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Depression and Suicide If you or a loved one is feeling depressed or suicidal, you are not alone. Talk with other users about your feelings here.

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It hurts!!! - November 10th 2010, 04:24 PM

This thread has been labeled as triggering by the original poster or by a Moderator. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

I'm in very much pain. I'm crying almost all the time. I'm suicidal at times, but I do not want to end my life. I just wanna go home, but I have to wait another week and a half. Then, I have to be back to college for another three weeks until I can be home for good.

I haven't had much of an appetite lately and I've been exhausted. I haven't eaten yet today and a part of me plans not to. But I know I have to. I may just eat a half of a sandwich so I at least have something in my system.

I'd be over this already if someone hadn't started spreading rumors about me. Now, I'm the most hated person on this campus. My mom is understanding but wants me to finish this semester at least because she already paid for it and it's very expensive. My heart is heavy. For the first time in my life, I almost feel like cutting. I'm scared.

I'm too scared to even go up on upper campus, where the classes and meals and stuff are. I'm spending as much time as I can alone in my apartment. No one here cares anymore. I tried talking to my counselor and everything. They are not helping very much. I'm gonna start having as many meals as I can at my apartment from now on.

But when I'm at my apartment, I almost cannot leave. I cannot function very well. I have to literally push myself out the door. My apartment is the only place on this campus where I feel safe for right now. I just want to be alone until I go home. I may even use up the last of my free absences. That's how bad it is. Of course I won't really do anything. My moral sense is way stronger than my sense of wanting to do things.

How can I cope???
   
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Re: It hurts!!! - November 11th 2010, 03:59 PM

Oh... I see... No one cares....
   
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Re: It hurts!!! - November 12th 2010, 04:25 PM

Hey

I'm sorry that you feel this way on your college campus. Honestly, it really sounds like you need to look into counseling/therpay to get past these feelings that you are having.

There is nothing wrong with crying. It's a healthy thing to do. Feeling down like that must put a lot of emotional stress on you and I'm sorry.

Try and stay strong for the next week and a half dear <3
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Re: It hurts!!! - November 13th 2010, 02:46 AM

Chloe,

Your plea for help is very touching. I can relate to you in that sometimes I don't want to leave my apartment sometimes. It sounds like you're in a very difficult situation where you fear going outside because you've been given a bad reputation. That can be very hard, as I imagine. You have my empathy.

However, I feel that any situation is salvageable, especially when it comes to peer relations. Is your current situation intolerable? Who is spreading bad news about you? Are your fears perhaps stemming from your own mind, and perhaps you are feeding off of paranoia? Can this problem be fixed by confronting the appropriate people?

Moreover, if you've been painted as a bad person for what you could have done, you have to ask yourself, does it really matter? Do your true friends know the real you? Because that's all you need. It's easier said than done, but you should only care about what the people mean to you think of you. Sometimes it's inevitable for people to think lowly of us. However, it doesn't matter because we barely know those people. Someone's bad opinion of you shouldn't prevent you from being happy, or eating for that matter. Again, I know it's easier said than done.

Try to think of whether you can salvage the situation. Maybe you don't need to transfer schools. Because down the road when you acquire the strength and courage to deal with people who think bad of you, you might regret the decision to transfer. Again, I know it's hard, but don't be so quick to give up on your situation.

I hope that helped,
D C
   
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Re: It hurts!!! - November 13th 2010, 04:13 PM

Thanks you two for the replies.

Trust me, the situation is not salvageable. People are believing this girl instead of me. And I am not paranoid... I don't think that was very nice that you suggested that it was paranoia... I'll let that slide though.

I won't regret transferring because even those who I thought was my friend turned their backs on me.

I just want nothing more than to go home.
   
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Re: It hurts!!! - November 13th 2010, 04:25 PM

DenimSupergirl,

I apologize if that comment sounded rude. My intention wasn't to offend you nor criticize you.

In this case, perhaps taking some time off would be best if it is unsalvageable. Try to keep your mind off the talking behind your back, and try to distract yourself by thinking about other things. Times goes faster when you're looking forward towards something, and you'll be home soon.

Best,
D C
   
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Re: It hurts!!! - November 13th 2010, 04:54 PM

it really seems like you want to get help but, i dont want to say anything wrong but you may have depression by what you are saying, i would say maybe try talking to your mom so maybe you can start seeing a therapist that you can talk to, when you need to.

as for cutting one thing that has worked for me is the butterfly method, it is where you draw a butterfly where you want to cut and you name it after someone very special to you, so that you can stop/prevent your self from cutting.

I am here if you ever want to talk, you can pm anytime

Theresa
   
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Re: It hurts!!! - November 13th 2010, 05:16 PM

It's alright DC. And thanks... I am trying to keep myself busy.

Thanks Theresa. Although I had only said it was a urge. It was mainly a moment of weakness. I usually don't feel that way and I have never cut before. I do pick at my skin, but that is a different situation for a different reason and I'm trying to stop. Also, I have been talking to my mom. I'll be alright when I go home.
   
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