Triggering: Bleh.

[Sunlight.]

Well today was a really good day for me. Because this is my last week for Year 12, the students at my school did funny pranks like bringing silly string, stuff like that. For example, today in Music we were having a party and 3 boys in my class were planning something. They took their school shirt off, put white shirts on that had different pictures of students and teachers on them with quotes they had said or reminded them of the students or teachers that they had on their shirts and put their school shirt down their underwear. They took their pants off when the bell went and ran around the school with just their white shirts on and with the school shirt down their underwear. One of the guys had a picture of another guy in my year on his shirt and when this guy came around to the Senior's Area, the guy chased him with just his underwear and shirt on. But whenever I laugh, it's like I'm being a massive fake. I feel depressed and stressed because I have my major exams in 3-4 weeks. I'm mostly worried about Maths because that's my weaker subject and that's the only one I'm failing in. I just don't get it no matter how hard I try and how much I study I still get bad marks in Maths. I just really need help with the way I'm feeling. I'd rather not feel anything and not be human then feel what I'm feeling. I fucking hate it so much that I just want to die. I want to be able to fall asleep and not wake up. I want to be able to be carefree and to plan stuff with friends. I want to be as strong as people say and think I am because there's no way I truly am strong. I'm pathetic and weak. I'm useless, worthless and hopeless. I can't even get good grades in the subjects I love doing. The only good thing that's happening to me at the moment is attending 2 Early Entry interviews for this University I applied for, for Journalism/Communications and Media studies (it's a double degree) and Education. But I think to myself there's no point in me attending because I'm not going to get it. If I do get in I'm going to an almighty shit job in being a Journalist/News Reporter because I can't even talk properly. There's words I can't say properly and I'm fucking 17 for christ sake! I also speak way to fast and people can't understand what I'm saying half the time. And there's no point in me becoming a Teacher because I'm far to stupid.

[taylalatbh.]

Hey Rianna. It sounds like you've had a bit of a bad day

Maybe you could try and get a maths tutor to help you study up before your exams. You'll be surprised how much it could help you to understand the things you didn't before. Big exams can be stressful for anyone, they're a big deal and make everyone get a little crazy. Just try and prepare yourself, plan out study times and pace yourself. When the exam comes, you've just got to do it and do your best, because that's the best you can do.

As for University, good luck on getting those interviews! It could mean you've got a good chance of getting in, which is fantastic! It sounds like a very interesting course Don't be too worried about not being confident about doing the journalism side of things. The class will teach you everything you need to know and you'll learn how to be confident with what you're doing. And don't say you're too stupid to be a teacher! Don't be so harsh on yourself! You'll do really well in what you want to do, just study as best as you can. And teaching can't be too hard because teachers follow books anyway

It sounds like you're just having a hard time, but don't worry, loads of people are. Just try your best and you'll do fine.

If you wanna speak some more, message me. Take care!

[~CourageousSurvivor~]

Rianna,

Don't be so hard on yourself; I doubt that you are stupid, hun, you made it to year 12 in school that proves that you have smarts. Also, there are words that I say wrong all the time. I feel stupid for saying them wrong but we are all human and we make mistakes. Besides, some words in the dictionary are so stupid of course they are going to be hard to say.

As for maths, you will do fine, if you need why not look into a tutor? It might be a bit awkward asking for help but all people have areas that are a little bit more difficult for them. I know that I am not too good with math either and I am stressing about my own math class this semester. You are not stupid just because you might be struggling a bit; some things such as math are easier for others.

Please don't be so hard on yourself and if you need anything feel free to pm me. I know you can make it through this and I know you are strong because you are still hanging in there even though you are struggling; that equals strength in my books!

Jenna