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-   -   i don't know what to do (http://www.teenhelp.org/forums/f11-depression-suicide/t59270-i-dont-know-what-do/)

kucowgirl09 November 8th 2010 09:40 AM

i don't know what to do
I'm not really sure what to do, or where to go, or even if this will help at all. I've been depressed for years now, ever since i was little and my parents got divorced. I recently was diagnosed as bipolar but the "meds" don't help. I don't remember when the suicide attempts started. I'm not really sure where to turn to get help. I don't want to hurt my family by telling them, and they surely don't notice, although it baffles me that they don't. Friends don't know how to deal with it and I frankly don't even know who my actual friends are anymore. I've pretty much lost everything. Parents divorced when I was little, both remarried. Dad died in my arms when I was 12. Mom started having to work more to support us so i was constantly trying to take care of my brother and just kind of kept everything to myself. Its what I've always done. Now that i need help with it because its getting so much worse, when i do talk about it, no one knows what to do and they just try to ignore it as if it will go away. Makes me feel as if I should just go away. Why be here when no one cares. I'm constantly alone. I live with two other people and they never even talk to me or even notice me. We used to be best friends. I've lost a lot of those. I want to hang out with people because then, hopefully they'll keep my mind off of the constant voices of "you shouldn't be here, you don't deserve to live, no one wants you here anyway. just go die already." I hate the voices! thats when i start to inflict the pain on myself. Helps for awhile and then just numb again. I feel as tho pain is my only feeling. I cain't get happy. I want to be happy. I want to feel happy. But i cain't. I try and try but nothing works. relationships are the worst. i feel as tho i annoy everyone and that no one likes me. No one wants to hang out with me, and it doesn't help that everyone says its cuz i'm in a different town. yes i know its difficult, but hell a visit to me or them every once in awhile would be fantastic. Guys don't want to deal with a girl thats emotionally unstable. well fuck. i just want to be listened to, and helped, befriend, and not left. loved and cared about, not ignored and lonely. the walls close in more and more every day. i just want it to stop. to feel better. i don't want to die. but i don't know if i can get better.

Batman. November 8th 2010 07:42 PM

Re: i don't know what to do
Well, have you been receiving therapy/psychiatric treatment on top of medications? A huge part of treatment is going to involve some sort of therapy.

Also, if the medication isn't helping, you may have to try different medications. For mental illness, the same medication won't always work for everyone. And also, people can be diagnosed and re-diagnosed, diagnosis can always change, so its worth discussing with whomever you're seeing.

Like, my boyfriend has Depression. He had been on meds, and when one didn't work, he had moved on to the next. And it worked, once he got the right medication. He then successfully withdrew from his antidepressants, and doesn't need them anymore.

Recovery is possible, you'll just need help with it.

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