Really not sure what to do

[Ella.x]

This summer, my life has prettymuch fallen apart; I failed out of uni and don't want to go back, I'm on jobseekers allowance, I got diagnosed with polycystic kidney disease which causes me a fair bit of pain and will only get worse, my counsellor just suddenly decided to stop seeing me and last week i was in hospital with severe abdominal pain and after telling the doctors repeatedly about my kidney disease, they decided to ignore me. After 5 days of being ignored and starved for over half of my time there incase i needed an operation, I discharged myself. I managed to speak to my kidney consultant after i got out of hospital and he thinks i had a bleed into one of the cysts on my kidneys.
Basically, in the course of 1 summer my life has turned to shit. I honestly cannot see the point in living anymore. I'm still on anti-depressants which are still not working. All I think about is suicide. I even dream about killing myself. I have no idea what to do anymore - my counsellor has ditched me, I'm not seeing my psychiatrist until December, I have no close friends and my family have no idea that I'm feeling this bad. someone help me please?

[Quartet]

I'm so sorry you're going through all of this.
I know what it's like to be ignored by doctors, and family.
Please don't give up and don't cut university completely out of your life.
When things are not working in my life, I try to change something drastically. I.E. I don't like where I'm living, so I moved.
Sometimes it's not that easy, obviously, but as soon as you have a goal set for yourself things will be easier.
Have you thought about perhaps just going on a vacation? Sometimes even a get-away somewhere new can bring a change in your life.
And if you ever need someone to talk to, you can PM me. I'm a pretty good listener.

[jailynstanton]

Instead of consulting psychiatrist you should consult expert doctor. It will definitely give right advice.

[JesusFreak]

I'm sorry too. I dream about it. I see it in my head. Its scary very very scary. I hate the dreams hate the feelings of helplessness and lose. Hate the anger hate the pain. hate the hate! im a mess =) but like my teach. says its gotta get worse b4 it gets better (hes not very inspirational) anyway im sorry that your physical body has betrayed you and ur emotional not feeling right. Im sorry you have to go through this. and im very sorry. I think you need to fine another counsler someone who will stick by you. and il be a close friend if u want me too be. =)

[Ella.x]

I don't want another counsellor. I just want to detatch myself from everyone until I can kill myself without anyone getting upset. I cut myself pretty badly on saturday. I could see muscle but it wasn't enough. I need to hurt. I need to break myself. I can't keep pretending that everything's okay.