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deadno0b Offline
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Unhappy a not-so-short summary about myself. - August 18th 2010, 12:01 AM

This thread has been labeled as triggering by the original poster or by a Moderator. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

This is my first ever post on here, a friend told me about this site so i guess here goes.

Im 17 and ever since i was in elementary school i have had depression. I swore to myself when i was in fifth grade that before i finished high school i was going to kill myself if nothing got better in my life.

It did for a little while because i met this amazing girl l i went out with for a year and a half just dumped me out of the blue 3 weeks ago for some other guy. We had plans on getting engaged this coming Christmas but i guess she stopped loving me. so now my depression is back and worse than ever, and ive already tried to OD on ADD pills last Saturday night, and was screwed up after that for a couple days after i took them, speaking as i took 5 and i dont even have ADD.

Also about a year ago i sent myself to the ER because i cut my leg open so bad i needed stiches for it.

as it is i cant go a day without thinking about suicide or death or cutting. It is no longer IF i think about it, its WHEN and how MANY TIMES in one day.

Im a senior in high school so i always figured that sometime this year i would finally end it, but all my friends claim i will find another girl and things will get better but they never do.

So now im wrapped up in a period of self loathing and have been having some serious thoughts of taking the shotgun i have in my room, and just blowing my brains all over the walls. i really cant take this constant pain and anger, and pure misery and despair anymore... :\

i think i need help...

Last edited by .:Bibliophile:.; August 18th 2010 at 03:04 AM.
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**Theresa** Offline
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Re: a not-so-short summary about myself. - August 18th 2010, 01:35 AM

Hey and welcome to the site, there are many people that are willing to help though this time for you because, i know that it can be hard and there is many resouces also, i am here anytime you want to talk you can allways pm me,

For one, to help you stop self harming you can use the red pen method, You would get a SOF FELT red pen and when you would want to cut you would just make with the red pen where you where going to cut, this is one of the methods that have helped me stop self harming

As for OD i would say that you should flush the pills down the drain or give them to someone to get rid of them for you.

As for the gun then i would put it somewhere someone would question you why do you need that, or what are you goig to do with it, ecause with the gun in your room then no one knows that you have or when you may use but, i know you will not because i kow you can be a strong person and also there is more in life to see.

I hope this helps and i know you want the help since you are reaching out for help here and that is a good thing i know it must have taken alot,

I also self harm not everyday but, about everyother day but, i used it self harm everyday but like five times a day so, i know how you feel

I am always here if you want to talk, you can always PM me,


Last edited by **Theresa**; August 18th 2010 at 02:42 PM.
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katniss Offline
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Re: a not-so-short summary about myself. - August 18th 2010, 06:45 AM

First of all, I want to say that I think it's incredibly brave of you to post your story here. This site is full of people who are willing to help you, and I am definitely one of them.
Have you seen a therapist before? I think it's definitely worth it for you to look into getting someone to talk to. Also, I think your next step should be to get the shotgun out of your room, put it in your parents' room or anywhere really - it shouldn't be in your room right now when you're feeling this vulnerable.
Things can definitely get better, you have to give them a chance. I had my heart broken by the guy I thought was going to be with me forever, that happened the summer before my senior year. Now, going into my second year of college, I met the guy that I really will spend the rest of my life with. Things happen when they do for a reason, and maybe the reason things didn't work out with that girl was because there's someone better for you out there, but you need to give yourself a chance to meet her. And there's more to life than just being in love, think of all the things you have yet to experience.
I've been where you are, and I still self-harm on a daily basis... but I'm working on it. If you ever want to talk, or need someone to just listen without passing judgement, feel free to PM me.
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