Triggering: things are bad

[Ella.x]

Last night I tried to kill myself [Edited ~CourageousSurvivor~ Reason: please do not post suicide methods]Unfortunately my gag reflex kicked in and I just threw up instead. I am completely alone. I have literally 2 friends left and I'm such a bitch to them. I'll get mad at them for no reason and have a go at them and then beg them to forgive me. I'm not worth their time anymore. I have nothing left. I'm unemployed, fat, ugly, lonely, stupid, unloved and manipulting. I'm a wrthless pile of shit. But every time I try to kill myself, I seem to fail. I fail at everything. Even death. I'm out of options. I don't know what to do.

[Charlie1230]

Please don't try to kill yourself anymore. When I read that it made me feel like I was going to cry. You fail to kill yourself because your not supposed to be dead. I know it. Doesn't it hurt to slash yourself? Are you really angry at your friends? Ask yourself that. Let out your rage but then let it go. In my eyes, everyone is beautiful. Even though I don't know what you look like I know your very pretty. Everyone has good inside of them.

[laughter]

I know you feel worthless but believe me you're not. There is nothing worthless or ugly about you. Every girl is beautiful and a princess. Those 2 friends of yours are your true friends. They are the one that stick by you. They think you are beautiful and if you talk to them about how you are feeling then they will be there for you. They will be with you when you're afraid to be alone and they will tell you you're beautiful. They can help you find a job and feel like you are useful. If you don't want to be manipulating then don't. It'll take some work but your friends can help. you have to believe in yourself. Please don't give up hope and PM me anytime.

[Ella.x]

One of my friends isn't talking to me at the moment because I was horrible to her and the other one lives 180 miles away. Neither of them know how to deal with me when I get like this so it's easier to just not tell them so they don't worry. It took me 3months to find my last job and I can't afford my rent if I don't find another one soon. this isn't an impulsive decision. I've been thinking about it more and more frequently for years. I've had a couple of nights to sleep on it and I still want to kill myself. The only question is how and where to do it as I don't want my housemates to be the ones to find my dead body. I'm sorry for wasting everyone's time.

[Faye.]

Hi Ella

I know your feeling really bad right now, and the last thing you want to probably want to hear is someone say that your not worthless and there are things to hold onto,so I'm not going to tell you that. What I am going to tell you is that your not alone. That sentence 'I fail at everything.' is exactly what I find myself saying sometimes and I know what it's like to think your worthless so I know that no matter how many people tell you that your not it probably doesn't make any difference.

I also want to tell you that suicide is not away out of this. Again you won't believe this, but it's really important that you do. You feel at rock bottom now because you have run out of ways to cope with the challenges that life is throwing at you. But you can create new ways of coping, reach out and ask someone for help. You don't have to feel depressed. You can be happy. Things can get better. There are times in your life when you have been happier, right? And just because you feel bad now does not mean there will be no happy times in the future.

It's not impossible. You are strong. Just fight through the next few days and it will get easier. I know that is so hard to believe but this is the most important thing to believe in. Don't give up your future.

Faye x

[Ella.x]

I'm just getting worse. I haven't left the house in days. I honestly cannot go on anymore. It's too much. I can't function. I need to end this.

[Kara396]

Please don't try to kill yourself again. I know this seems hard but I swear, things will get better. You may think no one cares but in truth i'm positive that there's at least 1 person who would be torn apart if you were gone. Don't do it. There are other ways. I promise.