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Depression and Suicide If you feel depressed or suicidal then you can talk with our users about your feelings here.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
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I almost made her cry again - September 22nd 2010, 10:12 AM

Well, I'm 14 years old, and I have had depression for almost 2 years now. I would cut myself, attempt suicide, it got to the point where I didn't care about anything. Before my depression, I always had A's, knew I was beautiful even though I was bigger, and swore I would never do anything bad like drinking or smoking, and that I would be abstinent. After I began to not care, my grades slipped horribly, I thought I was ugly and no would want me, my life wasn't worth living, I pierced myself whenever I felt like it, I started to drink, smoke, and cut. Knew that if anybody ever offered I would do drugs. Lost my virginity to my friend's boyfriend, who I didn't have feeling's for, in a public park bathroom. I was a horrible person. When my mom found out I cut, I told her I wanted help. I never got it. Then just the other day, on the 20th, I realized that I was happy, I was truly happy. I looked in a mirror and thought of how beautiful I was, threw away all my razors, and everything else. And thought, why did I ever think that any of this stuff I did was good? I have always enjoyed Body Mods such as piercings and tattoos, but I decided I was going to get one special tattoo the day I turned 18. It is the words "I survived" written in Japanese characters on the back of my calf. When I told my mom my idea, she cried once again, but this time unlike the rest it was because she couldn't be happier, this time she cried because there was hope and I was getting better, not because I had just done something wrong and horrible. We all cried, because that was the moment I realized my life is worth living, and it was all thanks to the help of my friends, and my mother. It took me a while to see just what I have but I did, and anyone else can too. Sure I'm not a virgin and I won't be able to give my husband or wife someday that one special gift, but from now on, I won't give that to anyone else until the night of my wedding. As for the scars on my wrist, they'll be there for a while, but that tattoo I get will be there forever. I'm writing this to be inspirational. I know a lot of people won't read this, but even if just one person does, at least I tried to touch and help someone. It is a hard journey on the road to recovery, I still have a long way to go, but I know, that I can and will survive.


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"It's all well and good to apologize to me but if at the end of the day I still mean so little to you, then treat me like a puppy and leave me on the street you dumped me on, don't come back to pick me up just so you can drop me on the concrete again." -Cheye Masters

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  (#2 (permalink)) Old
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Re: I almost made her cry again - September 26th 2010, 10:33 PM

Hey there.

I glad to hear you're doing better! This was really awesome to read, especially when I got to the part about your mom crying. Stay strong, you should be so proud of yourself for what you've achieved.

<3 Take care.


To you, everything's funny. - -
I'd give all I have, honey. - If you could stay like that.
Stay this little. - - I won't let nobody hurt you.
Just try to never grow up. - - Never grow up.
   
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Re: I almost made her cry again - September 26th 2010, 11:22 PM

What I loved most about what I read...YOU MADE THE COMMITMENT TO YOURSELF! Congratulations and yes...you are an inspiration to anyone who reads this...including me!
Each day, you will get stronger and stronger. One day at a time. Look in that mirror everyday and you keep reminding yourself just how beautiful you are! Because you are!
It is so nice to hear you write that you have the help and support of your mom and your friends...that is so awesome! Having that support system behind you will help you on those days when you don't have the strength to motivate and inspire yourself...call on them...and they will be your legs when you don't think you can walk the journey...they will help carry you until you do have the strength to get back up.
Life will always be full of challenges and obstacles and believe it or not...the bigger the challenge you overcome...the stronger you get to be ready for the next one waiting for you...
I would encourage you to document your journey in a journal just so you can reflect back on how far you have come and are going...on the days you need your own inspiration...you can read previous entries for your own inspiration...
I am so proud of you! Keep shining!
   
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JesusFreak Offline
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Re: I almost made her cry again - September 27th 2010, 01:41 AM

im very glad. im very happy for you. and im glad u uploaded this
   
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