I am so freaking tired of this.

[Simplyme7]

I hate this. It never fails. Every single freaking night. I hate nighttime. I get angry, and depressed, and suicidal. Every. Freaking. Night.

And because I get this way, I start fighting with my bf. I love him more than anything. But it doesn't stop our fighting. And it's always my fault. I always start it. Always. And I hate that I start it. And then I get mad at myself, and then follows the depression, and then the suicidal thought.

And then I will be at my dorm, all alone. And the suicidal thoughts get worse. Then soon my bf will call me, and we will fight some more. I will say mean things that hurt him, but he puts up with me. I will hang up on him countless times, because I say i don't want to talk to him anymore, but in honesty, I want nothing more than to be with him. He will call me back, I will get a lacture about hanging up.

Eventually, I'll give in, start crying, say I'm sorry for being so horrible, then eventually, fall asleep on the phone with him.

This happens EVERY night. And I HATE it. I'm terrible to him. But i just can't help it. I just get so angry, and depressed, and then I realize how terrible I am and I just want to die.

And it doesn't matter how amazing the day had been. Like today, best day i've had in a couple weeks. But now, its night time. I'm back at my dorm, alone. I'm still fighting with my boyfriend, always over ridiculous things.

I hate this. But I don't know how to stop it.

I swear I'm a different person at night. Like a were-wolf syndrome or something, as was pointed out to my earlier.

Gah. I just don't know what to do anymore.

I just want it to end.

[Beatrix]

Hello,
How are you feeling?
Don't give up, maybe have a break from your boyfriend and see how that goes.
If when your with him it ends up in you fighting maybe having a break from him is the best thing to do. Also how about talking to him about the fact you can't control how you act of a nightime.
I hope this helps you but stay strong! Suicide is never the answer.
Lots of love
Beatrix xx

[laughter]

I get something like that. when the sun is up I'm fine! but at night I get upset and depressed and angry and I cry a lot. Mostly I just get really depressed about how I think I'm worthless and stuff. And then I get angry at myself for being a baby snd being a bad girlfriend. I have been wanting to get help for it. I was gonna go to a doctor. I suggest you do the same. It could be a manic depressive thing.

[WillO'Wisp]

Try talking to your boyfriend about your feelings, open up to him, and maybe he could help you through this?
I think you should really consider talking to a Therapist or a doctor about this and maybe they could give you something that'll help.
You say you get depressed at night time, so maybe try leaving the dorm at night or visit with some friends, do something to occupy your mind and make you happy. I hope I was helpful. I hope you feel better soon, hang in there. Remember, there is always hope around the corner.
*Hugs*