I'm just not worth it...

[Simplyme7]

I really am starting to feel depressed, and honestly it's starting to scare me.

I am away at college, and most nights i have my dorm room to myself. Being alone is not a good thing for me. I hate to be alone with my thoughts.

I have been feeling like life just isn't worth it anymore. I don't feel like I have a home, since I am 2,300 miles away from my home home, i hate being at my dorm, and my boyfriend's house which used to basically be my other home here, is now off limits.

That really just shocked me. Normally my bf's mom is like 'Your staying with us on weekends. I dont want you at your dorm all alone on those party nights." and blah blah blah. So maybe i took it wrong, but that told me that i'd be staying there on the weekends. Well i found out today that they only did that because they wanted me to 'tranistion' into being able to stay in my dorm.

Fine. Whatever. But I haven't been taking my Inositol lately because I haven't had any. I've missed like 4 days. And I have PCOS and deal with severe emotional problems with it. I take the Inositol for that. Now i'm feeling downright suicidal.

I don't want to be here anymore. But I don't want to be home either. I don't want to be anywhere. I just want to stop being in general. But I couldn't do that i dont think. I dont know. I just know that right now I'm hurting, and i dont understand it, and i cant stop crying, and i cant talk to my bf because i dont want him to know just how bad im getting.

I just don't know what to do anymore.

[Max_99]

Hey whoa!

Do you have a number to call your parents? Maybe it'd help to hear your boyfriend's voice or your parents. Or maybe you could try to write a letter to them.
If you have a school doctor/counselor, maybe try talking to them. I hope you feel better <3

[Victoria ♥]

Hey there.

I’m sorry to hear how hard you’re finding things at the moment. You seem to have alot going on, so it might help if you spend some time thinking through all your options. Maybe you could try to find something to do on the nights when you have the dorm to yourself? Could you invite people over, or go out? If you are going to be in on your own then is there anything you could do to keep yourself distracted?

Like Max_99 has said, I think it’s really important that you talk to someone about how you’re feeling, especially since you’re feeling suicidal. There’re lots of people out there who will want to help you if they know how you’re feeling. You might find that your college would be able to offer some support to you, or you could try to find out if there are any counsellors either at college, or in the area you’re staying. You could always ring a helpline if you’re struggling and want to talk to someone. This link gives a list of helplines you might find useful. (http://www.teenhelp.org/forums/f3-general/t22-hotlines/)

Is there a reason why you don’t want your boyfriend to know how bad things are? He might want to know so that he can help and support you. How would you feel about talking to your boyfriends mum and explaining that you’re finding things hard? Also, I think it would be a good idea to talk to your doctor if you’ve stopped taking your medication.

Feel free to PM me if you want to talk, you definitely are worth it!

I hope you start to feel a bit better.

[dystorsion]

Hey there,

I'm sorry about the problems you're going through. The transition to college is definitely a difficult one. I know a lot of people that had problems settling into college at first, so don't feel lonely in that regard because you're not alone in feeling these difficulties. However, there are some positives in this situation, and that is that you're definitely going to attune yourself to your surroundings over time.

Eventually, you'll start meeting friends that you like from your dorm or from campus that will fit in the same niche as you. College is a big place, significantly bigger than high school. You'll meet plenty of people that you'll get along with.

That being said, I feel that your boyfriend and his parents have the right idea. You should settle into college and be used to being away from home. I know that's not what you want to hear right now, but being away from home is a rite of passage that all adults have to go through. I know it seems hard right now, but give it some time and soon you'll be independent.

However, we can't be independent without some support. It seems like you're going through some emotional issues right now, and that's normal. I'm going to echo the sentiments above, and say that you should confide in your boyfriend (what are boyfriends for, right? =D). Your boyfriend is there for you. Don't be ashamed to admit your problems to him. Also, your parents are also a really helpful crutch. Trust me, I called home a lot too when I first went to college. Your parents will be a big help.

Lastly, you should inform your parents of your prescription that has run out. That should be a priority.

Just take it easy, and be open to meeting new people, because the friends you make now will make college worth it. You have a great support system in place, and you should embrace this opportunity. If you can set your mood right, I have no doubt you'll be as happy as you've ever been.

I wish you the best.

Sincerely,
DC

[Simplyme7]

Thanks guys...
I did end up talking to my boyfriend last night, and we got through it.
I do have the medicine ordered, its down at the pharmacy. I just haven't had the time of day to go get it. Not to mention when I get like that I don't even want to touch the medicine because I feel like its too late anyways so why bother?

I made it through this time... And hopefully I will for other times too.
I found that the pictures on my wall helped me to not do anything stupid also... Pictures of my baby brother, and of letters from other two little brothers. I know that I could never do anything to really hurt myself... because I know that I would hurt them. But that doesn't stop the thoughts... Maybe I should not miss my medicine so much.

Thanks for all of the advice. It's good to know that people do care.

Thank-you.