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Depression and Suicide If you or a loved one is feeling depressed or suicidal, you are not alone. Talk with other users about your feelings here.

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Sad_Lauren Offline
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I Can't Do It Anymore - November 8th 2010, 01:10 AM

This thread has been labeled as triggering, particularly on the subject of suicide, by the original poster or by a Moderator. The contents of this thread therefore might not be suitable for certain sensitive users. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

i'm so close to breaking. i need serious help or there won't be enough time left. everyone knows everything about me, the cutting, the issues, the pain, but i still can't stop it. i have meds that don't work and my mom refuses to put me on regular depression medication. everyone in my family yells and screams and fights and it puts such a strain on me. my friends barely even care anymore. my issues have been put on the backburner once more. nobody even cares to ask how i am. i've been close to cutting every night now. i can barely resist reaching into the hiding place of my regular cutter or even using an actual blade. i cry so much it hurts. my stomach aches because of all the pressure i'm under. the little things, arguments, teases, friends leaving me, it all is getting to me. now with school its worse. and then there's family, taking care of the dog, getting yelled at, and trying to keep up a facade of being perfectly normal. nobody even knows that i've planned my own death. i have every little detail set up, all i need is the time. the only things that make me happy are singing, acting, writing, and photgraphy. all things my parents refuse to let me follow through with. i don't even know what to do anymore because all of it has nothing to do with what i want and everything to do with what my parents want. i just want out, whether through death or cutting i'm not sure. my mom is close to revealing my secret to my family and on several occasions has dropped little details that nobody cares enough to put together. i just want someone to hold me while i cry and tell me its not my fault. i just want to be able to drop everything to have some time to talk to a professional and get the help i really truely need, but it's all about what helps my family more than what helps me. if i don't talk to someone or get real help soon, i'm afraid of what might happen...
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Re: I Can't Do It Anymore - November 9th 2010, 05:09 AM

So you enjoy singing acting writing and photography? If you're passionate about those things let them be your escape.
Cutting only gives you a moment of relief and suicide provides no relief because you'll be gone.
Focus on those things you do enjoy. Let them be what make you happy. If your mom seriously won't let you do these things don't let her know you do. Write in a journal. Sing in the shower. Take pictures while you're walking places. You can always find time for the things you love and if it makes you feel better than it is worth your time.
   
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Re: I Can't Do It Anymore - November 9th 2010, 05:19 AM

I agree with what itsmekt said. Take the things you love to do and do them. Try and get lots of sleep and take lots of time to relax and hang out with your friends. The best thing to do is to keep your mind off your problems. It gets much easier as time goes on. Best of luck!


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