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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
Sad_mia Offline
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Living Sadly - November 26th 2010, 06:38 AM

This thread has been labeled as triggering, particularly on the subject of suicide, by the original poster or by a Moderator. The contents of this thread therefore might not be suitable for certain sensitive users. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

I get really suicidle sometimes. I feel like no one love me. I feel like i just wanna die i feel like im not pretty. I hate looking at peoples relationships. Mine never last because no one has actually cared for me and i wonder why im not good enough? why no one wants me. Why do i feel like the scum of the earth. Every holiday someone has a significant other and i am the only one who is lonely. I get depressed often. My mother wont let me out of the house at all. Im a pretty good girl i dont do anything major at all. I have a good head on my shoulders. I understand that i live on the east side of Detroit but im about to be 18 and im not allowed to even go to the movies with friedns. My mother always accuses me of going to see guys. My days are long filled with school and watching kids along with cooking my step father calling me all day asking me to do everything that he could do himself right along with my mother. Something as little as (go get me some ice). That plus school and just dealing with my own problems drives me nuts. Everyone wants me to do things for them and im not the type to say no. Then when they are done with me im left alone. Alone to cry because im alone. No one appreciates me. No one loves me. No guy wants to be seen with me, no popular person wants to talk to me. No one likes me....no one cares about my feelings no one cares! so when i am in my room alone feeling alone crying alone sleeping alone and no one listens to my loud groans i cuts my arms to ease some pain. I think of just cutting a vein to end all the pain. I can never draw myself into doing it but i get closer every time. Not too long before it happens. i imagine myself slamming my head into walls and all honesty ive tried. I sit in my bed and cry and i kick the bed rails i scratch up my face arms and legs and chest and i cry myself to sleep and wake up and im back to the same old things. I feel like my dreams are dead and im just a dead girl waiting to die. I dont know what to do. I love people but i hate their ways and i hate life and it hates me too. Life and people hate me so does love. They all hate me. But i have grown to accept it. Ill continue to cut cry and scream until im at rest until i get some help. idk where to go or where to start.. no one cares about kiara because people only care about their own problems and thats okay cause no one has time to deal with mine. So i asked my mom for a therapist and she told me nothing is wrong with me. if i could drive and take myself i would but my mother wont pay for it. There is no hiring jobs in detroit and even if there was i couldnt get to turn in an application. You may say well there is got to be one person who cares about you. Now dont get me wrong there is. I'm dating someone but he dont seem like he likes me very much. I dont think he wants to meet my family or go out with me. He just acts like im just here. but its okay im use to people rejecting kicking over me and spitting at me. So its okay if he wants to destroy me let him destroy the rest of my heart thats been hurting. I'll just accept it cause thats all i been doing and this cant be healthy...someone help
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Janelle Offline
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Re: Living Sadly - November 27th 2010, 12:20 AM

Hi Kiara -

I can see why you are having these feelings - it sounds like you have a very busy and stressful life! I think there are periods with the type of people we have in our lives. Maybe you don't have a lot of "good" people in your life right now, but I think you will at some point. I can tell you are worth it. You go to school, look after children, help your parents, and you say you have a good head on your shoulders. This shows me that you are a very worthy person and you deserve to have a good life.

I think it's really great that you are recognizing that you'd like to get some help. Is there a counselor at your school? Maybe they can help you learn some strategies to start feeling better, or help you get to see someone who can. You can also go to see your doctor or try talking to someone on a hotline ). You really don't have to feel this way, and you can feel better.
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Ocean*girl2 Offline
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Re: Living Sadly - November 27th 2010, 12:29 AM

I'm really sorry you're going through this. You sound like a great person that bad things happen to, through no fault of your own. Please don't hurt a person as great as you.
All of us here at teen help are here for you and would love to form friendships with you. You're worth a lot, please see that.

Hello, world

"And if you take my hand, my son, all will be well when the day is done."
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Life17 Offline
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Re: Living Sadly - November 27th 2010, 03:34 AM

I've been in your shoes smart and go to school then have to come home and take care of your siblings. It gets stressfull and tiring and it's hard to talk about it because it seems foolish to be upset about. Then your not allowed to go out wit friends and even if you do you have an early curfew. I understand dat kind of life can drive you insane. I ended up talking to my school counselor about my self harm and my thoughts of suicide and got help.... So maybe you should talk to someone who can trust and can get you some help because you really needed because I can guarrenteed dat your at your breaking point
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