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Depression and Suicide If you or a loved one is feeling depressed or suicidal, you are not alone. Talk with other users about your feelings here.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
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Unhappy i just love my life!!!! :'( - August 31st 2010, 06:30 AM

This thread has been labeled as triggering, particularly on the subject of self harm, by the original poster or by a Moderator. The contents of this thread might therefore not be suitable for certain sensitive users. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

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that was me being upset. i just had yet another panic attack wooo!! i just love my life sooo much. isnt life great? i love when i cry EVERY SINGLE NIGHT. i want to cut soooooo bad, the only reason i dont is cuz if my boyfriend found out he would prolly break up with me, the reason i cry everynight and want to cut is becuz of my boyfriend, why do u ask? cuz hes gonna cheat on me again, im not good enough for him, were just gonna end up breaking up again there's no point, we've only been back together for 5 days and this is the 2nd night in a row ive been up crying. he doesnt love me, i hate when he tells me he loves me or misses me cuz he doesnt, im not good enough and i never will be and everything he tells me is a lie. i wan to cut sooooooooooooooo bad, i dont even get why i cant break up with him, i cry more when we are dating then when we arent. i cant do this anymore, im going insane... this is kind of just like a rant type thing... but its also about relationships... but also about being depressed... so i just thought i'd put it under depression, cuz its mostly about that. ahhh. feel free to comment idc. i just needed to let it all out.
   
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Re: i just love my life!!!! :'( - August 31st 2010, 05:54 PM

Hey there,

It sounds like you have a lot of insecurities when it comes to your current relationship and I am sorry about that. I wish that these issues were not making your depression worse.

Now, I get the impression that your boyfriend cheated on you and I want you to know that that does not mean that you are not good enough. I don't fully understand why people cheat but from what I have heard it was not because their girlfriend or boyfriend wasn't good enough. I think a lot of people cheat because they are unhappy with themselves and their lives and living on the dangerous side kind of makes them feel better. And, then there are people who cheat because they have no respect for their girlfriend/boyfriend. I guess, really there are a number of reasons that someone cheats but none of them are the person's partners fault.

It sounds to me like you know that this relationship is not the healthiest one but you are not sure how to leave. And, that is okay. It sometimes takes people a while to really leave a bad relationship. However, what is not okay is that you are wanting to hurt yourself and are crying yourself to sleep every night. You do not deserve that.

You know, it sounds to me as if you are using this relationship as another form of self harm. I know that probably sounds weird but there are numerous ways to inflict pain upon yourself and getting into and staying in bad relationships is one of them.

So, I think you should look into getting support for all of this. Can you talk to your parents about what is going on? Friends? Other trusted adults? I know that can be a hard thing to do but if you get support from others around you you might realize that your need for your boyfriend dwindles a bit. I would also like to suggest that you get in to see a therapist. That too can be a hard step to take but a therapist can help you overcome the things that are going on right now and they can help you find more positive coping skills.

I believe that you can make it through all of this you just have to stay strong. You will be okay. You know, there are going to be a number of other guys out there for you. So, if you are worried that you are not good enough to find a better relationship do not think that. You can find someone who will treat you with the respect you deserve and who will love you no matter what. You are worthy of that.

Please hang in there and if you need anything feel free to pm me. I really really hope that things get better for you soon.

Jenna


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Re: i just love my life!!!! :'( - August 31st 2010, 06:33 PM

Any excuse a guy will give you for cheating on you is utter bs. so my question to you is what makes you still love him/desire to be with him. If you can't think of what, then I can tell you what, its a fear of being alone. What are the pros of being with him and what are the cons, it sounds cliche but it has helped me and numerous of my friends.

But on the flipside, people can change, it takes alot of maturing but it can happen, so have you noticed any changes in the way hes treated you this time compaired to the first time?

If your saying you want to cut so bad as in you've never done so before. Please don't, thats a habit you want to avoid. Please? I'm being a hypocrite but thats only because I would never want anyone to journey down the same road I did.

I disagree with couragous about it being another form of self-harm. But I agree that its just another unhealthy thing. In the form of you being afraid of the unknown. You've known the cycle that you live through with him, the ups and rather longer downs, and your alright with that because you've prepared yourself for it already. You said you know hes going to cheat on you again. If your one of those people that can't find the courage to face the unknown. Then your going to need someone there to talk you through it and make sure you know it's ok. If you have a bestfriend thats willing to help, and I mean someone that understands you and this relationship. Not just someone that knows about it. Get their opinion. Because I know that TH will help Slightly, but a bestfriends opinion will influence you more then anything.






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Re: i just love my life!!!! :'( - September 1st 2010, 04:52 AM

its not that i'm afraid of being alone... becuz i'm not. i've had other guys ask me out and want to be with me, my best guy friend is like in love with me and would do anything for me, but i dont feel the same, its not just any guy that i want... but i do think he might have changed... but idk... anything can happen
   
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Re: i just love my life!!!! :'( - September 1st 2010, 05:11 PM

then wait it out, close your fears and get your hopes up. yes they might be crushed. but you cant go through life fearing the worst, or you will never get the best. Dont be pessimistic, nor really optimistic. be realistic. take the facts and what you need to be happy and go from there. hes back with you, you've both dedicated alot of time to each other. some guys do have a hard time not cheating, but show him why he only needs you.






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