Triggering (SH): Perfect Idea.

[Illuminate]

I have been putting it off, posting in this forum.. because I know alot of people here have worse problems than me.. so I am sorry for taking up peoples time.
It's really hard to put into words what I need help with. I guess I just need some support.. A reason to keep going.
Because lately I don't see any reasons. People never listen to me.
I don't have depression or any mental illness. Thats been made perfectly clear to me. Yet I still want to kill myself. I think about overdosing on a daily basis. I still want to cut my wrists and arms to pieces. Why aren't people listening?!
My therapist just says its a tough time.
People aren't even trying to help me..
maybe if I attempted suicide but puposly failed, I'd get the help I need? Seems like a perfect idea to me.

this all sounds pathetic.. but I've been thinking about it for a long time.

[.Brittany.]

Charli, you're so much better then this, you have so many people that care about you. Please, go get help? Your therapist doesn't seem to help much.. Maybe admit yourself into the hospital? I care about you. You're a great friend, and a great listener. I'm always here if you need to talk! You know where to find me.

<3

[xxprincessxx]

Hey,

I kind of feel like I'm in the same boat as you, I know it's not fun when you're looking for a reason to go on and you keep coming up with nothing. When nobody listens and takes you seriously, it's hard. Have you tried telling them what you told us, about the overdosing/suicide and the cutting? Because all of that is enough to be taken seriously! If they won't, can you find somebody who will? Parents, friends, another trusted adult? You're therapist should of all people. Please don't attempt to kill yourself, I know you want to fail in order to show people how you feel, but that's not a good idea. You might not fail or even if you do you could cause serious damange to yourself. I know what you mean by wanting too because I've thought about it from time to time, but it's better to just tell people what your planning over actually doing it. It'll get better! If you ever want to talk, just PM me. <3

[Nicole!]

Its been a proven fact that everyone has a reason to be here. Everyone has at least one person who cares about them. You aren't wasting anyones time with your post. This is the reason that we are all here on this site.

I'm happy that you were brave enough to post this, because getting some help is always the best thing to do. I am here for you if you ever need to talk. You should probably sit your friends down and let them know whats up. They are your friends because they care about you. They may not know that anything is wrong, the outside can fool people into thinking everythings okay on the inside.

Suicide is never the answer, ever. A friend of mine committed just a few months ago, and if he had seen just how many people it had affected, maybe he wouldn't have done it. More people care and love you then you know.

Stay strong, and take care. Things will get better.

[Illuminate]

I'm too scared to tell her about the suicide bit... She said she has to tell my parents if I am a danger to myself or people around me.
I couldn't deal with the disappointment that would come along with it...
But I told her about cutting... I find it hard to talk about it though.

I thought about ringing one of those hotline thingys.. but I don't know what to say... and I don't know if it would show up on the phone bill..

[Ancora Imparo]

Charli, Charli, Charli.

I'm really sorry to hear that you aren't feeling so great right now. I know what you mean when you say that you feel as if nobody is trying to help because I've been there, I went to my doctor to get refered to somebody and they said if I filled in all the forms as soon as possible then they would send it off as soon as possible. Okay that's great, it took them three weeks to send the form off and I'm still waiting to hear from somebody, it has been a month now and I'm super frustrated about it. I know there probably isn't much that I can say right now that's going to make you feel any better but I just want you to know that I care and if you ever need someone to talk to then I'll always be here for you and I'm always more than happy to listen and talk about everything and anything, I'm not going to judge you at all. As for a reason for living, well, how about travelling around the world on our boat for starters? I hope that you're feeling a little better soon and if there is anything I can do for you then please let me know because I'd like to be able to help where I can do so.

Take care and stay strong, we're here for you.

[xxprincessxx]

you wouldn't be a disappointment, it takes a lot of courage to talk about that. i'm sure your parents or whoever you live with would be happy that you're getting help over suffereing with these thoughts.

and i know what it's hard to talk about the cutting, i struggle with that a lot but you always feel better after you speak about it, especially when you're getting help!

calling a hotline is a good idea. the 1800 numbers dont usually show up on the phone bill so you should be okay.

[Ocean*girl2]

I read a book where one character says that everyone has a right or reason to be on the planet. Just by being born. If it helps, you could follow that belief.

[~CourageousSurvivor~]

Hey hun,

I am sorry you are struggling! And don't ever be sorry for posting here. If something is bothering you then it is IMPORTANT! Remember that just because someone might have it worse than us does not mean our problems are not important.

It sounds like you should consider getting a new therapist. I know that might be hard to do but sometimes therapists aren't good. I had a therapist once who was not the right fit. He basically said I wasn't trying hard enough, tried helping my mom more then me and a bunch of other stuff. I eventually transferred into the care of someone else and it helped immensely. Therapists are human too so sometimes we don't mesh with them, sometimes they let their opinions get in the way of them being proper doctors etc. It is okay to seek a different counselor.

I would also suggest that you try telling your therapist how you are feeling about her. I know that might be hard to do but therapy is about communication. If you communicate with your therapist she can help you. If you let your therapist know how you are feeling she might be able to work with you to figure out what you need to make therapy work. If not she might be able to help you find a therpist who will work for you. Don't be afraid to be honest.

Hun, I promise if you open up about the suicidal thoughts you are having you will not be a disappointment to anyone. I think your parents would much rather you get help for it now then do something to damage yourself beyond repair. Any time you attempt suicide (even if you don't want it to work) you attempt damaging your body. Find someone to open up to about your suicidal ideation and you will feel better for it. Charli, I promise you are not a disappointment to anyone.

Lastly, I could give you a lot of reasons why you should keep living. The one that I find most important is the fact that you deserve to keep living. You have so much life waiting out there to be explored and I would hate for you to miss out on that. You deserve to experience life and all the things it is going to bring you. You are important and you are deserving of life. Don't let go of it, okay?

I don't know if this helped but if you ever need to chat please feel free to pm me.

Jenna

[~*Rach*~]

Hey lovely,
Im sorry to hear things are so tough at the moment. I wish I could be there to give you a great big hug... But I guess I cant
So hear is some virtual ones:

You said you were too scared to talk to your counsellor about suicide... Well one thing that has helped me is to write her a letter. Tell her what you told us.... You could even print this out and give it to her. Some times people cant understand how deep our disstress is until they have something in their hands that discribes it.
Please reconsider dieing..... trust me ive been there and I know how hard it is to take in things people say or remember things when you are so sad, but people will miss you. I for one would feel sadness that I havent felt for years. Ive lost so many people to suicide and the sadness and greif you leave behind is impossible to discribe to you.
Good luck Charli, I really hope you are ok and PLEASE dont forget my inbox is always open...
Love you loads,
Rach
xoxoxoxoxox

[Life17]

Unlike the others I want say that I understand how you feel because everyone have there own feelings and pain but I will say that ive been in your situation. I had a therapist a school counselor,family,and a best friend who told me that they understood how I felt but neither of them was giving me the help that I needed. I attempted suicide twice and I was cutting multiple times in one day. I finally got the help that I needed when I got hospitalized.

It sucks looking for a reason to stay alive or to live for, but dont stop searching because everyone has a reason. And you want to know what will suck most of all, for you to feel like your feelings is a burden to others then you attempt suicide to get help but you die and then you will leave your love ones on earth struggling day to day worrying what could they have done. To prevent that just tell someone your plan so that you can get help.

[Illuminate]

WOAH... I really wasn't expecting all of those responses... I love each and every one of you for caring so much...
Thankyou <3

I can't tell her yet about suicidal plans and thoughts... I really can't. I wouldn't be able to look my parents in the eye ever again. And I know that they would talk to my family about it.. I will be just.. ugh.. god. I can't do it.

But I wrote her an e-mail yesterday, telling her how I feel and I got a reply first thing this morning.. She really is a lovely person.. and she's trying her hardest... I think I just need to give it a bit longer and tell her more stuff.
I seem to hold back alot.

I just have to hold on to hope. I can still SH.. No-one is trying to stop me. and at this point I am not going to stop.. I just have to deal with some of these emotions before I even attemt to stop cutting. Otherwise I am just going to make myself feel worse than I do.

I'm seeing my therapist tomorrow about everything.. Kinda scared. I don't like talking about my feelings much.

But again... thankyou to all of you.. you have no idea how much it means to have people caring about me <3

[Palmolive]

Charlie, I hate to see you posting, simply because you don't deserve to need to post here. You are such an amazing person and deserve so much more. Everyone has problems. No one's or worse than others. Everything affects everyone differently, and the way you are feeling, is having an affect on your life, and it's important you come to us for help as well.

If you don't want to stop self harming right now, then that's up to you. Sometimes it can help us, and can stop us from doing anything worse. But try use distractions before, just to try and prevent it. Always use it as a last case scenario. You know where the alternative's is Use it, yes?! But know your limits. If you go to far, make sure you get medical help, okay. Your a bright kid, you know that.

I want you to know, that I understand about the whole not saying you are suicidal because of the affect it will have you family. But the thing is, if we all lived like that about everything, then no one would really get any where. We have to put our selves first every once in a while, and this is your time. So you have to take a step forward and face it. What is the worst that can happen? Yes, your parent's may be upset and it will be a bit awkward at first, but they will be upset, because they care. They love you and worry. Knowing your going through this is going to be hard for them, but they are your parents and they are there to help you with this stuff. Its their responsibility. There is no need to hide it from them, okay?

We all know, talking about things, can be really hard. But you can talk about it. The only person who can stop you is you. I know, its hard, I really do, but you have to force yourself, because its the only way people can understand and put in the right support to work with you in a way which is going to move things forward and help you feel better. You could always print some of your blogs of, of this post, or just write it down and give it to her. She want's to help you. She understands, that talking about feelings, thoughts, things that have happened and what ever have you, is going to be difficult. She doesnt expect you to find it easy to talk to her, she understands.

I hope tomorrow goes well, don't worry okay? She's there to help you. Keep your chin up kidda. Every thing can and will be okay.

You know where I am.
Jess. <3

[jduckie]

i know how you feel. i feel the same way, and it always seems to me like no one cares enough to notice or take me serious. which makes me even more upset. sometimes im not sure why i feel upset or low, and it almost makes me wish i had a mental illness or something that would give me a reason to feel this way...but anyways, stay strong and if you ever need someone to talk to im here!

[~*Rach*~]

Im sorry to hear you still struggling my gorgous girl
I know the feelings of not wanting to upset your family!! Gosh we are so alike lovely!
CONGRATS on emailing your counsellor!! IM SO PROUD OF YOU!! THAT REALLY WAS BRAVE!
I bet your family would rather know how you are feeling then loose you... yeah?? am I right?? Think about it this way.... Im not sure if you have a sister or brother and if not then think of your mum. If they were feeling this way, would you not want to know?? Would you rather have them alive with you and help them through this tough time... then loose them?? If it was them would you feel disapointed with how they are feeling or so relived that they had come to you and not given into those feelings?
Could you email your parents?? Or instead of saying face to face to your counsellor could you email her again??
I know, you know, that you need to tell someone. You are a bright girl arent you sweetie?? Please, just try.... It may take a few tries but I have faith that you can do it.
I love you so much gorgous,
Love,
Me
ps.... You are amazing and I know you can pull through this tough time!!!!!!!!!!!!!:hu g:

[Illuminate]

You are all so amazing <3
thankyou for helping out and caring

Things went okay with my therapist.. I blogged about it, if you want to know any more information or whatever..

but I guess I really do love you guys <3