to your university and talk with a counselor; explain to them what is going on in life and ask if they could help you figure things out? Maybe you could go to school part time? I know that schooling in the UK is different then the USA but if that is an option maybe you could look into it?

I know the first semester that I ended up taking at my college I only had two classes. If I would have been ready to go back to school that amount of classes would have been perfect.

Now, another thing to remember when it comes to school is that it will ALWAYS be there for you to go back too. I know that I had to drop two semesters during college and it killed me because I felt stupid and unambitious. However, I realized how important it was for me to get mentally stable before going into school; yes I was lacking ambition but that was because I was depressed. It took me a little while to get more mentally stable.

It is okay to take a break from school because you can get back into it.

As for therapy and all that, are you being completely open and honest with your doctors? Telling them how sad you are and telling them that their 'remedies' are not working? Maybe your psychiatrist can try to fit you in on a more regular basis as well as your therapist. Those things might not be working because you are not getting an intensive amount. So, I would suggest that you call your therapist and you call your psychiatrist and express you concerns with them and see if they can help.

I know the waiting involved it getting through depression can really suck but you can make it you just have to believe.

I hope this helped and if you need anything please feel free to pm me.

Jenna


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Re: Running out of options - August 19th 2010, 12:49 PM

I just got fired because I fainted at work. As soon as I could stand up again they made me walk home. It's nice to know that my health is meaningless. Now I have no way of paying my rent let alone buying food. Every time I think things can't get worse they do.
My psychiatrist and counsellor are always fully booked so it takes ages to get appointments with them. Besides, there doesn't seem to be much point in seeing them when they don't help. I'm feeling really suicidal today. I don't know how to cope with all of this.
   
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Re: Running out of options - August 19th 2010, 06:52 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Ella.x View Post
I just got fired because I fainted at work. As soon as I could stand up again they made me walk home. It's nice to know that my health is meaningless.
Sorry. I know exactly how this feels. I was fired because well, first time they wanted to fire me, they said it was because I took too many bathroom breaks... while I was treating a HEAT RASH. Then, they decided to fire me permanently while I was on vacation to see my long-distance boyfriend.

I know the money stress, since I'm trying to move out at 22, and now have NO means of income to save up, so I'm stuck at home with a family that makes things worse.

We'll struggle together.


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