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gooner91 Offline
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Don't no what to do - August 27th 2010, 03:05 PM

Ok, i don't really no where to start.
So ive never been the happiest girl in the world an ive always felt like im being punished.
When i was 7 my dad died and i never delt with it very well, my mum took me to see a psychiatrist at the doctors but that didn't really help. I don't like to talk to people about how i feel, especially my family because i don't want to upset them.
But anyway, last year, i met my ex-boyfriend, (my first ever boyfriend), we got on really well and i felt i could talk to him, i told him everything, we were together for 6 months and then he broke up with me not giving me any particular reason. So now i feel like i don't have anyone to talk to, and im still so in love with him, but he doesnt want to no me. I find myself constantly blaming myself aswell.
A few weeks later i went to my doctor to ask them about anxiety and OCD, after living at univeristy for a year I realised that there wasn't something right, I would check that my door was locked and that there was no one in my bathroom and wardrobe about 10 times before i could go to sleep. This sometimes led to me not getting any sleep because i was scared there was someone trying to get into my room to hurt. Even when im at home with my family i still have to check certain things.
My doctor told me she thinks i may have mild OCD and referred me to go to a specialist. Which I havent got round to doing yet.
I don't have a large number of friends, and some of the ones i do have don't seem interested in hanging out with me since my boyfriend split up with me. Even my best friend is constantly cancelling plans we've made.
Ive been crying constantly for the last 2 months and feel so lonely. Ive had suicidal thoughts before but nothing strong enough for me to ever do it.
I blame myself for all the bad things that have happened in my life. If something didn't go right, i would blame it on myself because i didn't do something that i always do (this links in with the OCD)
More than anything right now i just want to be happy, my boyfriend made me happier than ive ever been and now i feel i don't have anyone.
   
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Re: Don't no what to do - August 27th 2010, 04:12 PM

I would definitely see that specialist the doctor referred to you. It's difficult dealing with multiple problems at once. If you can deal with your OCD all your other issues will be easier to manage. Additionally the specialist may have some valuable insight into your anxiety as well.

University can also be a difficult time especially during the first two years. Being away from your family for such a long period time is a stressful shift. It can take some getting used to. Breaks up are also difficult, especially if it is your first one.

Right now you are dealing with a lot of difficult situations and I think that this is a time you definitely do need people to talk to. TeenHelp is a great resource for empathetic people to talk to. Additionally it may be a good idea to look into seeing a therapist. Many universities have them on staff and they are free for students to go and see. The benefits of seeing one and completely confiding in a therapist are overwhelming. They are good listeners and they truly want to help. Plus, everything you say to them is confidential.

I hope you can find some relief from your stress and be uplifted from your sadness.
   
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Re: Don't no what to do - August 28th 2010, 12:02 PM

Thankyou, ive decided not to go back to university, i can't cope with moving away from home while im feeling like this.
But why is it people choose to kick me while im down? when my boyfriend first split up with me i sent him messages on facebook, however i stopped an today i discovered he blocked me, when we broke up he said he hoped we could be friends, but he obviously didnt mean it.
i told him everything, he was the only guy i have ever been with and i regret it so much now, i thought he loved me as much as i loved him but he obviously didnt.
I feel like i fell for everything he said and i wish i hadn't. I hate myself so much for all of this because its all my fault, i should of been a better girlfriend, i feel so lost and lonely without him, i dont want to be with anyone else but him. I jus want to stop feeling like this.
   
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Re: Don't no what to do - August 28th 2010, 02:25 PM

Relationships rarely fail because of one party. It's not you.
Many people say they want to be friends when they break up. It's a way of saving face. I am continually surprised by how few people actually mean it. I think perhaps they do mean it at the time but they can't cope with the shift in the relationship so the falling out occurs.

Just a quick question about your friends. Are they your friends from university or old high school friends? If they are the latter you may be experiencing the highly common effect of high school fallout. Nearly everyone experiences a rapid decline in friends after leaving high school. Upon looking back on my graduating class I can't say that nearly any of them are my friends and they too barely keep in contact with the rest of the class. High school makes it easier to maintain friendships. You can see each other 5 days a week without fail. Without that drifting can occur.

I think that perhaps they are not trying to "kick you when you're down". (Most people are rarely that cruel.) There could be a variety of external circumstances that are stopping them from hanging out with you. Talk to them. Whatever happens, know it is not your fault.

Do you use instant messaging? That may be a good way to keep in touch with friends and have discussions with them. My strongest friendships stayed alive through IMs since they all moved far away.
   
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