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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
Flight. Offline
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Unhappy Don't know what to do anymore. - September 2nd 2010, 10:57 AM

This thread has been labeled as triggering by the original poster or by a Moderator. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

So I really don't know what to do anymore. I feel so worthless and hopeless. It started this morning when my Mum found out that I got my belly pierced. She got really angry and started crying because I stress her out and because I'm a liar. Technically I didn't lie about anything because it wasn't like I didn't say I didn't get my belly pierced when in fact I did. My Mum said that my brother whose turning 20 in a few weeks is the better child because he didn't get any attention when he was younger and that he doesn't cause my parents any stress. My Mum also hit me as well. I'm sick of being compared to my brother. He was and still is nothing like me. When he was in Year 12, he didn't have a job and I don't think he even had his licence while I've had the same job for nearly 3 years (in March) with a trail for another job on Monday and I've had my L plates for nearly 2 years (in January). My parents think I'll start doing drugs or start smoking. They think I'll become an alcoholic or get pregnant. I was so close to self-harming today after nearly 4 years of not. I just want to move as far away as possible from home. Or just get away from everything and everyone. I might as well fucking die considering they don't care anymore...my own Mum's not even talking to me anymore. I just want to yell and scream because this pain is unbearable and hard to live with now. I'm the ugly one at school, I'm not academically bright, I'm not the jock, musician or drama geek. I just put a smile on my face and pretty much go with the flow. No-one knows how I'm feeling...which I don't know is a good or bad thing. I so badly want to end my life so I won't have to feel this pain anymore and people actually realize just how much pain I was in.

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Re: Don't know what to do anymore. - September 2nd 2010, 04:51 PM

Hey there,

I am really sorry you are struggling at the moment but please hang in there because it can improve. I know right now that is probably hard to believe but remember that suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem.

Your mom shouldn't have said or done the things she did but she might have just been caught off guard by the fact that you got a belly button ring. Parents worry about the weirdest things sometimes. My dad would never let me dye my hair blue or get my nose pierced he said it wouldn't reflect to good on his parenting and he said he didn't want me to look 'weird'. And, when my brothers were younger tongue piercing were the things; both of my brothers ended up getting tongue piercings and my dad flipped. He said and did things he shouldn't have and eventually he got over it and let it go.

My point is maybe your mom will do the same thing? She said some awful things and I am sorry for that but I don't think she doesn't care about you at least a bit. She over reacted and now you are both on edge but maybe in a week or so it will calm down. But if you harm yourself you will not ever get to see the possible improvement.

I never fit in much at my school either; it wasn't until I got into college that I started fitting in more. So, do you go to college soon? If so maybe you will feel as if you fit in more? And, if so maybe you could get away from home? I know that getting away from home has helped a number of my high school aquaintances form better relationships with their parents and it helped them to really enjoy college. Maybe it would be good for you?

Don't ever let anyone, even your parents, compare you to anyone else or tell you that you are not good enough because you are. I don't know why but sometimes parents feel the need to compare one child with the other. It isn't right but it happens. I know my parents used to compare me to a friend of mine down the street. I hated wearing dresses and they would get frustrated so they would say "__________ wears dresses and really likes them." It hurt my feelings quite a bit and it made me wonder if I wasn't as good as this person and it made me wonder if my parents had wanted another daughter. However, in the end I am great just the way I am and so are you. Some people might not be happy with who you or I am but in the end it doesn't matter; all that matters is that we are happy with ourselves.

Please hang in there and if you need anything feel free to pm me.


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Re: Don't know what to do anymore. - September 3rd 2010, 05:57 PM

hey hun, it'll be really unbelievable to you if i told you that you were created to be unique. but it's true! of course, that would take some degree of self confidence to believe in.. seems like it doesn't it, that when things go wrong, they tend to go wrong all at once and the stress and insecurities and watever unhappiness just comes as a flood...
well firstly, like jenna said, parents are often worked up over the weirdest things, small or big, and since they were brought up with those beliefs (like belly piercings are very wrong), it's really hard for them to change. i'd say try not to agitate her unnecessarily with stuff that you know she wouldn't like, until you're older (:
is there anything you do that can help take your mind off things? at least you have this backup whenever you're feeling really upset. i find that it helps me to hug a soft toy every time i feel like i want to hurt myself really badly or when suicidal thoughts creep up like some bug. it'll be hard at first, but once you associate watever it is (be it soft toy or not) with the feeling of calmness, it'll start to work and the effect strengthens...
not sure if that helped, but yup, let us know how you're doing (:

and the voice of truth tells me a different story
the voice of truth says "do not be afraid"
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