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lost her... - August 27th 2010, 05:46 AM

okay so... i really don't want to talk about this, but my friend is kinda forcing my hand here cuz she knows how helpful TH is for me, so here goes

okay well.. a little over three years ago, i lost my girlfriend of 2 years. she was killed in a car accident while she was texting me (she wasn't driving she was only 14).

that.... pretty much screwed me right the fuck up, pardon my language. i'd already been depressed and suicidal for four years, and i'd been cutting, but that was like the tipping point for me. i lost my mind a little in the year after she died. that was the time i came closest to killing myself, and i came DAMN close. once to the point that i passed out from blood loss for a few hours before a friend came to check on me.

i'm still not over it.... i miss her EVERY SECOND of every day... i've screwed up so many relationships since then because of how i still feel about her... and yeah i know, i've heard all of the "you'll learn to live with it" and "it'll go away" stuff before. but i don't think it will go away.. and do i want to stop thinking about her? no. i just want to be able to focus on someone else, and love them. share my love with someone who can receive it. idk anymore.....

i'm so ready to just.... end it. i say it a lot, yeah, but i haven't felt this close since... well since the night after she was killed.

i want to die. i want to die so badly. but i can't leave my friend, she needs me as badly as i need her. and of course i can't leave TH cuz even though i know i don't help much, i love all the people here i don't know, i'm really torn.

i guess i'm not looking for advice, or for anyone to try and help and tell me it's all alright. i guess i just needed to write about it. so if ya read it, thanks if now, well you wouldn't be reading this last line, so it doesn't matter
   
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Re: lost her... - August 27th 2010, 06:16 AM

Hey, I'm sorry about what happened.

But, I am going to tell you, once you find someone you truly love, you'll be able to cope with the past better. Think about it, if you love one who is gone, its probably going to be hard to love another. I guess you'll just have to wait until you find that one person who helps you learn to love again (yes, I know that sounds totally cliche!).

But taking your own life wouldn't help anything.


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Re: lost her... - August 27th 2010, 07:21 AM

I am sorry to hear what happened
I agree with Julz though...
I think that you really should just look for the one you love.
It may take years; and you'll have to be patient..
But when you find the right person, you'll be happy :]
And also agreeing with Julz... Taking your life won't help any..

I hope everything will go well with you.
STAY STRONG <3
   
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Re: lost her... - August 27th 2010, 02:04 PM

I definitely agree with Julz here. When I was younger I used to think that once you loved someone that feeling would stay in your heart forever. I thought that every person you dated after breaking up with that person would not have 100% of your heart. The theory was based on the idea that you cannot destroy love, kind of like the law of conservation of energy. Love could not be created or destroyed.

I had multiple girlfriends throughout that time and I wasn't completely available to them due to that idea and how I felt. However, that all changed once I found my latest girlfriend. With her it was as though love for her flooded every chamber of my heart and washed the past away. It was still there and I remembered it but it did not affect me as much.

I hope you can find the same. A wonderful person who takes your heart in their hands and gives it a big hug.
   
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Re: lost her... - August 27th 2010, 04:35 PM

i suppose you're all right.... Thanks Julz, Amiko, and Chris
i know i've got to tough it out and, maybe, i'll find someone i can really love
we'll just have to see
and i know ending it isn't the answer to my problems, it's just hard not to think that way when i've felt this way for a lot of my life
thanks for responding, you've put this pie lovin' mofo at ease for a few more nights
   
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Re: lost her... - August 27th 2010, 04:51 PM

So weird... I used to live close to where you do. I was friends with someone named David who lost his girlfriend in a car accident. Except he was even older than me and she was driving the car.

Just wanna say, I'm so sorry for what you are going through. I lost my best friend a few years back. Its really almost impossible to accept some days. It can really mess up a person to lose someone so close, at such a young age.

I would say as time goes by that it gets easier, but for you that doesn't seem to be the case yet... I would see if you could find a support group in your area. People who have experienced the same type of things. Maybe finding some friends to connect with who can relate to you. You never know who you might find. Therapists are nice, and might be worth considering, but I really think you would benefit from speaking to people who sympathize with how you are feeling.

I also have to agree with others, you will find someone who can fill that void you have at the moment. I think you need to work on yourself first... You need to find some closure I think before you can fully commit yourself to a new relationship.

Good luck, and PM me anytime!


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