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So what now?? - September 9th 2010, 06:53 PM

Its kind of weird. For the last several years I've been suffering from severe depression. I'm not a social type and I have literally no friends- internet or real life.In other words I've been on my own for the most part. I live in what you'd call a disfunctional famity which is pretty miserable on its own. Every day I have to endure insults from people I dislike. And it's not like I'm ugly,overweight or unnecessarily cruel to anyone.People and I just don't tend to get along, I guess.Probably the bigest problem for me is this constant need , to just roll up in a ball, crawl to the nearest corner and start crying.This is something that I feel all the time, this constant sadness is just crushing me. So far I've been able to control myself though.
At one point I even asked myself whether it would be better to just end all of this. That was sort of a big moment for me. I decided to live my crappy joke of a life, hoping to find someone like me. Someone to whom I can really talk to.
So after writing all of this (to be honest I'll be surprised if anyone reads through all of this crap) I've got to ask is it worth it. Going through f***ing hell every single day just because you might meet someone, with whome you might actually enjoy life?
   
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Re: So what now?? - September 9th 2010, 07:12 PM

I'll tell you right now, yes. Yes it is.

I've been through lots of shit, but I found a friend online, had talked to him for almost 4 years, we were unofficially dating for awhile, we met, we're officially together, and he is a really great person.

I had been through a bunch of losers, have lost many friends, but he's the one who makes life less horrible, and he's a big part of why I wake up every morning (or afternoon, haha).

Perhaps expand your internet browsing, going to forums for interests you have. Thats how I met my now boyfriend, after all. And if you join in the chat here, its also a good way to talk to people and make friends.


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Re: So what now?? - September 13th 2010, 05:40 AM

I still feel like an alien. It's hard being the lone wolf and I'm still looking for a way to use that because girls supposedly like that mysterious brooding nature in a guy. At 22, I still have no idea about the future.

The good news is - it does get better. Slowly, but surely. In high school I had like zero friends. Now? I have to get over having social anxiety disorder and realize that people actually like me - but, with that said I have people who do want to be my friend. Father figures I look up to and respect in the industry I've always dreamt of. Still looking for Lois Lane and it's off-beat not having her yet.

But, I can say I remember the same times growing up and looking back... even though if I went back and told myself I probably wouldn't believe it... life gets better and dreams come true. Whatever you want your future to be, that's what it will become. Purgatory, or as someone calls it adolescence, is more of a stage I think that one leaves with due time.


"Maybe I just like people. Maybe sexuality isn't one thing or the other. Maybe it's just something that's shifting and moving. I just know I'm not thinking man or woman."
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