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Depression and Suicide If you or a loved one is feeling depressed or suicidal, you are not alone. Talk with other users about your feelings here.

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dhh90 Offline
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Not sure what to do.. - December 2nd 2010, 12:27 AM

Just called the suicide hotline a couple times but couldn't get myself to do it.
I dont think I will attempt it but I do think about it on a daily basis, not a constantly and nonstop.
I don't know if I just need to rant or what it is.

I'm a 20 year old male and I did have a gambling problem. I lost $20,000 in 2 days and I have like nothing left. I do still have money enough to live but I feel like I am surviving day by day.. I know in the back of my head, I will still be okay.

I carry this enormous burden for my family too. I am attempting to get a Masters and PhD in Accounting along with my CPA but I don't see any point anymore.. I can't talk about this with my family nor relatives because "status" is more important.. I've had relatives being thrown out of the house to survive with nothing because of it.

I have liquor laying on my fridge and I just feel like overdosing with pills or when I'm driving home from work or school, I just feel like.. what if my car just flips over and I hit a tree and die right here.

It's hard because I don't know if it's because I'm a guy, but I don't have anyone to talk to about this. My ex just broke up with me after 8 months leaving for her ex-boyfriend (she doesn't know about my gambling problem). I've always been successful gambling until this ONE incident and I just lost everything.. My Christmas feels like its been ruined.. I even have a set of sapphire diamond earrings for her since it's her birthstone and it brings the color of her eyes out.

I just don't know anymore, I've been sleeping for over 12+ hours, watching TV nonstop and even skipping classes. This enormous burden of trying to succeed for the family is just too much. I am not a greedy person at all, I donate money and new clothes every month, and bought everyone in the company gift cards, but now I can't even do that. I feel as if gambling was the one who gave me my source of income but it also made me lose everything. I just can't be myself anymore.

I apologize for the long story but I just felt like I needed it get it out since I have no one to talk to about this. I've been living by myself for 3 years now and I've been fine until recently. I wake up with anxiety and stress just trying to figure out my life.
   
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Re: Not sure what to do.. - December 2nd 2010, 01:48 AM

I feel you, man. Similar thing. I'm 18 and in college (although female) and things have just been falling apart and I have the same thing where I just can't stop thinking about it. But I know that it would hurt my friends and family so much, so I'm trying to just get through this and hope that it will get better. Trying to make it better. We'll see.

Hold on, okay? We can do this. I think.
   
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