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Unhappy I think he knows... :( - September 15th 2010, 01:36 AM

I think Jackson knows that I'm suicidal. I think that he knows that I do self-harm, and all that other shit to my body. We text a lot, and I don't reveal myself to him. I build a wall to keep people out, I don't let that many people through. He sent me a text a few nights ago that everything's going to be okay, we'll work out of our dark tunnels together. He sent me a text last night asking me if I was mad at him because he knew something about me that I didn't want him to know.

I don't understand. I don't want him to know, and I've done nothing to let him know. I've left no hints, I've given no clues. It's all been through texts and there is no way he can read my feelings off those. So how could he know?

I hardly know Jackson's personalty, but I know what he really cares about and what really bothers him. He only knows what I tell people, and what I tell people isn't much. I did tell him that my parents also found out something about me I'd rather them never learn. He got into a big deal about me not telling him, and I told him that if he knew he couldn't think of me the same way. That could mean a lot of things.

I just got a text from him. "I wish i could try to help u but i don't know what's wrong." I got that after responding I'm okay to him asking how I was.

He knows something I don't want him to know. Why doesn't he ask me?

He's in a more advanced choir then me now, but before this year we were in the same choir for three years. We've always been friends, and I know the way that he looks at me. I saw him after choir tonight, and I went up and gave him a hug. He hid his face from me. Steph went up and gave him a hug. She knows everything about him that I know. She got the same look she always gets from Jackson. The same look I used to get.

I know that it isn't a crush because Jackson's gay. He doesn't like either of us like that. But why am I suddenly getting the cold shoulder? He knows something, I don't want him to know.
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Re: I think he knows... :( - September 15th 2010, 02:25 AM

Maybe ask him what he thinks you're hiding. And well, if he hits the nail on the head, you may as well at least open up a little, if you know so much about him, right?

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Re: I think he knows... :( - September 15th 2010, 07:10 AM

if you didn't explicitly tell Jackson that you are suicidal and that you harm yourself, and he has seen no true evidence of it, it is unlikely that he knows you are.
he may suspect something, because even if you think you hide everything, there is always a way to tell, however small.

I agree with Julz though, asking him what he thinks you're hiding is not a bad idea.
that way, you aren't outright telling him, which it seems you don't want to do and you can find out what he's thinking is wrong with you
if he is thinking wrong, then you can keep your secret if you so choose
if he guesses right though, it is not a bad idea to let him in. He can probably understand what you are going through, and you can help each other to get better.

it is always easier if someone else knows and can help, though i know it doesn't always seem that way.
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