Triggering: Sinking back into depression..

[haveXhope]

Last year I was diagnosed with PTSD, depression, and anxiety. I was in counseling and I was put on anti-depressants.
My whole life changed dramatically while on those pills. I was happy and laughing with friends and social. Something I never was before. I was doing great. I got my life back on track. I stopped cutting and burning myself. I loved more and I forgave the people who hurt me.
I stopped taking the pills somewhere in my junior year. I can't exactly remember when but I kept on forgetting to take them. I kinda convinced myself that I was okay without them.
But now, I think I'm sinking back into depression. I've been having bad memories and flashbacks from the past and thinking about my miscarriage a lot lately.
I don't want to eat anymore. I keep looking at myself like I'm fat and ugly. I am tired all the time. All I want to do is sleep. My friends literally have to push me into going out with them. I feel like I'm alone all day, even when I'm not. I'm irritable and cranky most of the time. I feel anxious in areas where I don't know everyone, even in areas where I'm with my friends. I also always have the urge to cut myself or purge. This makes me feel like I've made no progress at all. I'm supposed to be fine without my meds.. It's completely breaking my heart that I'm back to square one...
I'm also very very very embarassed to tell my psychiatrist this information. She doesn't even know about the miscarriage, or that there was even a baby. The last time we met she told me how proud she was of me and I can't let that go. She'll think I'm making it up or something. I feel like I'm two different people. A depressed one, and a very focused, smart, happy girl. I know that's probably not possible. But oh well.
I really don't know what to do...

[Thirteen]

Well, you should probably work on getting back on your medications. Just because, honestly, once you're put on anti-depressants, you shouldn't get off of them without consulting a professional about it. You CAN eventually get off of them, but it takes time, don't rush it.

In fact, my boyfriend has successfully gone off his antidepressants with no negative side effects, except the withdrawl process, but thats very temporary.

[~CourageousSurvivor~]

Hey there,

I think you need to tell your psychiatrist. I don't think she will be disappointed in you or anything. They work in this field for a living so of course they are going to know that their are fall backs. However, if you don't tell her she won't know, she won't be able to help you and it can get progressively worse.

Also, you may have to go back on meds but it doesn't have to be forever. Some people are on Medicines for 1 year, some 5 years, some 10 years and some longer. You only have to be on it as long as you and your doctor feel you need it. But, when you decide to go off your medicines be sure to consult your doctor so that she can ensure it is done safely.

I have found that my flashbacks make me get more depressed and due to this I decided to go back on medicines until I have completely dealt with the abuse in my past. My therapist has told me that that is a good idea and it doesn't mean I will be on it forever. She actually believes that when I deal with my abuse completely I won't need medicine. Medicine is a tool that can help keep us stabile while we are dealing with hard things.

You can make it through this but DON'T beat yourself up about it; it will only make matters worse. When I first started realizing I might need to go back on medicines again I felt really bad and was hard on myself. That did no good. I had to realize I was doing what I was doing to keep myself safe and alive so that I could see things at the end when I am no longer needing medicine.

I hope this helped and if you need anything feel free to pm me.

Jenna

[haveXhope]

[quote]

Originally Posted by -ArcAngel-

Just because, honestly, once you're put on anti-depressants, you shouldn't get off of them without consulting a professional about it.

I did consult my doctor and she thought it was best I was off the medication. Now, I'm not too sure whether or not I'm really sinking back into depression or it's just me thinking. It's great that your boyfriend is doing so well though!

You can make it through this but DON'T beat yourself up about it; it will only make matters worse. When I first started realizing I might need to go back on medicines again I felt really bad and was hard on myself. That did no good. I had to realize I was doing what I was doing to keep myself safe and alive so that I could see things at the end when I am no longer needing medicine.

I'm honestly scared to go back on the medicine. I don't want to be someone who I'm not. If that makes any sense. It scares me because I don't want to have another relapse. I really can't help but beat myself up about this because I was doing sooo well and now all of a sudden I'm not..

Thank you both so much for responding, it means so much to me...

[Thirteen]

Well then, maybe you should tell your doctor about getting worse. Maybe you can solve it without medications, like with psych/therapist appointments to conquer the issues. You said you've been hesitant on telling your psychiatrist, well, thats what she's there for, is to help you through this, whether with or without medicines.

[haveXhope]

Originally Posted by -ArcAngel-

Maybe you can solve it without medications, like with psych/therapist appointments to conquer the issues. You said you've been hesitant on telling your psychiatrist, well, thats what she's there for, is to help you through this, whether with or without medicines.

Very true. I have an appointment on Monday. I will talk to her about it then. Thank you.

[Thirteen]

No problem, and good luck.