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Depression and Suicide If you or a loved one is feeling depressed or suicidal, you are not alone. Talk with other users about your feelings here.

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Lost...... - September 11th 2010, 08:55 PM

This thread has been labeled as triggering, particularly on the subject of suicide, by the original poster or by a Moderator. The contents of this thread therefore might not be suitable for certain sensitive users. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

All hope I once had in me is now lost. This has been going on for far too long and I'm now certain that things are not going to change. Why would they? Two, coming up on three years and things are still the exact same as they were when I first became depressed at age TEN. I've tried everything I know to try. Nothing has worked, or even slightly helped. I've opened up to family, I've been to counseling, I've sought help from everywhere that help could possibly be given. I refuse to take any sort of meds, I've heard they don't even work anyway. I've tried journal writing and that only made me feel worse, believe it or not. The only thing that works for me is cutting and I've been trying to give that up for a while now. Please don't tell me to be strong...I've been strong for three years and I can't possibly last much longer. There's only so much a girl like me can do, and I'm afraid I've finally reached my limit. I'm tired. I need my rest. There comes a time when we all have to let go, and this is my time.

I'm sorry to everyone that wants me to stay. I want to stay too, but I don't have a choice. You may say that I do, but truthfully, I do not. I have never had any choice in this world and I never will. If you want to reply to this and have me read it, you will have to do it now because I'm going to bed soon, and by "going to bed" I mean I am going to kill myself soon and sleep forever in peace.


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Re: Lost...... - September 11th 2010, 10:23 PM

Please don't kill yourself. I don't know why you don't think you have choices, but believe me, this is a big one. You can choose not to kill yourself right now. Just stop yourself.

I understand what it feels like to have all hope lost, but all you need is to find something to hope for. You've opened up to people - they will all miss you if you are gone. They won't get over it, either. You never really do get over certain things, and losing someone who is smart enough to take care of themself and write and be awesome on teenhelp is one of those things.

Sometimes medicine works, but you don't have to take it if it's not right for you. If counseling and opening up didn't help, maybe all it will take is the second, third, fourth, however many tries it takes. You'll never know if it's the next attempt unless you make it.

there are plenty of reasons to live - the sticky on this forum lists them. Listen to good music, do things that if they won't cheer you up will at least make you calm.

I think you want to live and it's just scary. That's okay - life is just this big, scary thing sometimes and all that can be done is to ignore the fact that it's scary and live like it's not. I know it's hard, but you're only 13. If things seem bad now, maybe it just needs some time to mellow out. I'm not saying you don't know what's right or wrong because of your age, I'm just saying there is so much more left to come. Please let someone you know in real life know that you're feeling suicidal. They can help you far more than I can because they know you on a deeper level.

I sincerely hope you decide to live. I know things might suck and have gone to shit right now, but things can get better. If you're stuck in a bad place, all it takes is some time to move out of it. Feel free to PM me what's on your mind - I want you to feel better.


I either feel like no one cares, and that I should be breaking things, and that everything is falling apart, or that everything is great, and I can do anything, and I really do have friends.

I'm stuck halfway in between.
   
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Re: Lost...... - September 13th 2010, 10:20 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Furubasu View Post
Please don't kill yourself. I don't know why you don't think you have choices, but believe me, this is a big one. You can choose not to kill yourself right now. Just stop yourself.

I understand what it feels like to have all hope lost, but all you need is to find something to hope for. You've opened up to people - they will all miss you if you are gone. They won't get over it, either. You never really do get over certain things, and losing someone who is smart enough to take care of themself and write and be awesome on teenhelp is one of those things.

Sometimes medicine works, but you don't have to take it if it's not right for you. If counseling and opening up didn't help, maybe all it will take is the second, third, fourth, however many tries it takes. You'll never know if it's the next attempt unless you make it.

there are plenty of reasons to live - the sticky on this forum lists them. Listen to good music, do things that if they won't cheer you up will at least make you calm.

I think you want to live and it's just scary. That's okay - life is just this big, scary thing sometimes and all that can be done is to ignore the fact that it's scary and live like it's not. I know it's hard, but you're only 13. If things seem bad now, maybe it just needs some time to mellow out. I'm not saying you don't know what's right or wrong because of your age, I'm just saying there is so much more left to come. Please let someone you know in real life know that you're feeling suicidal. They can help you far more than I can because they know you on a deeper level.

I sincerely hope you decide to live. I know things might suck and have gone to shit right now, but things can get better. If you're stuck in a bad place, all it takes is some time to move out of it. Feel free to PM me what's on your mind - I want you to feel better.
*Sigh* I wish getting over this would be as easy as you make it sound. Here's the thing, I've opened up to my mother many times, she's the only family member I really trust with my feelings. She knows I'm suicidal, she knows I've cut, she knows just how depressed I am...and she can't help me. She admitted it herself. I've tried finding something to hope for as you've said, but I haven't found anything. All of my life is bad, the only friends I can actually talk to are those here on TH and that just hasn't been helping at all. I only have two options now...kill myself and never worry again, or stay alive and endure all the torture and pain and misery just to make sure my family still has a person to vent to about their problems...because after all, that's the only thing I'm good for is to listen to other peoples' problems. Nobody in my family wants to hear what I have to say, yet they expect me to listen to all their bullshit and help them out. Hell, I can't even help myself, how the fuck can they expect me to help them? I'm done.


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