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Depression and Suicide If you or a loved one is feeling depressed or suicidal, you are not alone. Talk with other users about your feelings here.

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Exclamation I don't see a reason to live anymore. - November 27th 2010, 01:52 AM

This thread has been labeled as triggering, particularly on the subject of suicide, by the original poster or by a Moderator. The contents of this thread therefore might not be suitable for certain sensitive users. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

I'm constantly sad. Nothing around me matters anymore. Not the people I previously held so close to my heart, not the possesions that I cherished not too long ago. I began cuting myself again, and it's slowly progressing as I get access to sharper, more lethal tools. I used to keep it to a minimum, put when I told my friends about my suicidal thoughts, they left me. They don't even look at me anymore. Apparently, the world revolves around me and I'm childish and selfish. There's no barrier for me anymore. My best friend is gone, my parents barely want me home anymore.

I've never felt worse. I drink alchohol and come to school drunk. I eat cough drops like candy and drink cough syrup like water. I leave scars upon my legs with a bloodied, reckless abandon. I am on a never-ending quest for love from my male counterparts, even though I know every one is a lie. Everyday I struggle with self-image issues, alternating between the ugliest creature and to ridiculous self-confidence. I research and imagine new ways to kill myself almost EVERY DAY.

I don't want to live anymore. And if I died, the people I even faintly still care about won't so much as blink.

And I need help.
   
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Re: I don't see a reason to live anymore. - November 27th 2010, 02:02 AM

Trust me, you do not want to kill yourself. I've been down that road a few times already. Things are going to get better, I promise. You're only 13 and you have a lot to live for. You have yet to even go into high school. You have a chance to change your life around.

I'm glad that you admitted that you need help. That is always the first step and the hardest step in order to get some help. Try talking to your parents or someone that you trust. Does your school have some kind of guidance counselor? Or do you see a psychiatrist? Try to get some help, because death is never the answer. There are people who care. Everyone has at least one person who cares a whole lot. Trust me, my last very depressive episode was yesterday, and my friend form college, even when he lives in Texas and I'm in Florida, called or texted me every hour on the dot. There is someone that cares as much as my friend did for me.

If you need to talk, feel free to PM me anytime.
   
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Re: I don't see a reason to live anymore. - November 27th 2010, 02:49 AM

Thank you. That made me feel slightly more encouraged.

I used to go to counselling during my last episode of cutting, but my stepmom told my dad that I was doing it for attention and that it was too expensive. That, and my dad doesn't believe in therapy.

I have one person that I vent all my BS to, but she's visiting PA right now and is unreachable.

I think I need meds. My moodswings are waaayyy too serious. :I
   
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Re: I don't see a reason to live anymore. - November 27th 2010, 02:51 AM

I'm havin da same thoughts of hopelessness but I know dat suicide isn't da answer jus think about it logically things will get betta n things mite get bad again but life is worth livin
   
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Re: I don't see a reason to live anymore. - November 27th 2010, 03:01 AM

You should talk to your dad and stepmom about going back into Therapy. It can do wonders for you. If you need help talking to your parents, get your friend to help you when she get's back.
   
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