Triggering: can't do this anymore

[actingpassion123]

i just can't deal with this anymore. i just cut badly for the first time in awhile. i binged this morning, so that's screwed up my weight. i'm so depressed/scattered that i haven't done schoolwork in three days, and i have my first prelim in my ivy league university on tuesday. i have no options. none. i can't tell anyone, but i can't keep this up.

someone please help me. i'm really scared of myself

[~CourageousSurvivor~]

Laura,

I am sorry you are struggling so much at the moment but please hang in there because it will get better. I am sure you hate hearing that or don't believe it but sometimes when you are really struggling you have to listen to others instead of yourself, you know what I mean? Sometimes when we are struggling all we can see is the bad but there are other people who can look at things in a different perspective and see the light that we cannot see.

What triggered all of this? Why are you struggling so much at the moment? If you can figure out what is causing you to feel this way you can isolate it and slolwy work on it which can help you, eventually, start feeling better.

As for the self harm, have you considered looking at the alternatives to self harm? I know they can seem unproductive at times but I have found the more you turn to them the less the more you are able to fight the urges. If you use them enough, eventually, your body will start to turn to them instead of the self harm.

Here is the link:

http://www.teenhelp.org/forums/f12-self-harm/t9418-alternatives-self-harm/

Remember that these might not work at first because your body has grown so accustomed to the self harm but if you use them enough you could see them working.

As for the binging; remember that an occasional binge is not going to hurt you. I believe that pretty much everyone has an occasional binge day and this is okay as long as you are not doing it ALL the time. You have to accept that you binged and remember that tomorrow is a new day. If you beat yourself up over it things will only get worse and you might feel more desire to binge again. Accept this binge and remember that you will be okay in terms of your weight.

Lastly, can I ask why you cannot tell anyone? I know that can be a hard thing to do but remember that the more we keep secrets the more we feel alone and that is never good. If you can please try to reach out to someone in real life. If that won't work why not try a hotline? I have used one before and it really helped me and maybe it could do the same for you.

Here is a link:

http://www.teenhelp.org/forums/f3-general/t22-hotlines/

Please try not to go at this alone because you deserve support and, at the same time, support can really help pull you through the rough times. Please hang in there and if you need anything feel free to pm me.

Jenna

[actingpassion123]

i'm trying, i really am. honestly, i'm not sure what triggered it. i have a lot of self-hatred, which leads to restricting, and guilt and self-hatred, which leads to sh. i'm homesick and it feels like my support systems have been ripped away. i need to do well in school, but i can't even bring myself to read my outlines.

right now i just can't believe that i've ruined everything my binging and cutting. i'm just a failure. i'm trying to understand that a binge isn't the end of the world, but it's just so hard to comprehend.

no one knows what i'm going through except my therapist at home. i'm too scared to dissappoint people by letting them know my struggles. i'm also scared that they'll put me somewhere.

i might try the hotline. i left a voicemail for my home therapist a few minutes ago, so i'll wait to see if she'll call back. i'm just not even sure if i can open up to her. but i can promise you i'll be safe until then.

thank you for the support

[actingpassion123]

she never called me back. i want to call a hotline, but i'm too scared. i don't know what to do. i don't know how i can do this. it doesn't feel like a temporary problem. it feels like i'll never be free of this.