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Depression and Suicide If you or a loved one is feeling depressed or suicidal, you are not alone. Talk with other users about your feelings here.

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Exclamation I really need some support, guys. - November 20th 2010, 02:44 AM

This thread has been labeled as triggering by the original poster or by a Moderator. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

For the past 2 years, I have struggled in and out of depression. I've self harmed, quit for months, do it again, quit again - on and off. I had strugged with alcohol (even though I'm a minor) but have managed to stop that for over 8 months.

I guess it started when my Mom did substance abuse. She became really ill mannered and angry all the time, and even at one point was blaming me for all her problems. I was only around 11 then, and even before that she was agressive. I've been told that she has personally abused me once, and only remember an incident of it a long time ago. Now she's pretty much left me to rot while she's out having a wonderful time with her pothead 22 year old boyfriend/kidthing. And my dad is an unknown figure in my mind.

Ever since then I've been spinning downhill. I've honestly attempted suicide several times, but each time either I would stop myself or someone will stop me. I have asked for help several times as well, but was denied by my ex-guardians. They're 3 generations apart from understanding, so the whole time they were telling me "with God depression doesn't exsist."
The cutting came about I guess summer of last year. It started lightly, with pins and needles, and different things like that and gradually advanced to razors and just lashing.

Anyway ... I feel myself rock bottom again. My arm is cut up right now, and it's only been a month since the last time. A week after the last time I had written a letter to my teacher explaining my past problems with suicide, and how I was afraid that I was heading down that path again, and I needed help that my ex-guardians could not provide me. Later that day I was called to the counslers office, and they had make an mandatory oppointment at Altapointe, a mental health prof. service. However, that was a month ago and here I am waiting till Dec. 3rd for them to help me.

Today, I cried. For many, many reasons. For me. My mind. How I feel, and react to things. My friends, and how they forget me when summer springs up. I thought of my Mom, and my several sets of grandparents. Then I thought about Altapointe. I can honestly say I've made a decision to call them tomorrow, the crisis line, or something, and explain to them everything. I need help ASAP. But with what I need help with, I know for sure they'll send me to Baypoint, a mental health hospital. I think I'm learning to be okay with that, but I really really need more support than I'm getting. I know most people in my family will be angry with me. Because, again, they don't believe in depression ...


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Re: I really need some support, guys. - November 20th 2010, 03:39 AM

I'm really sorry that life has been throwing rocks at you. I wish I could make all of that pain go away, but I can't. I am here for you, and if you ever need anything feel free to send me a pm. Just hang in there, and I hope that Altapointe will be able to help you. When you say your mother 'left you to rot' do you mean that she is never home or that she doesn't care about you? And when you say 'my father is an unknown figure in my mind' do you mean you have never met him?

Do your friends know what you are going through? They may not realize just how bad things have gotten for you. I would try and get a little closer to them. Make some plans and spend some time with them. I am sure they care about you, so please don't think that they don't. People can't always see whats right in front of them.

December 3rd may seem far away, but you can make it. I would call a crisis line; it may help you. Talking about your problems and venting can really make you feel better. All of us on TH care about you, so please remember that. We are all here for you.

Take care!


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Re: I really need some support, guys. - November 20th 2010, 12:50 PM

Yeah, that's exactly what I meant about my Mom and Dad. I've tried to be open several times to my friends, but it's like ... when I do they just leave me behind. Like recently, I had a really good friend who knew EVERYTHING about what is going on, and now he won't even speak to me. I'm not sure what I did to him, but it hurts that he'd give up on me so easily.


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Re: I really need some support, guys. - November 20th 2010, 02:09 PM

I've been on this site for a while and hopefully more people who come here and read this. I know you have support on here. This site has a lot of encouragement and people wanting to help. I'm on here to help people so if you ever need to talk to someone just PM me. If you find someone else that's ok too, just as long as you can find someone to open up to.


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Re: I really need some support, guys. - November 20th 2010, 02:38 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by pastor_of_youth View Post
I've been on this site for a while and hopefully more people who come here and read this. I know you have support on here. This site has a lot of encouragement and people wanting to help. I'm on here to help people so if you ever need to talk to someone just PM me. If you find someone else that's ok too, just as long as you can find someone to open up to.
I've been waiting since late last night, so yeah I'm hoping so too. I guess no one is really on today. I have to call Altapoint and I'm not even sure what to tell them.


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Re: I really need some support, guys. - November 20th 2010, 10:05 PM

:/ ... anyone know what I should tell them


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