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Exclamation Really did it this time :( - August 23rd 2010, 09:32 PM

This thread has been labeled as triggering, particularly on the subject of suicide, by the original poster or by a Moderator. The contents of this thread therefore might not be suitable for certain sensitive users. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

So after over a month of like feeling depressed, confused, frustrated, lost and so much after my mom died last month I felt so much stuff inside. For like weeks I haven't been able to cry, there has been like anger, frustration, sadness but I have not been able to let it out, and my dad has been all conceaned that I like would rather spend time with my friends then him afterwards, which makes me feel quilty. Last night it all really got to me and like I didn't know what to do, I have cut in the past and like have made like suicide attempts as well.

Last night I started to cut and couldn't stop not until the police came in (I so didn't realize how bad it was either), in the end I ended up gooing to the hospital with the police, and like had to get stitches on my wrist. Today has been crazy with people calling from mental health, my psychiatrist, my doctor, youth and family services and like a bunch of others over how bad my wrist is. But I really don't want to talk them them they don't inderstand, and like just don't get it. I know it was really stupid to do.

I have really scared myself and my dad. Still feel so much, nothing has changed inside of me. School starts in like two weeks and I am so worried now what everyone will think of the scar, and I am worried I won't be able to handle school at all, I don't want to mess up my grad year.

Leanne :/
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Re: Really did it this time :( - August 24th 2010, 02:16 AM

Hey there Leanne,

It sounds like you have been through a lot. I am sorry about the loss of your mom. Losing a parent is a very hard thing to handle. I can understand why you are feeling all the emotions that you are but I want to let you know that you can and will heal with time. Grieving is a process and in order to heal from the death of a loved one you have to let yourself grieve. I don't know how long this griving process will be for you because it is different for everyone but over time you will grieve and slowly start to heal. Don't beat yourself up for not being able to just get over it in a short amount of time. If you don't allow yourself to grieve properly it could have negative effects.

I think that you should reach out to those people around you; I think you should start with your dad. I am sure he loves you very much and will want to help you in any way that he can. And, you two share a common person, your mom. You and him can grieve for her loss togeter. Don't run away from the love and support that those around you can give instead embrace it. I think it will help quite a bit.

As for your self harm; I don't think you should beat yourself up for relapsing like you did. You have just lost a very important person in your life so of course the urges are going to pop back up and they are going to be pretty strong. Remember that you can overcome the self harm with time.

I think you should look into the alternatives. I know that they have helped me fight urges on numerous occasions and I am sure they can help you. Of course, the alternatives do not always work right away. When the urges are stronger or what not it takes your body sometime to adjust to the alternatives being introduced but I am going to encourage you to not give up on them because over time they can really help.

Here is the link:


I also think it would do you a lot of good to talk to your doctors and all the other people willing to help you. I know you don't think they can help you but if you open up to them about what is going on with you and you are completely honest with them they can help you. When it comes to things like therapy we get as much out of it as we put it. So, if you put in 25% then you are only going to get 25% from you doctors. The reason for this is because they can only help us with what we let them in on and at the same time we have to do a little bit of stuff on our own in order to see some change.

I know right now you are struggling but it will not always be like that. You can overcome the loss of your mom and you can get over this depression; you just have to reach out for help and believe in yourself.

I am sure you are a strong person and can make it through all of this. Don't give up on yourself or your life because it can bring you so much happiness.

I hope this helped and if you need anything please feel free to pm me.


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Re: Really did it this time :( - August 24th 2010, 02:57 PM

Hi Leanne

I am really sorry to hear you are feeling so depressed and that you have turned to suicide more than once. Loosing a parent can be hard at any age, and sometimes we just loose any sense of emotion and feel the need to lock it all up inside. Time heals though. Slowly but surely the big hole that your Mum has left in your life will slowly heal up, not completely but it will get better. You'll still miss her some days and wish she was here, but you have to keep strong for you and your Dad.
But you aren't alone. And you should never feel alone, because there are people here to listen and help. People that have been through similar situations, that can relate to how you are feeling and what you are going through.
As for all of the doctors and therapists, I think you should talk to them. I understand that you just want to be alone and not talk about stuff, but it could really help you alot.
Maybe just start off with telling them small things, build up some trust. And then eventually you will begin to feel confident in telling them how you feel and why you are feeling like it. Nobody is going to force you to say something you don't wan't to share.

I think you can get through this Leanne...

Keep strong and keep fighting


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