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Depression and Suicide If you or a loved one is feeling depressed or suicidal, you are not alone. Talk with other users about your feelings here.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
larami Offline
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useless - August 27th 2010, 03:36 AM

This thread has been labeled as triggering by the original poster or by a Moderator. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

I've always wondered, you know.

I'm almost 20 years old, and I've never had a boyfriend. I've never been kissed, I've never hold hands with a guy before. It's like I'm invisible to males. I don't even think I've been hit on before.
All my friends have boyfriends, ALL OF THEM. They all talk about what they did on the weekends with their boyfriends, or other things related to that much dreaded subject.

I'm I ugly?? Maybe. You know how all guys are looking for the perfect girl with the perfect body and pretty face. Maybe that's my problem, maybe I should do something about my body. I'm not overweight, I have a normal BMI, but I feel like the fattest girl in the world.I go through phases of eating a lot and other days I barely eat, I feel guilty everytime I pass food down my throat but I'm too coawrd to be bulimic/anorexic. Heck I don't even have enough courage for that. I want to be perfect, but that's impossible. But a part of me tells me that's the only way someone will notice me. I don't think I have a pretty face either or I'm not that interesting. A redhead is not interesting, it's plain. Being redheaded it's overrated.

I'm happy with my appearance at times, but that disappears as soon as I go to school and I see the other girls. I'm often "bullied" that's how I see it, even though the rest things it's a joke, and say that they are joking and that they do love me. I dont take it as a joke anymore it actually hurts me. I try not to show it and I try to be loud and talkative at school but when I come home I just cry and cry.
I'm fake.

Everytime I talk about this with my mum, she says "Mika don't think that way" What else does she wants me to do?? Yes I do think I'm ugly, when I talk about this with my friends I just listen too "Don't be silly"
Yes I'm silly and I'm sorry.

I'm ugly, uninteresting, plain and no one will ever love me. Maybe i'm meant to be alone forever. You know like those single women with tons of cats.

What hurts the most is that I have a lot of love to give. A lot, maybe i'm not pretty or anything like that. But I have a lot of love to give.

I also have horrible luck, when I plan something it never goes right EVER. G-d I know I'm a little dot in this world, have you forgotten about me? I might have broken a lot of mirrors in my past life.

I had cancer as a child, I survived yes but I can't have children. G-d must hate me. And me being infertile it's another factor. Who will want a woman that can't give him a child?? I'm not even a complete woman.
Why didn't I just died when I was 12 and the cancer came back and the doctors thought I was not going to make it?? I would have rather died there.
Usually when I say that I'm told "You survived for a reason" I want to know what's the effing reason why I'm still here.

My family- Gosh. I love them, I love them very much and I'm pretty sure they do too. My parents are loving and supportive, my stepdad is too I love him.
My younger twin sisters are GORGEOUS, I wish I could be like them but I'm not. My little half siblings are the best and my grandparents. I couldn't ask for better.
But I'm still unhappy, I don't fit with them.

I'm sorry, it's long. I'm just ranting. I'm sorry if it's upsetting, it's just how I feel.

Thanks for listening.


I'm so happy : $
   
  (#2 (permalink)) Old
Silver Halide Offline
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Re: useless - August 27th 2010, 04:00 AM

Don't feel down on yourself for not having a boyfriend yet. I did not experience my first kiss until I was 19 years old. I think that is perfectly acceptable.

Dating someone is a fairly important step in someone's life. Have you ever considered looking for love on-line? My current girlfriend (whom I originally met off-line but cultivated our relationship on-line) and I were talking about this. You can get a much stronger emotional connection with someone on-line. They seem more real sometimes than in person as they will often be more candid with you.

I'd also look at what you like to do. What do you enjoy? These activities and interests are often good ways to meet people who are interested in the same thing. Having something in common with a potential date is definitely a plus. The more you have in common, oftentimes, the more compatible you will be.

Lastly, I am sorry for you illness when you were younger. Things like that are definitely no fun. To address your sadness about child-bearing: not all men want to have or are capable of having children. Additionally I am told that adoption can be very rewarding.

You are most certainly not useless.
   
  (#3 (permalink)) Old
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Re: useless - August 27th 2010, 04:11 AM

I'm really sorry larami...I want to clear up a few misconceptions before I go on.

1) It's a good thing you are too much of a coward to engage in an eating disorder. If you are at a healthy BMI that is the least of your problems. Be thankful your bones aren't popping out of your chest, that would cause a whole other branch of your problems you don't have the time or effort to deal with.

2) Being a ginger is awesome. I'm not lying.

3) Rates of adoption are increasing most probably everywhere in the world. It's widespread accepted and a great option for the numerous, numerous, numerous infertile women in the world. If your partner loved you he would love the baby just the same regardless of its DNA. It's still a product of you since you are raising it. And if you don't want a child of your own, plenty of guys don't either.

I have a feeling that you probably psyche yourself out...you retreat before guys do. You say that you act fake at school, but how are guys supposed to be attracted to the loving person you are when they can't even see that side of you? I think you need to start by dropping this alter ego with your peers. You need to tell your "friends" how you feel. You honestly have to start getting real if you want to make any progress. You sound great, someone I would be intrigued in talking to. Maybe I'm wrong, but it seems like you push people away so you won't get hurt. Being loud and talkative makes you seem tough, an image that helps make you feel secure. Regardless, at the end of the day, even if a guy doesn't choose you soon enough, what's the big deal? If you are true to yourself then that is all that matters. That's all you can do, and from there let people come running to you. Or allow yourself to run to the person you take an interest to. Sometimes you have to give a little to get a little, you know?

Sorry I'm going on a tangent. I tend to do that. PM me if you'd like to talk.


"A person who is nice to you, but rude to the waiter, is not a nice person."

   
  (#4 (permalink)) Old
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Re: useless - August 28th 2010, 03:14 AM

Hey there,

Reading this was like something I would post. I am 20 and have never had a boyfriend or a kiss or held hands with someone. And, I know how it can put a damper on life but believe me it will happen for you and I.

I am going to give you a little piece of advice (my friend gave it to me and I didn't start believing it till recently) walk around with confidence. The more confidence you have in yourself the more people are going to notice you.

I am sure there are guys who stare at you I bet you just don't see it because you are so down on yourself. So, if you try being less harsh towards yourself you will probably notice it more. Confidence really is key.

Here is the thing; last September I had no confidence, I felt ugly all the time and I didn't think any guy ever noticed me. Then, I slowly started working on my confidence and I notice guys checking me out. Confidence gives people an even higher level of beauty and it gets you noticed.

Here are some things I did to work on my confidence:

I ignored the negative thoughts. I would listen the the negative thoughts I had about myself constantly and, of course, when you hear or think something enough you are going to start to believe it. So, I ignored them.

Then I replaced the negative thoughts with positive thoughts. At first I started out with saying 'It doesn't matter what I look like' and slowly that turned into 'maybe you are kind of pretty' and then I have slowly started noticing some good/pretty aspects about myself. It will all come slowly for you too. Right now the positive thought might just be 'It doesn't matter' but as time goes by and your confidence/self esteem grows it will turn into 'I am beautiful.'

Now, another thing I did was make a list of good qualities I posessed. This was not just based on my beauty but it was based on my abilities as a human being.

Here are some examples:

I am a good listener
I have pretty hair
I am a good student
I am a good friend

You should consider making a list too. It might be hard for you to find things you like about yourself and if that is the case reach out to your friends and family and ask them. I am sure they have tons of things that they LOVE about you.

With that list you can keep it with you where ever you go and when you start to feel bad pull it out and read over it. You could memorize it and then when ever you are thinking negative thoughts you can remind yourself of the positive qualities you posess. And, you could put them on stickies and stick them all over your room. That way the first thing you see waking up is a positive thing about yourself.

This process is a slow one so you might not notice changes right away but if you live by it on a daily basis you will notice a difference. And, remember that you are going to have bad days where you don't feel pretty at all but you will also fall into some good days as well; days where you feel pretty.

Please hang in there and if you need anything feel free to pm me.

Jenna


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  (#5 (permalink)) Old
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Re: useless - August 28th 2010, 08:57 PM

You can't define beauty, everyone has a different opinion of what beautiful is, and everyone is beautiful in their own unique way.
Just because you havent had a bf yet doesnt mean your ugly, I also used to feel this way, the only thing it does mean is that you havent met anyone special enough yet, but that will happen.
Even though i know its hard, keep your chin up and be confident, believe in yourself, because theres nothing more beautiful than confidence.
   
  (#6 (permalink)) Old
Ryan1 Offline
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Re: useless - August 28th 2010, 11:40 PM

Hey there,

Its nice to see your getting some of these thoughts off your chest, you came to the right place. See my life isn't perfect, neither is the person beside me. What I'm getting at is everyone is dealt a different deck of cards. There's no point in beating yourself up about things you can't change. Try and work with what you have to make your life better.


Meeting people is hard.. I can vouch for that! Just like you I've been single for a while, and I don't see it changing anytime soon. However we must make an effort to find people. Sad to say but I've considered going through online dating. You've got to talk to guys your interested in, the same goes for guys just because they don't have a six-pack and a bum chin doesn't mean they haven't got a lot to give so you make sure your not picky.
   
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Ryan1 Offline
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Re: useless - August 28th 2010, 11:43 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by ~CourageousSurvivor~ View Post
Hey there,

Reading this was like something I would post. I am 20 and have never had a boyfriend or a kiss or held hands with someone. And, I know how it can put a damper on life but believe me it will happen for you and I.

I am going to give you a little piece of advice (my friend gave it to me and I didn't start believing it till recently) walk around with confidence. The more confidence you have in yourself the more people are going to notice you.

I am sure there are guys who stare at you I bet you just don't see it because you are so down on yourself. So, if you try being less harsh towards yourself you will probably notice it more. Confidence really is key.

Here is the thing; last September I had no confidence, I felt ugly all the time and I didn't think any guy ever noticed me. Then, I slowly started working on my confidence and I notice guys checking me out. Confidence gives people an even higher level of beauty and it gets you noticed.

Here are some things I did to work on my confidence:

I ignored the negative thoughts. I would listen the the negative thoughts I had about myself constantly and, of course, when you hear or think something enough you are going to start to believe it. So, I ignored them.

Then I replaced the negative thoughts with positive thoughts. At first I started out with saying 'It doesn't matter what I look like' and slowly that turned into 'maybe you are kind of pretty' and then I have slowly started noticing some good/pretty aspects about myself. It will all come slowly for you too. Right now the positive thought might just be 'It doesn't matter' but as time goes by and your confidence/self esteem grows it will turn into 'I am beautiful.'

Now, another thing I did was make a list of good qualities I posessed. This was not just based on my beauty but it was based on my abilities as a human being.

Here are some examples:

I am a good listener
I have pretty hair
I am a good student
I am a good friend

You should consider making a list too. It might be hard for you to find things you like about yourself and if that is the case reach out to your friends and family and ask them. I am sure they have tons of things that they LOVE about you.

With that list you can keep it with you where ever you go and when you start to feel bad pull it out and read over it. You could memorize it and then when ever you are thinking negative thoughts you can remind yourself of the positive qualities you posess. And, you could put them on stickies and stick them all over your room. That way the first thing you see waking up is a positive thing about yourself.

This process is a slow one so you might not notice changes right away but if you live by it on a daily basis you will notice a difference. And, remember that you are going to have bad days where you don't feel pretty at all but you will also fall into some good days as well; days where you feel pretty.

Please hang in there and if you need anything feel free to pm me.

Jenna
That's great advise.
   
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