Losing it all

[ablueblackshadeoflove]

I went to a small highschool last year but decided that for my junior year I wanted a "regular highschool experience" and switched to the bigger hs where my sister goes.I knew a few people threw my sister so I figured that the switched wouldn't be too hard and that I would at least have a few friends.Now that i've switched..guess what?I am completely friendless.In the beginning of the year I would sit with my sister at lunch but she has a boyfriend now and spends all her time with him.To her,i'm not even there anymore.At lunch i'll try and make the time pass faster by slowly getting my lunch,fixing my makeup,going to the restroom,etc.Today I had to sit with some sophomores because I kind of knew them and they said I looked lonely without my sister.Great,other people are noticing.After school,that same kid who said I looked lonely told me "you're always by yourself,you need to find some friends".I already knew that so when he told me,I wanted to cry right on the spot.It felt horrible to hear it from somebody else.I'm always so shy but it's mostly because I don't have any friends and having no friends really lowers my self esteem.If thats even possible.I feel so ugly and like there must be something wrong with me for me not being able to make friends.For halloween,I had to text someone to see if tagging along with her and her group of people would be alright.I felt so pathetic and desperate.I hate being alone but its basically the story of my life.Well,lately anyways.I've been feeling so hopeless and lost,like a nobody.I just feel so low.Sometimes I wonder why i'm like this and what I did to fuck up so badly at life.At everything.I wonder if my mom is ashamed of me.She works at the school and always sees me alone.My mother and older sister always tell me that I look mad and unapproachable,but maybe it's because I have no friends?!I try to be happy but I just don't think I can do it anymore.I'm finally breaking down.Once a strong girl with friends by my side to make me happy,now a fucking nobody who everyone just passes up in the halls without even a simple hello or a smile.Everyone has forgotten about me and i'm about to give up on the world.Nothing makes me happy anymore.I need a reason to smile.I look for the small things to be happy about and try to find hope,but none can be found.All hope is gone and used up.I'm sick of staying home every day while other people come to school the next talking about how much fun they had with their friends the previous day making me feel like a loner.And please don't even ask how my day went,let alone my weekend.I'm so fed up with all this bullshit and I just want to live a happy life.But,lately,every day has been a "fuck my life" sort of day.

[~CourageousSurvivor~]

Hey there,

It sounds like you are dealing with a lot but I promise you things can get better. High school can be tough and finding friends can be difficult but I am sure there are ways that you can go about it. Sometimes when we are struggling it is hard to see how to fix the situation. I hope that I can help you in some way.

I think you should try expressing to your sister how you are feeling. I know that might be hard to do but when people get into relationships they do tend to forget (for a while) the other people in their lives. This forgetfulness is not intentional and a lot of the time when it is pointed out to them they take some steps to fix it. So, talk to your sister and maybe she will be able to work something out with you. Maybe you and her could set up a few days in the week where you spend time together. It might be as good as when she was single but I am sure it will help.

It sounds like people do notice you. You said that people have been noticing that you are alone a lot more. However, sometimes are reluctant to approach people who seem shy. So, I would suggest you try reaching out to people in your school. Talk a little bit more to people and see what result. Talk to people in your classes, talk to the people you sat with at lunch. I promise the more you talk the more likely you will be to make friends. You are going somewhere with a group of people for halloween right? Try striking up conversations with them, get to know them and when you see each other in school talk a bit more. I know not being shy is very scary but there are going to be a lot of people who will open up to all that.

Also, if your school has clubs look into joining those. That is a great way to meet people who have your same interests. When you share interests with people it makes it a little easier to strike up conversation and friendships.

Life won't always be this hard. There are always going to be ups and downs but the ups will far out weigh the downs. And with time you can and will make friends.

I really hope this helped and if you need anything feel free to pm me.

Jenna

[Meowwings]

Seems hard to me. Whoever thinks they can convince you of being useless and friendless is wrong. Maybe your looking in the wrong places. I know I was for a while. But now I have surrounded myself with people that love me and I love them. A thing to do is to make a name for yourself. What is that one special thing about you that no one else has? I'm crazy happy even when I'm mad. But I'm always there for my friends. Join a club and jump right into the work. Don't sit around and let opportunities pass you by.