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Depression and Suicide If you or a loved one is feeling depressed or suicidal, you are not alone. Talk with other users about your feelings here.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
Lost Girl Offline
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Scared myself - August 21st 2010, 06:33 PM

This thread has been labeled as triggering by the original poster or by a Moderator. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

Hey,
I haven't been on in a while but I need help and I am on a waiting list for a Psych eval and then I will be on another waiting list so I am trying to get help.

Anyway, I have been a self harmer for 6 years now and I have been getting better, cutting less and less and I thought I was doing well, but yesterday I was driving home and as I was approaching a bend something made me put my foot down, I am not sure how I snap out of it in time to slam on the brakes but I did.

Then when I got home I started to cut and I didn't want to stop, I rang my best friend (who is more like my sister) and she let me go over to hers but I was really scared that I was going to do something bad, I started to cut my wrist but again managed to stop it.

I don't remember ever being like this. When I spoke to her last night I said I wanted to be dead and I have never said that to anyone before. I have thought it but I have never said it. Today has been really hard not to cut but so far I have managed it.

I don't want to rely on her all the time it isn't fair but she is the only one that knows and I can't trust anyone else.

I don't really know what I want people to say, I guess I just needed to get it out.

Thanks for reading though


Romans 5: 3-5
Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us.
   
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Re: Scared myself - August 21st 2010, 08:02 PM

Hai Hai!

Do u understand what made you put your foot down? was it a suicide impulse or just for a rush? You need to rely on your friend! you r in a crisis, waiting to get help from the psych eval. No one can make it thru a crisis without someone or something. Fair or not, you need someone to lean on (lean on me, when youre not strong, and ill be your friend... :P) in your time of need. Ask her to help you and if she cant be there, ask her to help you find someone else for the meantime.

Hopes this helps!
   
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Re: Scared myself - August 21st 2010, 08:10 PM

I don't know what made me put my foot down, I wanted to crash I know that but I don't know what I wanted out of it.


Romans 5: 3-5
Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us.
   
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Re: Scared myself - August 22nd 2010, 02:18 AM

You put your foot down because somewhere inside of you, something is telling you that: yes, you might be having impulses and a hard time, but you like life! I've had OCD for a while, and it's been an obsession with suicide. Maybe you have something similar. You can't get it out of your mind. The fact that it scares you is a good thing though It's another example of you liking life, and not truly wanting it to end. If you hang in there, soon enough you'll see what I mean, and things will change. I'm here for you


enjoy what you can, when you can
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Re: Scared myself - August 22nd 2010, 05:09 AM

I know exactly how you feel about not wanting to rely on her so much, I'm in the same situation with my best friend. But, if it were turned around wouldn't you want to know? I know I would want to know when my friend isn't okay, even if they rely on me a lot. But maybe you could talk to her about it, and see if she thinks you rely on her too much?
stay strong <3



"We all have battle scars, Finn. Suck it up and build a brace for yours."
   
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Re: Scared myself - August 22nd 2010, 12:31 PM

Hi Nicki

I am so sorry to hear that this has happened and you are feeling so low.
But I think it is a good sign that you are reaching out for help and it's just a case of hanging on until your evaluation.
Has anything in your life triggered this sudden outburst do you think? Is there anything traumatic that happened recently?

I think that you might have self harmed because you were scared about what happened in the car. Your mind might have gone into panic mode and didn't know how to deal with it, so you turned to cutting.

But keep strong dear, you can pull through it...
Keep going
Charli




   
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Re: Scared myself - August 22nd 2010, 02:51 PM

Thanks for the responses. It's good to hear what other people think, things that I haven't thought of.
I don't know what triggered it. My 38 year old cousin died at the beginning of June and his family came over from America to bury him, but I wasn't that close to him but I am his daughters Godmother.

I had wanted to cut for days but held off and then I just couldn't. I was on my way home after being out with my friend and her boyfriend. I hate being at home and I didn't want to leave them.

I guess I just didn't want to come home.


Romans 5: 3-5
Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us.
   
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Re: Scared myself - August 30th 2010, 01:23 PM

Hey,

It seems like you are going through such a tough time. Its good that you are getting professional help, which is really good, and it sounds like you and your friend are very very close. Maybe she enjoys talking to you? Keep talking to her, im sure she would be okay with it.

I am here if you need to talk, I will be your friend :P

PM me if you would like a chat,

Lex-Fauzia.
   
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