Triggering (Suicide): can't live like this

[actingpassion123]

i'm never going to be over my depression. or cutting. or ed. it's always going to be a part of me. i've cut every day now, and the fighting inside my head about self-harm and eating is too much. i can't concentrate on anything, so i know i'm going to fail my prelim. i can't tell anyone about my problems, b/c they will be disappointed.

people say that suicide is a "permanent solution to a temporary problem", but this does NOT feel temporary. i've been dealing with it for 6 years!

i just can't live like this anymore. but i don't want to hurt my family by killing myself. but i'm really seeing no other choice

someone, please help me.

[Max_99]

Hey! Please don't give up

There are people who care for you and people who love you, and you obviously know it. Know that I care. Try to take every day as a single step. I don't know your whole story, but I think you should maybe try seeing a therapist regularly if you do not already.

[Wishable]

Oh how I relate to your words. How frustrating is it to feel that there is no end to this dark tunnel, no way out? I wish I could magically pull you forward into a brighter future, but unfortunately all I have to give are my words.

What I want you to know is that you are loved. Maybe it's in the future, or maybe it's in your present, but wherever it is love is waiting. Laura, you deserve to feel special, and loved, and happy. And I really believe that with the right help, you can get there.

It will be a never ending battle, but the good will be worth it. You have to fight for it though, you have to make it... and I think you can.

Is there someone you can talk to in person about this? What have you been doing to fix it?

I hope you feel better, and I'm sending you lots of hugs and prayers tonight

[~CourageousSurvivor~]

Hey there,

I really can relate to what you are saying; I have struggled with depression since I can remember but it does get better. You get to a point where you can better handle the feelings and they are not as intense. I cannot tell you when that is going to be because it is different for everyone and being honest it took me years to get there. However, I can promise you I am glad I made it through because the things I have gained have made life worth it.

I know it is hard but don't tell yourself that you are never going to overcome the sh and ed because that is not true. Yes, it might take a while to get to a point where you are living healthy but you will get there. Two years ago I was Self harming everyday and it was kind of bad; today I have relapses but the cuts are not as bad and I am not as dependent upon it. You can get there too.

I will admit my ED is a little more complicated then that BUT I can identify my unhealthy mind (ED) from my healthy mind and that is a place I have never been.

These things will go away but it is all in baby steps. I think that is the most frustrating part of it all. We know where we want to be but getting there is a bit harder but it is not impossible. Do not give up on yourslef because when that hope fades so does that spark of life within you. I want to see you survive; I know you can survive.

I hope this helped and if you need anything please feel free to pm me.

Jenna

[actingpassion123]

Thank you all for your support. I made it through the night, and I'm waiting to hear back from my therapist. I promised myself I wouldn't do anything final until I heard from her. I just don't know what I can do. My amazing support system feels like it's been ripped away. I just don't know what to do. I don't know how to fix it. Part of me feels like I shouldn't fix it b/c this is how it's meant to be. I don't know.

[actingpassion123]

I got really close to harming myself today, and was able to call and schedule a walk-in appointment at my school's counseling service. She was really nice and helpful, but towards the end she mentioned the possibility of hospitalization! That truly scared me. Although, part of me thinks it would be good, b/c then maybe I could actually get better. What do you all think?

Of course, this would involve dropping out of school, probably moving back home, telling my parents, etc. But what if it would help?

[MidnytexRayne]

If it'll help you.. i say go for it.

You may be scared, but like everyone else has said, that's normal. You'll be fine.

[actingpassion123]

I feel like I need to tell my parents how depressed I am, and that I need to come home. But I feel like a failure even thinking about that. But I don't know how much longer I can last on my own...

[~CourageousSurvivor~]

Laura,

You need to do what is best for you and I promise you will not be a failure. You know, due to my own struggles I ended up dropping two semesters of college and I felt like such a darn failure but someone told me 'you are doing what you need to to survive and get better and that makes you strong, smart and brave.' And, I believe it.

Talk to your parents and see what they have to say, do what you need to so that you can start feeling better and go from there.

If you need anything please feel free to pm me.

Jenna