Triggering: Some Please Just...Make It Stop. Please.

[Metal♥Lover]

I've had enough of feeling like shit because of something my parents choose to do that hurts me. But I can't avoid it, I'm only 13 so I can't move out. I don't have any relatives who would be willing to care for me-they are either too old for another kid, they are incapable of providing me with things I need or they just don't want me. I don't have any friends I could stay with. I have no escape. I can't cry. I can't cut. All of my artistic inspiration has been stolen from me. Everything that was once an escape has now been taken away from me. I don't have any way to feel better. I have no one to talk to in the real world. I can't bring myself to tell my older brother about my depression...he would be so disappointed in me. He would probably never speak to me again just out of shame that his little sister is not as cool as he thought she was. I have no one, nothing. I often wonder why I'm still alive.

My parents are the type that will drink whenever they have the bloody means to. I honestly wouldn't mind this if they would try to refrain from fighting. However, I'm just a kid so my opinion does not matter. Everytime they drink they always fight about something, even if it's the most stupid, petty thing you could think of. They've fought about dishes. They've fought about music. They've fought about how often they fight. You name it, they've most likely fought about it already. Thing is, all sorts of terrible emotions and memories haunt me when they fight. I begin to feel a sort of tightening in my chest that makes it hard for me to breathe. That, and my head begins to pound. I begin to feel a strong sense of hopelessness along with a deep sadness mixed in with some anger. I don't know what to do to make it stop. There's been people who ask me why them fighting bothers me so much because to them it doesn't seem like a big deal...but they have no clue.

[anybodyouthere?]

Talk to your brother. If you can't come outright with the depression, then talk to him about the fighting. Or talk to a school counselor, a private teacher, anybody who you can trust.

If it's such a bad environment that it's affecting your health, try to contact a social worker or go to a Covenant House (visit their website), police station, hospital, any public place where you'll be safe and free of the negativity.

[~CourageousSurvivor~]

Hey there,

I am sorry you are dealing with all of this but I want you to know that with time things can improve. I can't tell you when but I know that things are never, necessarily permanent. Think, you are 13 but in a few years you can go off to college, move out, get away. Right now that dream/goal may seem unattainable but it is not.

As for your brother; please talk to him. I remember when I was younger I didn't feel like my brothers would be understanding of the way I was feeling, I thought they would look down on me but things ended up happening and I realized that they were, in fact, supportive of me and wanted to see me improve. Sometimes we have these beliefs about how people will respond to certain aspects of our lives but they are not always true. Give talking to your brother a chance. And, if you don't feel comfortable talking to him about your depression talk to him about your parents and other stressors; it might just help you to realize you do not have to go through all of that alone.

Please hang in there and if you need anything feel free to pm me.

Jenna