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punkrocker99 Offline
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dying inside - December 10th 2010, 01:17 PM

im not really sure what i should be telling people. i have a good life for the most part, i have plenty of friends, things to do, talents or so im told and aspirations. i know everybody changes but i dont know if ive changed for the better. i got dumped at the beginning of the year after a fairly long and close relationship which i think is still effecting my subconscious. despite trying my best at everything i was told i wasnt good enough or couldnt do a lot of things which made me cry til i couldnt anymore. i chain smoke and get drunk much more than anyone else i know. i quit drugs a few months ago.

i can see my ex and not feel a thing, i can see other couples and feel indifferent. my friends tell me ive changed a lot from the person they knew and think i have depression and tried to get me a counsellor. i attempted to overdose and cut myself a few times this year but failed. i hate myself sometimes but no one knows because im always laughing and bragging in a joke.

im not sure what to do. i dont think i want to love anyone again because ive treated my other ex's this year like absolute crap where before i gave it my all. i dont feel urges to kill myself very often anymore but im rarely happy inside now. i no longer have any will to find someone, settle down, have kids and live past 25.
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Re: dying inside - December 11th 2010, 10:44 PM

Hey there,

I am sorry you are struggling but I believe that things can and will get better for you. Just keep hanging on until you get to a better place.

I think it would be a really good idea for you to look into counseling. I know that might not be something you want to consider but counseling can be a great tool. It can be scary to go talk to a stranger about the problems we are having but in the end it really can help to have someone to talk to. Also a counselor can help you figure out your triggers and help you find coping skills for everything that is going on in your life.

As for relationships; breaking up with someone can be really hard but I believe you can heal from it. You might not have a desire to get back into a relationship just yet but that isn't a bad thing. Maybe you should take this time to work on you and go from there. Get to a better place that that you can, once again, give a lot of good to any prospective relationship you get into. Sometimes people need time to heal from break ups and maybe being single and working on yourself will give you that much needed healing time.

I really hope this helped and if you need anything feel free to pm me.


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