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ohhmy Offline
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Name: Sam
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Question without answer, am i the one to blame ? - August 26th 2010, 03:20 AM

Still alive. Yay? Blah. I feel useless and that everyone would be better off if i was never born. All of a sudden things are changing. Too quickly though and i dont know why. All i feel like i can do is try to take my mind off of it and so i have started self harming again.. please dont comment if all you are gonna say is things will get better and self harm isnt the good thing to do its not worth it blah blah blah. yes you think i dont know that ? well it doesnt stop me. nothing can give you the same feeling; none of the alternatives either. i dont know what is happening. i just started highschool so yeah im getting used to the change and i dont have many friends anymore i've noticed. im just tired of trying to act happy all the time and lie and im just sick of it all. And on top of that now my house is full of tension. my parents are fighting all the time; they arent the same. my dad is depressed majorly and he is a totally different person and i never thought it would hurt so much to feel like your own father doesnt love you anymore. when i try to talk to him he just listens and then puts on a fake smile real quick and walks away. he is just different. and the other night he slept on the couch for the first time :l

im not saying i want to kill myself i just idk what im saying. idk if this even all makes sense. oh well. theres no one i can talk to about this stuff. so i guess i decided to write it all at ? but yeah thats it.
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Re: Question without answer, am i the one to blame ? - August 26th 2010, 04:02 PM

If you ever want to talk i am here for you, you can always PM me anytime. First, I know you said not to say things will get better but, i know they have for me because i was wrose off than you where because there was way more things going on in my life, and then also that i had to deal with it on my own which kind of sounds how you have to deal with everything but, there is hope and you are not alone there is someone that is worse off than you are and you are NOT to blame for anything.

It is good that you are trying to talk with your father but, maybe he mit need to talk to someone himself and maybe everything can get better and things will change between you and him (the relationship), the only thing that you mit want to try doing (but dont get down if it dosent work) is asking him if he wants to talk to you and maybe you can help him and then he mit feel better.

As for the self harm, you know it is wrong and i am not going to tell you to stop because that isnt easy either ( i know because i selfharmed everyday) but, maybe trying to put it off like saying i am not going to self harm for one day the two days then three then four and so on until you dont self harm anymore.

i think that you are a VERY special person and even though you think things would be better if you werent born, i dont think that is true because there are people that do care about and they would not be the same if your werent born, i think that you have brought many smiles to many people faces.

I know that this time is hard and i know what you are going though and it will not stay the same forever, i am here if you need to talk.

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Re: Question without answer, am i the one to blame ? - August 29th 2010, 02:36 AM

Okay well first off, sometimes life is hard, and I know you said you didn't want people to say this but Idk how else to start this by saying things will eventually find a way to work themselves out, but it'll take time. I was depressed and suicidal and such 2 years ago, and I still have my days, but it's a lot better now. One thing that I remember somebody saying (even though it was to somebody else) that even though, self harm isn't the best thing to do, if it's what's keeping you alive, then I'm not going to tell you not to. And again, nothing happens over night, making friends at your new school will take time, try to be open minded and look on the positive side and TRY to make friends instead of just sitting around moping- find some people that look nice in the cafeteria, or maybe some other people in your classes. Also, a lot of people's parents argue. Maybe try talking to your dad and try asking him if something's going on, try when he seems to be in a good mood. Or maybe write him a letter or email. The old dad that you remember is still in there somewhere. Or maybe try talking to your mom, see if she knows or is willing to tell you anything. And when you said everyone else would be better if you were never born, that's not true, even though I've never met you, you're still an awesome, special, person, and there are people you know that care about you, whether you know it or not. Feel free to PM me anytime if you need to talk.
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Re: Question without answer, am i the one to blame ? - August 29th 2010, 09:55 PM

So, I will do as you ask. I'm not going to tell you things are going to get better(even if it's true), and I'm not going to tell you to not self harm. I know how both things are, and I don't think you really want to hear it right now.
But you should be on Earth, and the idea of not being born isn't a good one. But your parents fighting, your fathers depression, and having no one to talk to(Other than us. We're here for you =D) is not your fault. At all. It sounds like you just wanted to vent, and let out all your feelings. We're here to listen. Feel free to PM me at anytime, because we all mean it when we say we're here for you.

"I have no doubt that each man kills the thing he loves-to match his own dying" pg. 67/Tree of Knowledge/Author Unknown

You can't kill love, you can only try to extinguish it...and why would you want to be the cause of the death of something so pure?
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