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asdfzxcv Offline
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Not sure - November 17th 2010, 11:32 PM

I am not sure of anything anymore. I feel alone, isolated, confused and scared. I try not to use the term mood swings,
because it tends to feel like an understatement, but this is the only way to discribe it. I find myself questioning who I am,
the decisions I am making and what is happening aroud me. What makes things even worse is that I might be living in an abusive family.
Thing is though, I can't tell. Is the way they are acting not normal, or am I a horrible person for blaming others, when actually the problem is me?
The fact is that I do not know what "normal" is.

I always had this urge to curl up into a ball in the corner, but I used to find the will to resist it. Recently though, I find myself actually doing it quite often.
Strangely though, most people wouldnt notice anything odd about me. Ever since I was little, the idea of "not giving up, no matter what" has been forced
into my way of thinking to the point where I am unable to just stop and brake down, no matter how terrible I feel or scared I am. This is what has kept me
going for so long. But recently it hasnt been enough. I am gradually falling in a pit of dispair and I feel unable to act. At one point I will brake, and to be
honest, I'm looking forward to that. Its pathetic and it sickens me, but I would like nothing better than to just relax and let the insanity wash away what is left of me.
I know I will do whatever I can to make sure that doesnt happen, but chances are at one point it will.

From experience I know that in a few hours I'll feel great fot a period of time,
and thus the cicle will continue. Giving people a brief view into what I call
my life and seeing what they think about it is just one of the things I had
prommised myself I'd do at one point, and I seemed to be in the mood for it.
So, Voila!
   
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Re: Not sure - November 18th 2010, 12:17 AM

Well question, what makes you think you're in an abusive situation?

Either way, if something doesn't feel right, it most likely isn't.

Is there anything in particular you were seeking from this post, or did you just want to get some things off your chest?


Dare to be Different, to be Weird, to be a Freak.
Overall, Dare to be yourself.

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