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kitkat_kate Offline
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Name: Katie
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Join Date: November 5th 2010

I don't want it to be hard anymore - November 22nd 2010, 04:18 PM

This thread has been labeled as triggering by the original poster or by a Moderator. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

I hate posting this. HATE it. I'm usually so much stronger than this, but it seems that lately I haven't been. Between my issues with self-harm, an eating disorder, and the fact that the abuse I'd been going through from a friend has now started coming from my own father (which is a story in its own right), I'm just about done.

I don't necessarily want to die. Life, in and of itself, is a precious thing and I want to experience it. I have dreams. I have goals. I have friends and family who I will hurt, even if it doesn't necessarily feel that way.

But, the point is, I'm overwhelmed to the point of almost constant tears. I spent nearly an hour in my band director's office this morning, trying hard not to cry, but not succeeding. And pacing. And freaking out.

It would be easier to die. That's my fear. Easier. And I'm all kinds of okay with going easier right now. That scares me...


i am not my scars and my history
i am, i am, i am who i am...i am who i am.
there are true things inside of me;
i have been afraid to see.

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x_sepi_x Offline
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Name: Sabah
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Re: I don't want it to be hard anymore - November 22nd 2010, 07:28 PM

your right, sometimes just the death aspect of this seems so much easier because it's a way out of all this pain and suffering, but really it's not worth it.. ders no point in killing yourself coz it'll probly cause more complications if you don't succeed in doin so.. i think that if you sit down and start to really think about your issues and problems then you will be able to sort things out. im not saying its gna be easy coz these things never are but there are ways out. it'll take alot of time and patience and both are on your side.. take your time and help your self, talk to people, councellor's, therapists, friends, family anyone..make a support group that you can fall back on and have people be there for you.. hopefully things will start to get better and you'll find that things are alot easier than now.. take care of yourself and pm me if you ever need to talk.. i know how your feeling huni.. xxx
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anymore, hard

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