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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
Flight. Offline
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Unhappy Barely holding on. - November 11th 2010, 08:51 AM

This thread has been labeled as triggering by the original poster or by a Moderator. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

Everything in my life is going completely and utterly wrong. This guy that's in my class in College is pulling me along and playing with my emotions. He knows I like him and he told me he likes me too. But he has a girlfriend and says that the only reason why their together is because of their parents and because her family is going through some difficult things at the moment. He admitted to me he doesn't know what he wants. I don't want anything to do with him because last year I almost killed myself over a guy only because he broke up with me and I don't want to go down that same path again. But earlier this week, I was in the carkpark with him and we started kissing because I couldn't control my feelings. And it wasn't an ordinary kiss either. He actually used tounge. I felt so guilty for what happened that, that night I even started going out with my ex-boyfriend. I'm not going out with him anymore because of everything that I'm going through. And now during classes, we can't even be in the same room as each other because of what happened. I text him yesterday after class and his girlfriend was replying to the messages as she told me it was her. She asked my why I was messaging him and that he wasn't going to be on MSN. He now spends most of his time with this other girl in the class who was in the year above me in high school. He even sat next to her as well. Today we were on the laptops and during one of our 10 minute breaks, we were on Facebook and I started talking to him on the Facebook chat. He ignored my message. I just never felt more alone in my life. I thought I had him but now I don't. And it's all my fault. Every single thing that has happened in the past week as been clearly ALL my fault. I can't do it anymore.
And to make things worse, my older brother told my parents that I swear on Facebook which resulted in them having a go at me. I know a lot of people who do but yet they still decided and continued to have yell at me. I'm a "disappointment" to my parents and that my brother is the better child. My parents said that the doctors and nurse probably swapt me in the hospital with another baby because all I do is cause them stress.
Now on Monday I have a phone interview with a University that is in a different state. I'm REALLY hoping to get into this University so I can escape from everything. I can't stand living in this area anymore. I can't stand the situations I get in nor the people I have to socialise with. And it's all because of me. I'm the one to blame for other people hurting. I'm the reason why everyone is depressed and angry. Blame me. Point your finger at me. Do whatever you have to to relief me of this pain I'm feeling. I will even commit suicide to not have to feel anymore.

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itsmekt Offline
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Re: Barely holding on. - November 11th 2010, 03:59 PM

It's not all your fault.
This guy you had a thing with is a jerk. He lusted after you and used you while still having a girlfriend he needs for his family or his image or whatever else he needs her for.
Living up to a parents sky high expectations can definitely be hard. Try talking to them calmly about how you feel. Tell them how you feel and see if they can understand.
As for the college part I can totally relate. I'm a senior in high school and I cant wait to go away to college. A place where nobody knows my name and I can just start fresh. But know that if you have depression or any other problems they might not go away depending on the place you're in. And try to get control of your problems now. You don't want to waste a chunk of your life because you are waiting for something to change.
Make the change now. Well I wish you the best of luck and if you want to talk more feel free to message me
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Ancora Imparo Offline
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Re: Barely holding on. - November 12th 2010, 09:13 AM

Hey Rianna,

I think that you need to disconnect yourself from this guy as soon as you can because even though I understand that it takes two to tango and all of that, he's taking advantage of the fact that he knows you have feelings for him even though he has a girlfriend. Just the fact that he even has a girlfriend and is messing around with all these girls behind her back is enough to make me believe that you don't want to be giving your feelings and associating yourself with a guy like this because you're an amazing person who can do so much better than him.

As for you parents, well I guess parents are always pretty tough on their children because they have high hopes and expectations. However, from the moment that you enter this world until the moment you leave, people will come and go from your life but at the end of the day all you have is you. I understand every child wants to make their parents happy and proud of them but what good is that if you're doing something to please them but it's making you miserable? You should do what makes you most comfortable, most happy and most importantly what makes you feel as if you're being yourself. There are some family members and parents who will just complain about everything that you're going through because I guess that's their way of dealing with it and making it go away rather than sit down and talk to you about it properly.

Maybe moving away for university wouldn't be such a bad thing? You would get to be independant and be able to escape all your troubles from the people around you which may give you some time to clear your head and start a fresh. I hope that the interview goes well for you, you'll have to let us know how you get on!

If you ever want somebody to talk to then you know I'm always here for you if you ever want somebody to listen and talk to and that's an absolute promise.

Take care and stay strong.

When we're lost in the madness, kindness is wisdom.
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