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Depression and Suicide If you or a loved one is feeling depressed or suicidal, you are not alone. Talk with other users about your feelings here.

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Nobody7575 Offline
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Can anyone help me on how to deal with depression? - November 16th 2010, 02:17 AM

So... I think I'm depressed.
Before I tell you how I feel right now, let me tell you about my childhood. I was born and raised in the 'ghetto' part of town. Ever since I was a child I was exposed to drugs, gangs, and murder. I was taught to be strong and not cry. My mother would beat me with a broom for every tear I shed to make me stronger. Eventually we moved out of this neighborhood and into a calmer suburban area. I went to public school and had very few friends. Now that I think about it, ever since I could remember I hated people... Well not hate, more fear. No one in my entire life really loved me. By love I mean a person to ask me how my day was, a person to hug me close when I was sad, someone to be there for me. My dad was the only one who tried to cheer me up, but he was always working to help the family. Two years ago I really loved a person. To me she was the most beautiful, nicest, wonderful girl that I have ever met in my entire life. I guess I thought this because she was the only one to ever care about me, as if I were a human being... She made me feel, for once, like a person. We became good friends, but a year later she moved away. This is when I found out that this whole time she has been making a fool of me... Acting like a friend this whole time. I was devastated. I tried to drown out the pain, sorrow, and hatred by drinking... But I knew that was wrong. I stopped and never drank since. I think that life isn't really good for me. I can't think of any 'happy' moments in my life and I developed a phobia of people/affection. I am under 18 so I can't seek any medical attention (mom still doesn't even care/know that I maybe depressed, even losing lots of weight over last summer). I can't talk to anyone, because I fear that they would in someway harm me. What should I do? (also, I am thinking of suicide... Only permanant solution to pain).
Edit: the part that makes me even more ashamed of myself is that I still believe that people are good on the inside, and that if I love everyone the same the might one day love me back. I feel terrible, that I can't be normal like everyone else and that I still don't learn from past mistakes in trusting people.

Last edited by Nobody7575; November 16th 2010 at 02:37 AM. Reason: Needed more
   
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Macklemoist Offline
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Re: Can anyone help me on how to deal with depression? - November 16th 2010, 02:46 AM

Hi,
Well 1st of all I am going through depression because my grandmother has dies and my life sucks!
My dad always says Suscide a perminate sul. to a tempory problem * Sorry I don't spell good! lol*
I have to thought about killing myself but I beleive in God and I hope he has a plan for me!
I too lived in a *ghetto* neighborhood for 2years my life was soo bad!
I just want my nana back *I called my grandmother my nana*
Please write back to me! I hoep what I said helped you!
(>-) peace out...
   
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Finches Offline
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Re: Can anyone help me on how to deal with depression? - November 17th 2010, 01:51 AM

Hi Nobody575,

I'm sorry about what you're going through. Your lifestory sounds like you had some rough times. I'm sorry to hear that.

When it comes to depression, one of the things that will help you is to spend time with meaningful people. To do that, you have to go out and meet people. First, you have to ease your way into trusting people and being open. I want to say that you shouldn't let one person affect your impression of people. This girl was only one person, although it sounds like you went through a hard time when she left you. I'm sorry about that. However, not all people are like this. And the mistake is to believe that everyone will turn your back on you. That's not true. Give people another chance and you'll discover that some people are actually kind-hearted and loving. It takes some searching. I know part of your upbringing has led you to feel this way.

If you want someone to talk to or open to, feel free to PM me.

I hope that helped,
D C
   
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