Triggering: Yes it's me again

[Sunlight.]

Well tonight I've been feeling really bad. It's come to the point where I'm struggling and I'm bursting to talk to someone about it but there's no-one on my msn contact list whose online at this moment who I want to talk to...at all. It's like I'm hollow and keeping it bottled all inside to the point where I just want to explode with the pain; letting it all out. But no, I can't even do that. I can't tell anyone what I'm thinking, feeling or what I'm planning on doing to myself because I feel like no-one will understand. Yes I know I sound melodramatic and that there are people who do understand what I'm going through but I want that someone to be physically with me so I can ring them whenever I need to talk to someone, who stays over my place every week or vice versa. I want someone to love me more then a friend or family member. I want someone to look me in the eye, know exactly what I'm feeling and just let me cry it all out. I want someone to let me rage and scream at them and know that no matter what I say it's not true but know the only reason why I'm saying it is because I'm in pain; in agony. I want to be included in parties and pictures that people put on Facebook, MySpace and Bebo. I want to go somewhere where no-one will hear me scream and rage. I want to talk to someone and not feel awkward when I do because I'm scared their going to tell someone and betray my trust. I have really bad trust issues and feel like everyone will find out what I'm thinking and feeling.
My parents and older brother are always putting me down or stopping me fulfil my dreams. Several times I've had to say no to things that I would have LOVE to have down but because of my family I've turned it down. For example, there's this Acting/Modelling/Photography agency up in the city. I live about 0.5-1 hour away from the city depending on traffic. Now I LOVE Acting and Photography but because according to my parents "it's too far away" I can't make it to the free consultation that they informed me today off. They seem pretty interested in me considering they asked for me to come to an interview that again I turned down and now they want to meet me again.
They almost didn't let me go to a University that I applied for and really wanted to go to because it's in the place where I absolutely adore. But out of sheer luck because my Dad's taking a day of work because my Aunty, Uncle, Cousin and Grandma are going to England for a holiday, after we go to the airport we're going to the University for an Early Entry Interview.
Is there any point in me living anymore? No matter how hard I try; no matter how much I work to make my dreams come true there's no way there going to come true because I'm way to stupid and/or there's someone in the way, blocking my path and preventing me to reach that glory in which I really need. I'm sick of being outshone by someone. I'm sick of people that are younger then me being more talented. I'm sick of people telling me what to do. I'm just sick of everything and I'd rather fucking slash my wrists and let it bleed. Or just shoot or hang myself. That would be the perfect way out wouldn't it?

[Agoraphobia♥]

Look, I know I'm younger than you, and I can't physically be there for you, but I care about you and I don't even know you, I know what you feel like to a certain point and I've just been able to begin turning my life around. I would love for you to be able to vent to me and I would love to be able to help you because, I can honestly say, I read all of your post, and the whole time, I wish I could physically be there for you, but just know that I am here for you the most I can be and I care about you. Please, I know how you feel and no one deserves to feel that way.

[shoeshoe]

Rianna12,

I'm a parent who's daughter has been feeling very down lately. I'm quite concerned about her, came across this web site, and read your post.

I'm not sure it will help, but I want you to know that I personally appreciate your sharing your struggle and your pain. I admire your courage, and strength; it takes a great deal of both to be able to experience and communicate to others what you've been feeling. By being so open about how and what you feel, you've helped me to realize and remember how painful it sometimes can be to be a teenager, and the kind of pain my own daughter may be going through.

Thank you for your eloquent, articulate post. I am better off because I read your post, and I believe my daughter will be, too, because I'll be more educated and sensitive as to her struggle and her needs. Thanks, most of all, for who you are, and for sharing your true self with us, and with me, on this forum.

Leochick123,

My thanks also to you, for reminding me how kind and sincerely caring and truly helpful people can be. I hope that my own daughter, and all the other teens who feel as you all have felt, will find the kind of helpful support and friendship that you've given to Rianna12, here.

I think you're both wonderful.

Again, many thanks.

[Agoraphobia♥]

To shoeshoe,

I am always glad to give support, before I turned my life around, and even more now that I'm getting better. I know what that kind of pain and sadness feels like, and I also know that no one deserves to feel like that. I know that if there is anything I could do I will. And go you for understanding and trying to help your daughter, she'll need you, like I needed my mother. Just always be there for her no matter what but respect when she wants her own time alone.